Crossroads
by KatyJane75
Summary: A love story where two very different people who hook up and are set on a course where their worlds will collide. Credit for these characters goes to EL James, of course. HEA/ No cheating
1. Chapter 1

****Chapter One****

 _Christian_

 _Christian began to merge his R8 into the Seattle traffic heading south into downtown, toward Escala. But at the last second, he turned the wheel abruptly and cut across three lanes of Friday evening commuters. This earned him some exasperated expressions and one middle finger, but he really didn't give a shit. He turned up into the Queen Anne Hill neighborhood onto the tiny residential street. He pulled into a tight spot on the street and cut the engine._

 _He could hear the party from here... people laughing, music pumping. Damn Elliot and his stupid friend Dan_ _. They had set up a blind date for him with a co-worker of Dan's - an art history professor who apparently had great legs._

 _What was he doing here? He should be at Escala by now, where the delectable Leila was waiting for him._

 _But he couldn't face Leila and his playroom, not tonight. Not on his tenth wedding anniversary..._

...

Ana

Damn it, Kate Kavanagh. I should be home studying, but she has dragged me to yet another cast party. Once again, she is the star of the show - both on and off the stage. She is the golden girl of the theater department, and it's our senior year, so of course she is the center of attention. All curvy and blonde, in a tight silver dress, she's in the kitchen doing shots with the guys from the crew. "Ana! You gotta have a shot… come on! Celebrate with me!" She holds out a the tiny glass, half full with amber liquid.

I take a sniff. "Ugh, what is this? It smells foul."

"Tequila, baby!" The guys join her in chanting, "Chug… chug… chug…" I roll my eyes. Here goes… I tip it back and it burns down my throat. Nasty! I grimace and wave my arms and they all laugh. "Get her another one!…"

I humor them by putting down two more, but that's it… the room is spinning. I am such a lightweight. This is not my thing. "Kate, that's it… no more… I need some air."

I stagger out through the back door, and I'm on a concrete patio. There are a few small groups of people out here, beer bottles in hand, but it's quiet and mellow. Yes, this is better. The patio is large, with an outdoor fireplace and cushioned chaises. And the hot tub, as advertised, is steaming away in one corner. Hmm… at least the party is at a nice house for once. Dr. Baird - the head of the theater department - is hosting in celebration of wrapping up the spring musical. He's young - maybe thirty - and Kate is always bubbling on about how he's _amazin_ g. Deep down, I suspect that they've probably… NO. Don't go there, Ana. It's none of my business.

It's a cool, April night in the heart of Seattle and the hot tub looks tempting. I'm already wearing my suit under my clothes. Finding an - um - unoccupied place to change at these parties is not a sure thing. Well, the suit is borrowed from Kate - she wouldn't let me out in my trusty one-piece. So I am in her canary yellow bikini, chosen because it ties into place and we could tighten it to fit me. Over it, I have on my "Bookmarks Are For Quitters" t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. I look down at myself and sigh. I am skinny and flat-chested. With my straight, brown hair in bangs and braided pigtails, I'm sure I look like someone's little sister.

The hot tub does look tempting. There are already five people in there, but I think there's room for one more. "Ana, come on in!" one of the girls says. Her name is Nicole, and she had a small part in the production.

Here goes nothing… I slip off my shorts, t-shirt, and shoes and place them on top of my bag, which holds all of my essentials, including my book. I am a librarian, after all - well, almost - and I like to be prepared. I climb into the hot tub quickly, and slip into the steamy, bubbling water. It comes up to right below my bikini top, which is - mercifully - staying in place. Nicole starts chatting with me animatedly about the show. It's mostly a one-sided conversation - my favorite kind - and soon I relax and shut my eyes.

Suddenly, Nicole stops chatting. "Ana! That guy is totally checking you out. God, he's _hot_. He looks like he wants to EAT you."

What? I open my eyes and I'm staring back through the sliding glass doors into the smoldering eyes of the sexiest man I have ever seen. My body immediately clenches - down _there_. Holy shit! I blush and look down, and when I look up, he's gone.

"Omigosh, Ana!" Nicole gushes. "That wasn't just a guy, that was Christian Grey! I think he's friends with Dr. Baird… they were at college together or something. He's - like - one of Seattle's most eligible bachelors!" I'm only half listening to her chatter. My heart is thudding in my chest. Okay, calm down, Ana, and get a grip… he probably wasn't even looking at _you_. But he was.

Once my breathing returns to normal, I clamber out of the hot tub, muttering a "Nice to see you Nicole," over my shoulder. I grab my towel out of my bag and dry quickly, slipping my t-shirt back on and wrapping my towel around my lower half. I spot an unoccupied chaise with a polar fleece blanket draped over its back. Perfect. I make a beeline for it, grab the blanket, wrap it around my shoulders and settle in. I take my tattered copy of _Jane Eyre_ out of my bag and start to read. It's my go-to escape novel. After a few minutes, I'm aware of someone - a large, male someone - towering over me. I look up, and it's HIM. The one who wants to eat me. I blush and immediately look back down.

"Mind if I sit?" he asks. His voice is warm and deep… confident. Of course it is.

"Um, no… sure," I squeak. I slide my legs over to make room for him at the foot of the chaise.

He sits. "You're reading a book. At a cast party." He sounds amused.

"It's not my party - Kate, um, the lead? - she's my roommate," I say.

"Ah, that explains a lot. It's not my party either. Dan - er, Professor - Baird is a good friend of mine. He likes to get me out of the house now and then. Sorry, I should introduce myself… I'm Christian Grey."

"Um, Anastasia... Ana Steele." I squeak again - jeez!

"So you're in theater as well? A senior?"

"No… I mean yes, I'm a senior… but I'm in library science. Do I look like a theater major? I mean, look at me."

"I am."

And there it is again. Our eyes meet and there's that clench and pull deep down in my belly. Oh my. This is not me. I don't do this. And I am way, WAY out of my league here.

"So, library science?" He asks.

"Yes, um… Books are my thing, I guess."

"I'm a numbers guy - business and engineering. I guess control is my thing. And my best friend was a theater major too." He grins - a full-on, megawatt smile. Wow, it's stunning.

And we are off… we have found common ground in our crazy, theater-loving friends. We swap stories about all the trouble they've gotten us into over the years. And we talk, and talk… and laugh. I have never talked like this with a guy. Ever.

We finally fall silent, and he reaches out and strokes his thumb along my jaw, to my lower lip and skims it across. Oh, I feel it like electricity - radiating all the way down to my toes.

This time, it's his turn to blush. He's actually blushing! He smiles slowly and chuckles. "Oh I am way out of practice. I really want to kiss you… but not here. Take a walk with me?" He stands up and holds out his hand. Hmmm… yes. I uncurl from the blanket and grab my stuff, including the blanket. I take his hand - and even though warning bells should be going off, they aren't. I trust him and I would follow him anywhere.

He leads me to the back of the large yard, and there - back in the trees - is a little gazebo. It looks old and unused - just a small structure with a rough, wooden floor. He takes the blanket and spreads it out and we sit, like at a picnic, but with no food. It's dark back here in the trees and I can only see his outline, but I can FEEL him. He runs his fingers up my arm to my shoulder, across and up to my chin. Then he pulls my chin forward and his mouth is on mine. I gasp and open my mouth and he takes advantage - thrusting his tongue in and grabbing my pigtails with his free hand. I have never been kissed like this before, but I answer back - meeting his tongue with mine and suddenly we're a tangle of tongues and teeth and limbs and sensation - electricity pulsing between and around us.

Suddenly, he stops and pulls back and I am left panting and tingling - everywhere. "Christ, Ana… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to jump you like that."

"Don't apologize." I grin. "That was… _nice_."

"Nice?" He laughs and lies back on the blanket and I join him. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I put mine across his chest. Wow. Now __this__ is nice. And we start talking again… Favorite books, movies, music, where we're from, where we've been. He's from Bellevue and his mother is a retired teacher. His father was a doctor, but he passed away - from a heart attack - when Christian was in college. Luckily, I am able to keep it vague on my own family stuff - sticking to chatting about my hometown and my friendship with Kate.

I realize that as we continue to talk, he's running his free hand lightly back and forth across my belly. Then he lifts the hem of my t-shirt and slips his hand under it, doing the same on my bare skin. Oh my, now this is distracting. My skin starts to tingle where he touches it, and then his hand is moving up, toward my bikini top. "Okay?" he asks.

I squirm at little, but say, "Yes." Oh, his touch is divine - intoxicating. His fingers travel up across the fabric and he cups my breast, squeezing a little while his thumb skims my nipple. Ah! My back arches reflexively, and again the feeling travels all the way down to between my legs. I can feel myself start to pulse and swell down there. Oh, this is something else... I don't do this. What is happening to me?

Then his hand leaves my breast and travels back down my belly. He pulls back my towel, and his fingers find my bikini bottoms. Oh, I am not even wearing pants! How does this even happen? He skims his finger along the top of the fabric - that skimpy triangle of damp Lycra - ohh my. My groin clenches and my hips flex. He chuckles softly and says, "You're very reactive... and your skin is milky white, so soft. I want to touch every single inch of it." Oh, yes please... touch away. His fingers travel down the fabric and he palms my sex, pushing and squeezing. Mmmmmm. Then, all of a sudden, he flips and he's on top of me, pressing me into the hard floor. I feel the hard ridge of his erection through his jeans. Ohh, I am not the only one who's reactive... and he wants me. Me! He presses it against me and begins to thrust - hard - sliding up and down against the fabric of my bikini. Ahh! I am sopping wet... and it isn't all from the hot tub. He lifts his hips and moves his hand down between my legs, hooking his finger inside the fabric of my bottoms.

"Okay?" He asks again.

"Yes," I whisper.

His hand moves inside and travels to the opening of my sex. And then he slips one finger inside - there. "Oh Ana, you're sopping wet. Oh, I like it." He presses against me again, and I can feel his erection against my belly. His finger moves in and out of me slowly, and then it starts to circle. He moves his other hand back up to my breast, where he tugs the fabric down and slips his hand inside. He circles my nipple with his thumb, echoing the finger inside me. Then he grabs my nipple and pulls - hard, jabbing his finger further inside me at the same time. Oh! Then he repeats the pattern - circling and pulling, circling... - And I start to feel a burning, a tightening. It's centered in my groin, but it's pulsing and radiating through my body. His fingers are relentless, and I feel myself start to quiver, and my thighs clench. "Come on, Ana," he whispers. "Come for me."

And I do. A first-rate, all-consuming orgasm rips through me and I shatter into a million pieces. I cry out and then I collapse, back onto the blanket. My limbs feel like jelly, and I am sated and spent. Now I know what all the fuss is about! He lets out another soft chuckle. "How was that?"

"Good," I whisper. I cannot manage more than that. His erection is still digging into my belly, but he's stopped moving. Oh gosh, it doesn't seem fair. I take a deep breath and reach up to unfasten his jeans, my fingers shaking and fumbling. I reach my other hand around to his ass and pull him close in to me, so that he's positioned between my legs.

"Ana, I can't. I don't have a condom." He says.

Oh, right. Well, he said he wanted to feel every inch of me. "It's okay," I say. "Just be careful... you know, don't..."

He pauses for moment... two, then makes quick work of his button and zipper. He tugs his pants down over his hips, and I feel his erection spring free against me. Ohh... this is really happening. He unties my bikini bottoms and slips them off, tossing them aside. Then he positions himself, prodding against my slick opening.

"Okay?" He asks, checking one last time. "I won't... you know... inside you."

"Yes," I say. I don't want him to stop. Not now. He thrusts his hips and I feel him rip into me, tearing open my virginity. Ah! It smarts for a second, but then it's not really painful, just... full. He feels me tense, and he freezes. "Oh baby, you're so tight... you feel so..." And then he thrusts again... and again, picking up the pace... and I start to climb. Again! But then suddenly his breath catches and he stops, pulling out abruptly. I feel a warm gush of fluid on my thigh. And it's over. He collapses on top of me and we just lie there, coming back down, our heart rates slowing, matching beat for beat. Then he rolls off me and says, "Oh my... I made a mess. My apologies."

"I don't mind... my towel..." I whisper, my eyes still closed. I hear him shuffle around and then he's wiping me down with my towel. He stops all of a sudden and I hear him take in a sharp breath. I open my eyes and he's staring down at me. What?

"Ana," he says softly, "there's blood on the towel... were you... was that your first time?"

Oh, shit. I shut my eyes again and cover my face with my hands. If I can't see him, maybe I will just disappear.

"Ana." He says more sharply, "Answer me."

"Yes," I whisper.

"Oh Ana, you should have told me. I never would have... Well, not here anyway... not like this."

"It's okay. I'm fine... I didn't want you to stop," I say. And then he's pulling me into his arms and kissing me - softly this time.

"Come. Get dressed," he says. "I want to take you home with me... make it up to you."

I dress quickly... yuck, I'm all sticky. I don't want to mess up my only clean pair of panties. So I tie the bikini bottoms back on and tug my shorts on over them. I am still dressed on top - sort of. I tug the bikini top back in place and pull my t-shirt down. I stand up and grab my Chucks out of my bag and push my feet into them - no socks. I run my hand over my hair... my pigtails seem relatively in place. I shove my offending towel into my bag and I am ready to go.

I look up and Christian is eyeing me with an amused expression on his face. Jeez, has he been watching me the whole time? I mean, he looks totally cool and composed. Well, he did manage to stay almost completely dressed. Hmmm...

He picks up the polar fleece blanket and shoves it in my bag. "I think I'll wash that and return it later," he smirks. "Ready to go?" He picks up my bag, takes my hand, and we walk back toward the house.

 _Shit,_ Kate!

"Um... I came with Kate. I have to let her know. Two minutes." I let go of his hand and dash inside. Please don't follow me... this is too embarrassing.

Where is she... Kate? Not in the kitchen... Oh, she better not be... Ha! It's not like I can judge... not anymore. Aha, there she is - on one of the couches in the living room. She's sitting next to Jake from the lighting crew. I can tell he wants to put his arm around her, but he hasn't made his move yet.

"Kate!" I gesture for her to come over to me. She does and I whisper, "Um... I'm going to... you know... go home with someone?" Ugh... don't make it a question! I'm not asking her permission here.

Her eyes widen. This has never happened before. "What?"

"I'm going... I mean, are you okay to get home? You'll take a cab?"

"Ana! Are you serious? Who are you going with?"

Oh, I am not telling her. Not now. "Kate, it's fine. I have my phone. I'll stay in touch. Promise." And just like that, I turn and leave. I have just blown off my best friend... left her standing there... Don't think about it! Just keep walking.

Back outside, he's still there... yep, he's really, um, real. He takes my hand again. "Okay?"

"Yep," I say, "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Ana

He leads me out through a side gate and down the block. It's dark, but I can tell that he has a very nice car. It's sporty, and a convertible. He opens the door and I slide in... Wow, this car is low. The seats are a soft leather and it has that new-car smell. He gets in and starts the engine, which growls to life and then purrs softly. "Here we go," he says. "It's not far."

 _Christian_

 _Good going, Grey... you've really done it now. What were you thinking? The truth is, I wasn't thinking. I was just minding my own business after the art historian was a no-show. I looked up and there she was - looking so much like Leila and the other fourteen, but at the same time, completely different. An innocent. And I was overcome by an overwhelming feeling that I could have it again... that I could walk back into the light - into all that's pure and good - again. With her. And now I have her in my car when I should be headed to meet Leila. But I don't want Leila. I'll have to text her and cancel this weekend._

Ana

He heads up and over Queen Anne hill, away from downtown and toward the water. We sit quietly and I am trying not to fidget. After winding around for about ten minutes, he pulls into a small street - an alley, I think. It's lined with garages on the left-hand side, but I can't see any houses. Oh... these are the type of houses that sit perched overlooking the water... the kind that I have only seen from a distance... the expensive kind. He pushes a button on the dash and a double garage door slides up.

I squint in the sudden brightness as he pulls in beside another car - well, it's a giant, black SUV. He gets out, grabs my bag out of the back, and then comes around to help me out. He holds out his hand, but I don't take it right away. We just look at each other for a few seconds. He looks how I feel... excited but suddenly unsure.

"Ana," he says softly, "we can't stay in the garage. Please come in and have a drink. We can talk... and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know that, right? I'll take you home whenever you want to go."

I look at him for a heartbeat, two. "I'd never do anything that I didn't want to do," I say. Then I take his hand and get out of the car.

He leads me out through a door in the back of the garage, and we are outside again. There is a flight of wooden steps - with inset lights on the sides - leading down. We walk down and onto a large, wooden deck. The house looms in front of us. It's dark, but I can tell it's all wood and glass. He opens a patio door with a key and we walk in. He flips on the lights and I see that we've entered into the kitchen. We walk straight through into a large, double-height living area.

I can't help but inhale sharply. It's stunning. Again, it's all wood and glass - with white walls - and I know there's got to be a great view. There's a huge stone fireplace filling the right-hand wall, and off to the left is an open staircase leading to the upper floor. The furnishings are all tan leather and cream, with splashes of color added in. There is a long wooden table and chairs, with a bench on one side. There are also four stools at the counter that separates this room from the kitchen. It's all very clean... almost sparse, but comfortable.

"Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Yes, please." I squeak. I could definitely use a drink. The confidence I had from my three shots of tequila has definitely worn off.

He takes a bottle out of a wine refrigerator below the counter... of course he has one of those. He opens it deftly and pours the golden liquid into two glasses, which he sets on the breakfast bar.

I walk over and see him glance across the kitchen to a door that's partially open. He frowns and walks quickly over to shut it. Hmmm... laundry room? Probably messy. Ha! Maybe he's human after all.

I clamber onto the closest stool and sit down. Ah! Okay... I'm really tender down there. I look up and he's watching me. Again. "Okay? Um, a little sore?"

"Yes, a little," I admit, blushing. He turns and rummages around in a cabinet next to the sink, pulling out a bottle of ibuprofen and a small glass. He fills the glass and brings them over. I thank him and swallow two pills, chasing them down with most of the water.

"Let's go into the living room. It's more comfortable... uh, softer," he smirks. I nod and follow him in there, bringing my wine. We sit on the huge, L-shaped, tan leather couch. It's soft and buttery feeling. Ah, that's better.

I take a sip of wine, glance down at myself, and I can't suppress my giggle.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I'm sitting here, in your beautiful home, with YOU... and I'm in a damp bikini, with my hair all... who knows... and I'm all sticky..."

He smiles, "Well, I'm not complaining, but maybe we should take bath?"

We? Oh... hmmm... yes, please. And my insides clench deliciously.

"Yes, please," I say.

We take our wine, and I follow him back through the kitchen toward the door where we came in. There's a little alcove to the right, with a set of stairs leading down. Hmm... down, not up? We go down and through another, more casual, living area with a huge TV and a bar, and through a doorway. Ah, this makes sense now. The master suite is directly below the living room... to take advantage of the view. The back wall of the bedroom is almost completely filled by a set of large, glass doors.

We go through a doorway to the left and we're in a huge master bathroom. In the back corner is a garden tub with a big, square window above it. He turns on the water and the tub begins to fill. He adds a squirt of bath gel and I can smell jasmine. It smells heavenly.

He's brought my bag down, and he sets it on the counter. "I'll give you a few private minutes?" He asks, "And join you in a bit?" I nod emphatically and he leaves, shutting the door.

I feel a rush of relief at having a few minutes to myself. I use the toilet. There's a little blood when I wipe, but it doesn't look fresh. I quickly pull off my clothes and the bikini, and put them next to my bag. The tub is still filling, so I force myself to look in the mirror above the sink. Do I looks as different as I feel? The girl staring back at me LOOKS like me... but her hair... ohh. My brush! I rummage through my bag and pull it out. I yank my pigtails out and brush out my hair. It can't be salvaged, so I twist it quickly into a bun and secure it. Okay, better. Much better.

The bathtub looks pretty full and it's getting steamy in here. I switch off the taps, climb in, and sink below the bubbles. Ah! It stings down _there_ for just a second, but then it's okay. I sink down up to my neck and ooh... yes, this is heaven. I lay my head back and shut my eyes. I can almost relax, but I know he'll be coming back in soon. Sure enough, a minute later, the door opens and I hear him come in. I don't move or open my eyes. I hear him shut the door and undress. I want to peek... I mean I really haven't even _seen_ him yet, but I don't. I feel him come into the tub, but he settles into the opposite side. His feet and lower legs rub against mine, but that's it.

I sit completely still for a few moments longer, then open my eyes. Yep, there he is... watching me - again - and smiling. "Hello," he says. "I thought maybe you'd fallen asleep."

This makes me smile. Um, not likely. I am still on high alert here. "No," I say, "just having a tiny escape from reality."

He laughs, "You want to escape? Is it that bad?"

Now I laugh. "No, not at all. It's just all... so... well, it's a lot."

"Well then, we'll just sit for awhile, let it sink in. Just breathe, Ana."

So I do. I lean back again and shut my eyes, but eventually my curiosity wins out and I open my eyes. Yep, he's still watching me.

"So, what do you do," I ask. "I mean, for a living... I mean, obviously you..." I gesture toward the largesse that is his home.

"Well, I have my own company... I mean, owned by myself and some others. We're involved in lots of things - mostly manufacturing, some agriculture. Mainly, what I do is find other companies that have potential... but need help. And we buy them... and we grow and expand. It's always changing."

Oh, so basically he's taking over the world... okay. He said earlier that he's a numbers guy, likes control. This makes sense.

"How old are you?" I ask.

"How old are you?" He asks. "It's my turn."

"Seventeen," I say flippantly.

His eyes widen in horror. Oh shit, I didn't think he'd actually believe me. This isn't funny. "Just kidding! I'm just kidding... I'm twenty-one, almost twenty-two."

He visibly relaxes. "Well that's a little better..." But he doesn't look completely comfortable. "I'm thirty-two."

Oh wow... I knew he was older, but... he's over ten years older. This is kind of hot.

"When's your birthday?" He asks. "You said you're almost twenty-two."

Okay, good. Let's keep it light and I will keep my smart mouth under control. "September 14th," I say. So maybe 'almost twenty-two' was a little bit of an exaggeration... "When's yours?"

"December 21st," he says and rolls his eyes. "I know, Christmas birthday. It kind of sucks, but I usually take off work between then and New Year's, so it's not too bad."

He pauses, considering me. "So tell me about your family. You know you kind of skirted around them before. Don't think I didn't notice." He shrugs and then looks at me expectantly.

Oh, here we go. This is something I avoid at all costs. But, he doesn't strike me as the judging type. He might as know what... I mean who... he's getting into. Well he's already been IN me... Okay, stop. He's waiting.

I take a deep breath. "Well, I grew up mostly in Montesano..." I know, I said that already. "Um, my mom died when I was four. She overdosed." I look up at him for his reaction, but his face is impassive. He's waiting for me to continue. "Um, so... my dad wasn't around so I went to live with my great-aunt until I was ten. She was fine, but just...old, and not too affectionate… But then she had to go into a nursing home. And I didn't have any other family... I mean at least family that was willing - or able - so, I went to a foster home." I stop and look up at him again.

Now his expression is sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Ana."

"And I was in and out of a few different homes - three or four, I think. They were okay. I was a good kid, so they mostly left me alone. Then when I was fifteen, a sophomore, I met Kate - at school. We were so different, but we clicked, you know? It's a long story, but eventually they became my foster family, officially, and I lived with them for 2 1/2 years, until we left for college. And we've stayed roommates - and best friends - ever since."

Wow, that is more than I have ever told anyone... at one time, anyway.

"So her family, they helped you with college?"

"Well, yes and no. I got a full scholarship - a foster kid with perfect grades... And I've always worked, since I was fifteen. So I guess it was more like they subsidized us, you know, nice apartment, a car, and so on."

He seems satisfied. "A self-made woman. I like that. It sounds like you've done very well for yourself. Lemonade from lemons and all."

"Yes, I guess... I mean, thank you." I say. "Hey, that was two questions. You cheated." I try to look pissed, but I'm sure I fail.

"So..." Okay, the burning question. He put me on the spot, so now it's his turn. "Do you do this a lot? I mean, bring women home?"

He laughs in surprise, then sobers. "Well, I guess that's a fair question. And I have, um, probed you enough tonight." I squirm as my insides clench again and he smiles.

"First of all, no I do not. I haven't had a woman here in - I guess over a year. So I won't say never, but it's been few and far between." He looks up to see if I'm satisfied with his answer.

I don't say anything, because I don't think he's finished. "Ana, I don't want you to think I troll college parties either. Dan actually invited someone he wanted me to meet… someone from the art history department." He pauses, "But, she didn't show up. And I was in the kitchen, nursing a beer, wondering how long I was required to stay… and I looked up, saw you, all… gorgeous-but-not-knowing-it in that yellow bikini, and something in me just… shifted." He shrugs. "And I feel bad about how things... I mean about earlier. Not that I didn't enjoy it, you know - _a lot_ \- but, I don't want you to think… It really has been over a year and I was... overcome by you."

Oh, this is news. Very reassuring news.

"And I can't believe that you're sitting here with me - calmly talking - after..." He shrugs.

Me neither, honestly. I mean, we just did _that_ , and now we're sitting here in this tub - _naked_ \- just chatting away. "I don't know," I say, "To be honest, I think I'm kind of just... in shock. I mean, I think you'll believe me when I say I don't do this either." I smirk.

We sit quietly for a minute. Then he says, "I'm glad the art historian didn't show up." And he grins. "Ready to get out?"

"Yes, me too..." I squeak. "Um, you first."

He grins and stands up, untangling his legs from mine. There are some bubbles clinging to him, but - oh - I can see enough. He climbs out and he's all - chiseled and muscular. He's graceful too... it's not fair.

He walks over and grabs two fluffy white towels from a shelf by the door. He wraps one around his waist and walks back over to me, unfolding the towel as he does. He holds his free hand. "Come on, out you come."

Jeez, what am I, a small child? I quickly splash my neck and face with water so I am totally refreshed, and run my hands quickly under my arms and down my legs - especially my, um, sticky thigh. I take a deep breath and stand up. The bubbles cling to me too, but I know they're not giving me much protection.

He smiles and I see his eyes take me in, head to toe. I grip his hand and clamber out... not that gracefully, I'm afraid. He wraps the towel around me and pulls me close.

"Okay?" He asks. "Yes," I whisper.

Then he leans forward and kisses me softly under my left ear, along my jaw to my mouth. Oh, there's the electricity again, surging and pulsing, all the way down _there_.

He starts to kiss me in earnest then, but more gently than before. I answer back, and surprise myself that I don't even feel awkward. I just lose myself in the warmth of his lips and the taste of him. I open my mouth just a teeny bit, and he pushes his tongue in, but still slow and gentle. I answer back again, probing and exploring with mine.

Then I feel him push against me. Oh, this beautiful man still wants me.

Finally, he pulls back and looks at me. His eyes are smoldering, a deep grey color - hmm, like his name...

"You have amazing eyes, Ana. Such an innocent, sky blue... but, intent. Like you're constantly sizing me up."

I smile, but I don't break my gaze. "I could say the same to you. Except for the blue part, of course, um... Mr. Grey."

"So, he says. "I told you that I wanted to bring you here - to make it up to you - from my earlier... lack of conduct."

"Yes, I remember," I say. Now I blush and look down. I know where this is going, and I already know what I'll say. I am not leaving now. No way.

"So what'll it be, Ana?" He asks, "Home... or bed?"

"Bed." I say immediately, and as sweetly as I can manage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

He is done talking. He just scoops me up and carries me out and into the bedroom, depositing me on his huge bed. It's soft, with a modern, dark wood frame and plain, dark green bedding.

He walks over and turns on a small, bedside lamp before flipping off the overhead lights. He comes back over and unwraps my towel. "Stand," he says, and I oblige. He dries me off carefully, starting at my neck and working his way down. He drops my towel on the floor and then takes off his own, drying himself quickly. He drops his towel too and steps up close to me, as close as he can without touching. Oh, we are totally naked - nothing left between us but the electricity again, snapping and popping away.

I don't know where to look. I can't bring myself to meet his eyes, but if I look down... So I just shOh, I know where he's heading... ut my eyes tight.

"Ana, you have a beautiful body. I could gaze at you all day. You should be unashamed of your nakedness."

I don't answer, but I finally look up and meet his eyes.

He grips my chin with one hand and kisses me softly, then wraps with other hand around my ass and pulls me close. Ohhh... again... he presses against me gently but firmly... once, twice, three times. My groin clenches and I feel a surge of energy travel down to my knees and bacbackk up.

He leads me over to the bed, pulls the covers back, and uses his body to push me down onto it. And then he's on top of me, propped up on his elbows. He scoots down and swirls his tongue around the tip of my one of my nipples, then takes the whole thing in his mouth and sucks - hard. Then he moves to the other side, repeating his attentions. Ah! It's only just not painful. The sensation is shooting up and down my body. Then he moves down, licking and biting softly as he goes. He pauses at my navel and swirls his tongue around leisurely. Then he continues on down and oh, I know where he is heading... and he stops.

"Hmm..." he says softly. "I want you to come with me inside you this time. I know you're sore, so we're going to try a different position. Ready?" I nod emphatically. I cannot speak. And he's going on like it's a business meeting. Just get on with it! Please!

He reaches over to his bedside table, opens the drawer, and pulls out a foil packet. He lays it on the bed next to me. Then he grabs me by an elbow and hip and flips me over quickly. Oh! He grips my hips and pulls my butt up in the air and I have to balance on my knees and elbows, my face pressed into the mattress. I hear him rip open the foil and then he takes me again. This time it's slow and sensual, but builds to an intensity that I didn't even know existed.

"Fuck! Ana... that was..." He rolls to the side and pulls me with him, spooning me, pulling me in tight. "Oh baby... are you okay? Talk to me."

I stretch, my legs lengthening along his, ahh... "Yes," I whisper. And that's it... my eyes flutter closed… I am drifting... and I'm gone.

When I wake up, I'm on my back, arms and legs splayed out. I look over and there he is, still on his side facing me. Hmm... sleeping Christian. His lips are slightly parted and he looks so peaceful... so beautiful. I turn my head and look at the bedside clock. 11:05... I smile. If I was home, Kate and I would probably be watching... Shit, Kate!

I sit up in a panic. My phone! In my bag... in the bathroom... I glance back at Christian, but he hasn't stirred. I carefully get up and pad to the bathroom. I shut the door softly and flip on the light. I have to squint a little, but I dig through my bag and find my phone. Oh no... it's been on silent, and there are three texts from Kate.

 **9:45 PM**

 **Ana. It's been two hours.**

 **You promised to check in.**

 **Where are you?**

 **10:13 PM**

 **Damn it Ana.**

 **In the cab... headed home.**

 **Hope you are OK.**

 **No one knew who you left with.**

 **10:47 PM**

 **I'm home safe.**

 **Wish I could say the same for you.**

 **Please check in!**

—

 **11:08 PM**

 **Kate! Sorry!**

 **I am ok.**

 **More than ok.**

 **I am safe in bed, will check in first thing tomorrow.**

 **Promise! XO**

—

 **Ana - tell me...**

 **Where are you?**

 **Who are you with?**

 **No judging... Just in case.**

 **X**

—

 **Too much to text.**

 **Promise I am safe.**

 **Will tell you tomorrow.**

 **Love u,**

 **Goodnight.**

 **X**

—

Oh, I am going to pay for this tomorrow. But actually, that was fun. She has done this enough times to me - no call, no text. At least I texted back. I leave my phone on silent and stick it back in my bag.

Now I am wide awake. I use the toilet. No more blood, not too sore, relatively clean. Hmm, condom sex is much less messy.

I wash my hands. I really want to put on my panties, but I should save them for morning. I pull out my deodorant and apply it quickly. My mouth feels nasty and I really want to brush my teeth.

I eye the blue toothbrush and tube of toothpaste that is sticking out of a small cup on the counter. I mean, he's been... in all... I blush. I shrug and grab them out, brushing my teeth vigorously. I rinse and take a long drink of water. Ah, much better.

I examine myself in the mirror. I still look the same... maybe my lips are a little swollen, my hair a little... fucked. Again. And of course I'm naked. I am not used to seeing myself naked. I usually just strip, shower, dress... not stopping to and look. I examine my body. Christian wants me to be unashamed... I try to see what he sees. I mean, I am not curvy, but I'm not bad. Blue eyes, straight nose, not a bad chin. Long neck, thin - but squared - shoulders, slender torso that curves in just a bit before widening to my hips. Small - but perky - breasts with dark, even nipples. Small, dark patch of pubic hair. And thank goodness for the bikini- at least I shaved - everywhere - this morning. Overall, pretty good... uncomplicated, like a teenager's body. No wonder he believed I was seventeen. I blush and roll my eyes. I can't believe I did that to him.

I walk to the door, flip off the light, tiptoe over to the bed, and there he is. Good. He's still asleep... and still beautiful. I glance at the clock - 11:19 - and slip back into bed, rolling to face Christian and pulling the covers up to my chin.

I am still wide awake... playing the night's events over and over in my head. This is the first time I've really had a chance to think. Has it really only been four hours? FOUR HOURS, and my life is completely flipped upside-down. Oh, I am going to fall for this man. And I can only hope that he catches me, because otherwise I am going to get hurt. I close my eyes... and I'm falling...

...

I'm warm, and it's bright. I open my eyes and sunlight is pouring in, bathing me and the bed, a green bed... I startle all the way awake. Christian Grey's bed... but no Christian Grey. I sit up and listen and I can hear some sounds from above. I glance at the clock - 7:20. My stomach grumbles... ooh, I never ate last night. I want breakfast and COFFEE.

I get up and head into the bathroom. There's a gray waffle robe on the counter next to my bag. A white, v-neck t-shirt and a pair of navy boxer briefs are neatly folded on top of it. Wow, he thinks of everything!

I use the toilet, wash my hands, and slip the boxer briefs on. They're soft and it feels so nice to have underwear on again! They're too big, of course, but I roll over the waist once and they're great. I slip on the t-shirt and the robe, leaving it untied. Okay, better... I am clothed. I look at myself in the mirror. Still me... I look well-rested, pink cheeked. But my hair... ugh, it has not improved with sleep. I take it down, brush it out, and put it in a ponytail. I smooth my bangs to one side. Good enough.

I put away my brush and send a quick text to Kate - best to pacify her... and head her off.

 **7:28 AM**

 **Kate,**

 **I survived the night.**

 **J/k... ;)**

 **Good morning!**

 **I am fine. Better than fine.**

 **Will text when I am headed home.**

 **X Ana**

I eye his toothbrush and pick it up, feeling the bristles. Yep, they're wet. He has brushed his teeth with this - recently. Hmm... I shrug and quickly brush my teeth - again. Surely he can't mind about the toothbrush... I _am_ wearing his underwear.

I smile to myself and make my way upstairs to find him. He's in the kitchen - facing away from me, filling the coffee maker, I think. Mmm... coffee, please! I sidle up to the breakfast bar and clear my throat. He turns and smiles at me - a full-on, megawatt, good-morning smile. Ooh, he is still real. And delicious.

"Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Good morning," I answer quickly. "Yes, thank you, and you?"

He smirks. "Yes, it was very... satisfying."

He crosses to me and gives me a soft kiss. He pulls back, "You've brushed your teeth."

"Um... yes, I used your toothbrush." Now it's my turn to smirk.

"Oh Anastadia Steele, what am I going to do with you?" He gives me another quick peck and smiles. "Coffee?"

"YES, please!" I say and slide up on one of the stools - sitting down cautiously. Ooh... okay, yep... that smarts. I'm sore, but it passes quickly. At least he's making coffee and not watching... for once.

He finishes, leaves it to brew, and turns the me. "How about breakfast? I don't know about you, but I skipped dinner last night and I've - um - worked up an appetite." He smiles again. He must be a morning person. "What do you like?"

Hmmm... I liked it all.

"For breakfast?"

Oh! Right. "Oh, anything... cereal, maybe eggs?"

"Yes, eggs sound good. Scrambled?"

"Yes, please. And... maybe some more ibuprofen?" I blush.

He gets the bottle and this time, a small glass of orange juice. "Sorry, Ana. It won't be like this every time."

"I know... it's fine. I mean, it was totally worth it." This time it's my turn to smile. The orange juice is delicious - cold and sweet, so refreshing.

Christian serves up eggs, toast, and COFFEE in short order. I dig in - I am so hungry and it's all delicious. He brings over a bowl of fruit. I choose a banana and eat that too. Mmm... finally I am full.

We chat all through breakfast. It turns out that we both like to hike, and we've been on a lot of the same trails. We both like Tiger Lake, with it's high alpine meadow, the best. Well, at least it's his local favorite. He's been all over - Continental Divide, Appalachia, Canada... even Europe. I sigh. Other than a high school class trip to Los Angeles, I haven't been out of the Pacific Northwest. It's a great area, with lots to do, but I'd love to travel. Hiking in Europe... maybe Iceland... with Christian... Too soon, Ana! Don't go there.

We finish breakfast and Christian takes the dishes over and places them in the sink. He pauses and I see his shoulders tense and he grips the lip of the sink. Uh oh... what's this? He turns and his face is serious... wary. My gut clenches. This is it. This has been too good to be true. He's married... or has a girlfriend. I am so stupid. I am numb with shock and disappointment.

"Ana, I... I wasn't completely forthcoming with you last night. When I told you about my family, I left out some important details... some important people."

Oh, I knew it! The lump in my stomach rises into my throat. I cannot speak, cannot move. I just stare at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for following along! I am brand-new to this, so your feedback means a lot to me. Now back to the story...**

 **Chapter Four**

 _Christian_

 _Okay, Grey, how are you going to save this one? This girl is about to run. At least I have taken care of Leila. I had a signed cancellation of our contract sent to her by messenger this morning. Techincally, last night was a breach of our contract. But I hadn't been with her since two weekends ago and I missed our last two Wednesday nights due to work engagements. And, to be honest, I had been mentally and emotionally distant from her for over a month. She'll be pissed, but she'll just have to get over it. She's the perfect submissive – pliable, very flexible, and a tiny bit naughty – and she'll make another match soon enough._

 _My main problem is standing right in front of me, looking like I just ripped her heart out and stomped on it. I take a deep breath and begin…_

Ana

He freezes when he sees my face. "It's not what you think," he begins. "I mean, I'm... Can I just show you?"

I frown. Where is he going with this? He comes and takes my hand, and I have no choice but to get up and follow him. I keep my mind blank, trying not to panic.

He leads me up the stairs this time, and there's a large landing overlooking the living area. There's a small couch, a couple of beanbag chairs... I don't... And then he opens the two doors off the landing, first one and then the other... leaving them open and stepping back to let me look in. I have a partial view of both rooms. I step forward and - oh my. They are both bright and colorful... patterned bedding, lots of pink. They are little girls' rooms! Two little girls. He has... I turn to him. I know my jaw has dropped. I did not see this coming.

He's watching me, gauging my reaction. "You have..." I stutter, "I mean, you're..."

"Yes," He says. "I'm a dad... I have two daughters, Marissa and Ellie. They're amazing, they're... my world." He stops, still watching me.

"Wow," is all I can manage. I should ask him something! What do people usually ask about kids? I know! "How old are they?"

He smiles, and seems to relax a little. "Marissa's eight... she's smart and very serious, like me. Ellie just turned five... she's... crazy, wild, loving." He shrugs. His face is glowing, proud. I think he's a good dad.

I am still a little shell shocked, but hmmm... it's okay. Maybe even good. Good dad, good human being. But, where are they? I bet he only has them part-time. What's it called? Shared custody. He has a past... an ex. Of course he does, stupid! He's ten years older than you!

"Are they with their, um, mother?"

His face stiffens a little, but I can tell he's expecting the question.

"No, they're not... she..." He sighs. "This is why I didn't mention them last night. Not a good party conversation. Let's sit."

Uh oh. We perch on the little couch, close but not touching. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking down at his clenched hands. I don't move, I don't even want to breathe.

He takes a breath and begins. "Their mother... Chelsea... she passed away. Marissa was three and Ellie was just a baby."

Oh no. Oh Christian... this is... I don't even know.

He continues. "She was sick, had been for a long time. She was a diabetic. She went into a coma, and she never woke up." He sighs. I can tell this is hard for him, but it's a story he's had to tell many, many times. It's like a script. "We were happy, even though she was sick. She didn't let it get her down - not when she could help it. She was in theater too... I met her through Jack - Dr. Hyde. She was the star - on the stage… and in my life." He stops. I think he's done... for now. His shoulders sag, he's depleted. I reach over with one hand and rub his shoulders. He sits still for a minute, and I can feel him relaxing under my hand. Finally, he sits up, looking at me. He looks a little sad, but he manages a small smile. "Okay," he says, "Enough of that. I'm back in the present now. Come."

He stands up and holds out his hand. I take it, and he leads me down a hallway that's opposite the stairs. It's well-lit, with windows along one side. The other side is filled with photos. Two beautiful girls... smiling faces. The older one - Marissa? - is a brunette, with a sweet smile and Christian's eyes. She's very pretty and looks about eight. I think it's her current school portrait. The younger one - Ellie - is blonde with hazel eyes, and she still has a hint of her round, baby face. And he's right - she looks like a character. Dimples frame her mischievous smile. They look well-dressed, with bows in their hair. And they look happy. Yep, he's a good dad.

The girls get younger as I move down the hall. Pictures of them at the beach, playing soccer, fingerpainting... and then they're babies. Messy faces, Marissa holding Ellie tightly around the waist - sisters. And finally, there's a large photo of Marissa as a toddler. Holding her close and smiling broadly is a beautiful young woman. She has freckles and strawberry-blonde hair, pulled back into a messy ponytail. And she has Ellie's hazel eyes. One hand is on her stomach... she's pregnant. _Chelsea_.

I just stand and stare at it. I can't look away.

"That's my favorite photo of them," Christian says softly from behind me. "All three of my girls... together." He pauses. "It used to hang downstairs... but... I just..."

"I think I know..." I say, "Live in the present." I turn and pull him close and we stand there, hugging.

"You said you lost your mom too... last night. When you were four? She died of an overdose?"

I sigh. Best to just get it out there... the heavy stuff. "Yes, heroin. They didn't find her for two days."

"Where were you?" He asks.

"I was with her."

I cannot say anything more right now. That part of my life was... I think he knows this. So we stand holding each other for another minute, until he finally releases me and steps back.

"Okay," he says. "Enough? We're supposed to be on a first date here."

"Yes," I say emphatically. "Live in the present."

We head back downstairs. "Shower time?" He asks. Ooh, yes... please. I nod. I forgot that I'm not even really dressed. He's in a navy t-shirt and pajama pants that hang... hmm. Yes, I like them.

"Okay, so shower and then maybe a walk? It's a nice day... Or do you need to get home?"

"Nope, no particular time..." And when I get home, I will have to face the Kate Kavanagh inquisition. No, not in a hurry at all.

He looks me up and down. "Hmm... separate showers, I think. Otherwise I'll get distracted and we'll never make it out of the house." He smirks. "We can save that first for another day."

We go downstairs and he shows me where everything is. The shower is large and well-stocked with lots of expensive-looking bottles of soaps and shampoos. "Need anything? Another pair of my underwear?" He grins. I blush, of course. "No, I have my own... I've been saving them." I think my shorts are ok, but my t-shirt... maybe not.

"Okay if I wear this t-shirt?"

"Of course... I'll get you a sweatshirt too."

"Great, thank you. I think I'm all set then."

He nods and leaves me to it.

The shower is divine, and I sample several of his products. They all smell amazing. I wash and condition my hair. Luckily, I don't really need to shave. I could linger in here forever, but I finish up, dry off, and comb out my hair. I get dressed - my panties! - and they are decent, thank goodness. Light blue cotton, no holes or stains. And I have a clean pair of socks. Yay.

I pull out my hairbrush and feel my phone again. Kate!

I grab it out and check the time. 9:23. And of course there is a text from her.

 **8:06**

 **Glad you are alive.**

 **You still have explaining to do.**

 **Text me when you're coming home.**

 **Soon?**

—

 **9:25**

 **Thank you, Kate.**

 **Glad I am alive too ;)**

 **We are taking a walk.**

 **Will let you know...**

—

 **Ana!**

 **You know I am going crazy here!**

 **I don't even know what to think - this isn't like you... it's like ME!**

—

 **I know :)**

 **I didn't know I was missing out!**

 **Talk soon. Promise.**

 **X**

—

 **I don't like it, but... Ok.**

 **X**

I shove my phone back in my bag, apply some deodorant, and quickly brush out my hair. I wonder if he has a hairdryer... I brush my teeth again - yes! I grab my bag, open the door and walk into the bedroom. He's lying back on his - neatly made - bed, looking at his phone. He looks relaxed. "All done?" He asks.

"Yes, but... do you happen to have a hairdryer?"

"No, but my girls do." His girls! "Go ahead on up and use it... it's in the bathroom... at the end of the hall. Bottom drawer."

I thank him and scoot upstairs. Their bathroom is cheerful and girly. Light teal walls, dragonfly decor. The bottom drawer is full of little-girl hair stuff. Bows, barrettes, headbands, containers of hair ties... And the hairdryer - yes! I take my time, finger combing it as I go. When I'm done, I leave it down and tuck it behind my ears. It's shiny - happy that I finally gave it proper treatment.

I go downstairs, but Christian hasn't come up yet. I eye the fruit bowl and my stomach rumbles. I grab an apple and stand at the counter to eat it. I don't feel like subjecting my tender privates to those evil barstools again.

I'm still eating when he comes up. He is yummy - damp hair, khaki shorts, grey UW Huskies t-shirt.

"Please, help yourself to an apple," he teases.

"Thanks, I will." I say sweetly.

He opens the side door off the kitchen. Ooh... the one he quickly closed last night. And now I can see why. It i _s_ the laundry room - with coat hooks along one wall. They are filled with colorful items - pink and purple coats and backpacks. Shoes - small and large - are lined up on a shelf underneath. He grabs a pair of black converse tennis shoes - like mine! - and two hoodies. He hands me the grey one and puts the navy one on. I pull mine on - it's big and soft and smells like him. Mmm...

"Ready to go? We can walk from here."

I nod and we head out, this time through the front of the house - or is it the back? Anyway, the water side. We step out and the air is cool and fresh, smelling of the sea. There are a few steps down, and then we are on a dirt trail above the beach. Wow, he lives ON the beach. The view is amazing and I follow him along the path. We have to walk single-file for awhile. We make our way past several impressive houses until the path changes and becomes a sidewalk. We're on a little point, and there's a lighthouse. We walk out to it and around it, stopping to gaze out at the Sound before turning back to his house. We don't talk too much on our walk - I think we both have a lot to think about, to process. We stop at little beachside shack selling fish 'n chips and gorge on the fried, salty food. We keep the conversation light – I tell him about my upcoming graduation from the University of Washington and my job search. I'm going to attend the Book Expo and job fair in Portland in two weeks. And I'm hoping to land a job at a library in Seattle proper, so I can keep living with Kate. She, of course, already has an internship at a local theater lined up.

It's just after 1:30 when we arrive back at Christian's house. I realize that I'm suddenly sleepy and I yawn, not able to suppress it.

"Ready to go home?" He asks.

Actually, yes... I am. This has been... magical, wonderful. But I am spent. I cannot absorb any more... anything.

"Yes, please," I say. "I'm... it's..." I cannot even form the words.

"I know," he says, "it's a lot."

Yes… a lot. So, so much.

"I just have one more thing to ask you." I look up and his face is impassive.

Oh no. Now what? I can't take...

"Can I get your number?" He grins and we both laugh.

I happily give him my digits and he puts them right into his phone. He sends me a test message and we are officially hooked up.

 **1:37 PM**

 **Hey baby.**

 **This is Christian, BTW ;)**

—

Ooh my first text from him and a winky smiley!

We head out - in his convertible again - top down this time. It's an Audi and I can see now that it's dark blue... I love it. I put my hair into a quick ponytail and we are off. I direct him to my apartment in the U District and he parks in front.

"I better get back," he says. "My girls will be home at 4:00. Oh! Right...

"Where are your girls?"

He explains that he and his family have a rotation where he has Wednesday nights and every other weekend free. I think to myself that it sounds like a "divorce" arrangement, but I don't say that out loud. Christian Grey has a good family, I think. We finally have to say goodbye. He comes around to help me out and hands me my bag. He kisses me softly, deepening it just a touch and then pulling back.

"Thank you, Ana." He says simply. "I'll be in touch... can I see you Wednesday?"

"Yes, I would love it," I say. "Bye."

I turn to walk in, then turn back and say sweetly, "Thanks for the ride."

He laughs and I grin to myself as I walk inside. I don't look back until I'm walking through the security door. He watching me, of course. We wave and that's it... it's over. The heavy door shuts behind me and I lean back against it for a second. I need to gather my strength to meet Kate Kavanagh. I've texted her from the car, so I know she is ready and waiting to pounce. I take a deep breath and head up to our apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I am turning my key in the lock when the door flies open. Oh, here she is.

She grabs me and pulls me inside, holding me by the shoulders while she looks me up and down. She narrows her eyes, "Ana. What. The. Hell." Then, "Well... you look okay. Are you okay? And what are you wearing?"

"Yes, I told you, I'm fine, Kate. Really." I want to snap at her, but I keep my voice even.

"Good. I am SO pissed at you then. Come. Tell." And she leads me into the living room.

Ahh, HOME. It looks so comfy and normal. Has it really only been less than a day?

"I was hoping he'd be with you," she pouts. "Who IS it, Ana?"

I flop back on the couch and close my eyes. Where to begin? Then, I have a thought... this could be fun.

"Guess." I say sweetly.

I can almost hear her pursing her lips. Oh, Kate loves a challenge. "Someone from the party. It'd better be someone from the party. Not some random..."

"Yes." I say.

"Matt? Ryan? Nathan?"

"Nope." I say. She has started with the three cutest guys and is working her way down... all the way down to the pimply freshmen who are on scut duty.

"Ew! No, Kate!" Jeez!

She pauses. "Ana..." her voice is sober, tentative. "... is it Claire? You know, from lighting? I mean, it's totally... fine."

That's it. My eyes fly open and I sit up. "NO, Kate! Oh my God."

She looks relieved. "Well, I mean... you've just never... I mean you snub off like every guy. So I thought... maybe..."

"Okay, okay... enough." I say, "You are not even close. I'll tell you, but you have to be nice."

"I promise! Ana, please!"

I take a deep breath. "It's Christian Grey. I spent the night with Christian Grey."

The look her face is amazing. It is out of this world. Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. Then a slow smile spreads across her face. "Holy SHIT, Ana."

"Yes, that pretty much sums it up!" And we giggle. Ah, this is more like it.

"So did you..."

I blush and flop back on the couch again, my hands on my face. "Kate, I am not going to give you the play-by-play. But, yes... twice."

She squeals. "Finally! So did you come?"

"Kate!" Could my face get any redder? "Yes! And that's all you're getting for now! I'm going to lie down... I'm so... Oh it was just so... a lot."

I stand up and walk into my room, shutting the door firmly. I have survived Christian and now Kate. I flop onto my bed, wrapped in Christian's sweatshirt - his scent - and I am out.

When I wake up, my clock says 4:38. I stretch. Mmm... I feel better.

I use the bathroom and head out to the living area. Kate is at her computer, typing away. I should be doing the same. We have three more weeks of classes, then finals. Then the week after that is graduation! I can't believe it. My academic career is winding down.

Luckily, I am pretty caught up on things. But, I still need to get Christian out of my head for now and focus. Suddenly I am flooded with images of his eyes, his muscles... the way he... Ooh! My groin clenches.

"Ana! I just asked if you wanted to get Chinese. Twice."

"What? Sorry Kate. I'm just a little... distracted."

She smirks. "Oh Ana, I have never seen you like this. You have it bad!"

We order Chinese and eat it while working on our separate projects. I have a test on technology in the library this week. Kate's a star on the stage - she's never been a top student, but she works hard - and she's tenacious about chasing her dreams.

We watch some crap TV and drink cheap red wine. It feels so normal, except that I am clutching my phone the whole time. Will he text me tonight? I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. The more time that passes, the less real he seems. What if it was all just a dream? Well, I'm still wearing his clothes and if I wriggle - just so - yep, I am definitely sore. We head off to bed, and I am just lying down when my phone pings. And my heart is in my throat.

 **10:05 PM**

 **Hey Ana... still awake?**

 **Hope it's not too late.**

—

 **Hey... nope, still awake.**

 **And still in your clothes.**

 **I may never take them off...**

—

 **I wish you were in MY bed.**

 **And I would have no problem taking them off. Slowly.**

—

Ooh! Playful Christian. This is delicious.

 **I wish I was too...**

 **I'll wear them on Wednesday ;)**

—

 **I could do this all night...**

 **But I have to deal with the corporate world in the morning.**

 **So I am going to shut my eyes and think about it instead.**

 **Goodnight, Ana. Sweet dreams.**

 **XO**

—

 **Goodnight, Christian.**

 **Me too.**

 **Dream of me.**

 **X**

—

The next two days are filled with classes, homework, my job at the campus library. I am mostly on re-shelving duty... lots of time to think. About him. We text on and off… playful, flirty messages.

...

Wednesday! It's finally Wednesday. My last class let out at 2:00, so I've had time to shower and shave... thoroughly. I have no idea what he has planned for tonight... just that he's picking me up at 5:30.

It's an overcast day, so I decide on jeans and a fitted, forest green, crewneck sweater. Hopefully he's not taking me anywhere too dressy... I pack an overnight bag with a dress... just in case, a set of casual clothes, and my new purchase... a lacy black nightgown. It's fitted and reaches to mid-thigh. And there are matching panties. Kate really wanted me to get the thong, but... hmm... NO.

I peek outside at 5:27 and he's just pulling up in his giant SUV. He parks and I see him check his reflection before getting out. Hmm... he's wearing jeans and a chamois shirt... good!

I grab my bag and head outside. As soon as he spots me, a slow grin spreads across his face. I know that I'm grinning too. And then I am in his arms... ahh. There's his scent - body wash and male... mmm - and the feeling of his arms around me. Too quickly, he pulls back and his eyes travel up and down my body. "You're real," he says, "I was beginning to think that I dreamed you."

I laugh and tell him that I felt the same. Oh how are we so connected. And it's only been four days. FOUR DAYS!

"All set?" He asks.

"Yep," I answer, "I wasn't sure what to wear... or pack."

"Well," he says, "You look fantastic, and otherwise..." he shrugs.

We get into the giant SUV, and hmmm... it's not so bad. The seats are soft, black leather. It's an Audi, like the convertible. I glance in the back - there are three rows - and directly behind me there's a pink booster seat. I smile at the sight of it in such a masculine car.

We head out in the direction of his house and soon we're in a waterfront shopping area... wait, I know this place. "Oh! I say. This is the Queen Anne Shores district."

"You know it?"

"Yes, I've been here a few times with Kate. There's a little Greek place we like..."

"Yes!" He says, "Papou's! I love that place." And he grins and pulls up right in front of the little restaurant.

We laugh and chat our way through dinner... talking about everything, but nothing in particular. I remind him about my upcoming convention and job fair, and that I'm disappointed that it falls on what should be our first full weekend together. But secretly, I'm a little relieved. I know that I'll have my period then, and... it's not a conversation that I feel comfortable having with him.

After dinner, we wind in and out of the little tourist shops. He buys me a beaded bracelet that I admire - it's cheap and kitschy - I love it and put it on immediately.

Then, it's time to head to his place. My belly clenches at the idea. Last time, I was partially in shock... adrenaline and curiosity kept me going. But this time, I can feel the anticipation building.

The weather has cleared off, so Christian pours us some wine and we take it out on the patio. The view is of the sun setting over the Olympics is... breathtaking. We hold hands, sitting in side-by-side Adirondack chairs. As soon as dusk settles in and everything fades to black and gray, he tugs my hand, pulling me over to sit on his lap, facing him. He pulls me in and kisses me deeply, and we're in a tangle - tongues meeting, hands searching. Then he stops, stands me up, and peels off my jeans and panties, pulling my flats off with them... oh! Then he fumbles with his pants, opening them and pulling a foil packet from his back pocket- whoa, Boy Scout preparedness... and hands it to me. "You do the honors," he says.

Hmm... but first - I want to taste him...

Too soon, he stops the sides of my head, drilling me. "Ana, stop. I don't want to come in your mouth... I want you on top."

Hmm.. okay. I slide my mouth off, tear open the foil packet, and take out the condom. Oh! It's sticky.

"Pinch the bottom and then roll it on... please, baby." He sounds desperate.

Okay! It's awkward, but I finally manage and he grabs my wrists, pulling me back onto his lap...

...

"Ah! Mmmmm... oh FUCK," I say, melting into him.

"Ana?"

"Hmmm..." I think I drifted off for a minute.

"When's your period due?"

What?! What the hell... Now I'm awake.

"Why?"

"Because we need to sort out some birth control for you... I hate these things." And he peels off the condom, knotting it before dropping it on the deck.

I blush. Oh... how can I be with doing... what I just did and be shy about this?

"Next weekend... when I'm in Portland."

"Good." He says, "Are you okay with going to the university clinic? Maybe get on the pill... or whatever you want. I assume you've never had to..."

"No... I mean, yes I can go and no I haven't... but... that's fine." Crap! They are going to give me a full exam and see how sore I am... what we've been up to!

He hugs me. "Thank you, baby."

We head to bed and I slip on my black lace nightgown and panties. Oh, I look... pretty good. I wasn't anticipating sex on the deck before bedtime, but - hmm - bonus!

Christian has already brushed his teeth and gotten in bed. I quickly brush my teeth and my hair, leaving it loose.

I open the bathroom door and walk slowly over to the bed. He's typing something on his phone, so I wait for him to look up. When he does, his eyes widen and then darken immediately.

"Get in bed," he says hoarsely.

I comply and he's instantly on top of me... probing... searching... ahhh. Again!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

The next week is consumed by my classes. I have been so distracted that I have to cram… I never cram! And I have four papers due… four! Thursday through Tuesday, I am eaten alive by my studies. Christian and I text on and off, but he knows I have to focus. He says it's okay if we can't meet on Wednesday, but I hate to miss it… I am already going to be gone this weekend! Finally, I decide that I can have a real dinner break. I have to eat, right? We meet at a little Mexican place near my apartment. It's dark and sweet, with a Mariachi band that keeps serenading us. We laugh and eat and laugh some more.

He takes me home and we linger outside my building.

"I wish I could come home with you… or invite you in, but I really need to get through this week. It's kind of a push between now and finals… and I have that convention this weekend."

"I get it," he says. "I've been there."

He kisses me warmly, wishes me luck in Portland, then he's gone…oh, I regret it almost immediately! It's going to be another whole week. I sigh and head inside… 17th Century Literature awaits...

…

I stayed up late making up for my dinner break, and almost overslept, but squeaked into my 9:00 class. I have a 10:15 appointment at the student health center to get checked out and - hopefully - get some contraception. At least I haven't - you know - in over a week. So maybe it won't be too obvious… except the whole asking for birth control. Ugh! This is so embarrassing, but it beats the alternative - since Christian hates condoms… and it REALLY beats the other alternative.

An attractive, brunette female doctor enters the exam room. She's probably late forties, brisk and efficient. "Hello, Anastasia. I'm Dr. Greene. I see you're here for an exam and to secure some contraception?"

I blush. "Hello, um, yes... I mean, please."

Her brown eyes are warm, but assessing. She presses her lips into a thin line, then asks if I have been sexually active.

"Yes," I squeak. Ugh! Get it together, Steele! I really want out of here. I need to find my happy place. Christian's bed... No! Don't go there...

"And did you use a condom every time?" She asks, making notes.

"Um, almost... I mean, we were careful..." Crap.

Luckily, she doesn't ask me to elaborate. She just quirks an eyebrow and makes more notes. Then she asks me to lie back, feet in the stirrups... Yes, I know the drill. Thankfully, she continues to be efficient and we are finished within a few minutes. She writes me a prescription for the pill, instructs me to start taking it on the first day of my period, and admonishes me to take it at the same time every day. Got it. Phew!

I take the prescription to the nearest Walgreens - and for a co-pay of $6.23 - I have my own slim pack of pills. Birth control - check!

...

My last class on Friday finishes at 2:00 and I am off to Portland… time to find a job! I merge onto I-5, heading south, and step on the gas. Kate's - our - car is fun to drive. It's a black, Mercedes CLK convertible and I have no problem merging into the Friday afternoon traffic. The drive is uneventful until I hit Portland traffic at rush hour, which is complete gridlock all the way downtown to the hotel and conference center. I check in and spot the convention floor as I head to my room. It's after 6:00, so it's closed for the day, but it's books as far as the eye can see. Heaven!

On Saturday, Portland's Book Expo is a whirlwind of booths, vendors, publishers, fan fiction… But what interests me the most is the job fair. I walk around and try to look professional, smiling and chatting, filling out applications for library systems in the Seattle area. Luckily, I'm in my element and it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I can talk about books and reading all day. They used to be my whole life until... Hmmm, maybe I will just send him a flirty text. Or three...

Sunday morning, I wake up feeling sluggish - just really tired - all day. After the closing speakers, it's time to head home. Kate has gone to see her - our - parents for a few days, so I have the apartment to myself. I arrive home at 5 pm and just collapse. From then through Tuesday afternoon, I just study... sleep… read… watch TV… text... um, _sext_ Christian. So much has been going on - classes are wrapping up, finals and graduation are looming, the convention was overwhelming. And speaking of overwhelming...

Around 7:00 on Tuesday evening, I get a wave of energy. Tomorrow is Wednesday and I get a night with him! I head into my bathroom to empty my bag from my trip to Portland and re-pack it. I feel a small, cardboard box in the side pocket and pull it out. _Tampax Pearls_ … packed because I knew I would get my period over the weekend. _Shit_. And right next to the box is my pack of pills. I quickly do the mental calculations. I should have started on Friday… maybe Saturday… And now it's Tuesday night… SO. Oh no, I am four or five days late. My period is four or five days late. _Shit_. I have never been more than a day late in my life.

After counting the days again… and again, I have a thought. Kate has a test.. an extra test! She had a scare several months ago and made me go to the pharmacy with her. Ugh, it was horrible… But the part that comes to mind is that it was a 2-pack of tests. And after the first one was - thank God - negative, she shoved the other one in the back of her bathroom drawer.

I scurry across the apartment and through Kate's bedroom to her en-suite bathroom. I pull out the top, right-hand drawer and there it is - tucked all the way in the back. An innocent-looking pink and white wrapper with those scary words - _First Response Pregnancy Test_.

Oh no. This cannot be happening. I'm twenty-one… a 4.0 student, a virgin until three short weeks ago… I finally have my first boyfriend...and it's only been THREE WEEKS! And I'm a librarian for God's sake! I grab the test and scurry back across the apartment to the safety of my own bathroom. Like that's going to help, stupid! You should have worried about safety three weeks ago!

I rip it open and slide the wand-shaped tester out. With it comes a slender, folded paper - instructions. It doesn't appear to be much more complicated than the act that got me in this situation in the first place. Okay, pee on the stick & make sure the urine line goes past the window, wait three endless minutes, then look to see if life-as-I-know-it is over. Thank goodness I do need to pee, so I sit down and hold the stick in place while my warm pee streams over it… and my hand. Gross. I hold it up and watch as the faintly yellow line of pee fills the window. Then I flip the thing over and slap it on the counter. Okay, three minutes…

I head into my bedroom and check the time on my phone. 7:43, but it immediately changes to 7:44. Okay. _Shit, shit, shit_ … now 7:45. _No, no, no_ … now 7:46. This is the longest three minutes of my life, but I am not going back in that bathroom until the clock says 7:47. _Please, please, please_ … 7:47. I walk slowly back into the bathroom and eye the thing on the counter like it will give me a hint. Suck it up, Ana! I take a deep breath and flip it over. And there they are, two pink lines. I grab the tester and look at it again. Two clear, definite pink lines. Black stars appear at the sides of my vision and my head feels fuzzy. Oh no… I sink to the floor and put my head between my knees until the feeling passes.

I wait a minute and then stand up and stagger into the living room, still clutching the tester in my hand. I sink onto the couch, cover up with my favorite fuzzy blanket, and flip on the TV, staring blankly at whatever fills the screen. _Forrest Gump_ \- perfect. It doesn't matter what's on the screen. I am watching my life as it passes before my eyes. My past… my present, which has been until this moment completely satisfying… and my future - oh no. No, I cannot go there. Sometime later - I don't know how long - but it's past dark, I hear Kate's keys jingling in the lock.

"Ana? What's going on? Why are you sitting in the dark?" She flips on the overhead lights and I blink in the sudden brightness. I feel groggy and numb. "Ana?" She asks again when she sees my face. "Ana, what's wrong?"

"I stole your pregnancy test. The one you had in your drawer." I say quietly.

"What?" She asks, sounding confused.

"Your extra pregnancy test. I stole it."

"Okay…"

I pull my arm out of the blanket and hand the tester to her. She glances down at it, lets out a slow breath, and sinks onto the couch beside me.

"How… I mean… oh, Ana. When did you…" It's a first. Kate Kavanagh is officially lost for words.

I cover my face with my hands and finally, the tears start to flow.

"Oh, Ana…. Please, talk to me. How on earth…"

"The party…. we… things… got a little, um, out of hand. And he, I mean we… were careful. At least I thought we were careful. I mean, he didn't… you know."

"He pulled out, you mean." She purses her lips. "Oh Ana… at the party? And it was your first time?"

I nod. Oh this is pathetic.

Kate starts to giggle. "Oh no, I'm sorry… it's just… I mean, that takes talent. Your first time, he pulled out, and you managed to get - you know - oh, I can't even say it."

"Pregnant, Kate. I'm pregnant. Knocked up. I just never thought those words would apply to me. To ME! Oh no…." And I start to cry again. Kate wraps her arms around me and we sit until I am all cried out - for now anyway.

"Oh Kate, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to be a mother, that's what. You're going to get all fat and round, and give BIRTH, and breastfeed… and have playdates…".

"Kate, STOP! Oh. My. Gosh. I mean what I am I going to do NOW? I have to tell him, right? I mean, it's still early… Maybe it won't even, you know, take. It might not even happen."

"Ana, you have to tell him. I mean, even if you didn't - you know - keep it. It'll always be this THING. I mean if it doesn't.. or if you… you know. I mean, unless you're planning on breaking up with him."

"Kate! No, and NO. I am not breaking up with him. And I am not doing THAT."

"Then you have to tell him, Ana. Don't put it off - it'll just make it worse. I'm sorry Ana…" And she wraps her arms around me once again.

After a little while, I thank Kate for being the best friend ever and say I am going to bed. I head into my room and check the time. 10:35. Shit, my phone… it's been sitting in here this whole time. It's only been three hours, but it feels like a lifetime. I feel spent, wrung out, and - yes - knocked up. Unbelievable.

I grab my phone and sure enough, there are two messages from him. Christian. The father of my child. Oh my.

 _ **9:27**_

 _ **Hey baby, hope you had a good day.**_

 _ **I can pick you up at your place at 5:30 tomorrow?**_

 _ **9:53**_

 _ **Ana, you there?**_

 **...**

 **10:36**

 **Hi - yes. 5:30 sounds good.**

 **...**

 _ **There you are. Are you ok?**_

 **...**

 **Sorry. Didn't hear my phone.**

 **Fine, just tired.**

 **See you tomorrow.**

 **XO**

 **...**

 _ **Ok. Goodnight, sleep tight.**_

 _ **X**_

 **...**

 **Goodnight.**

 **X**

Oh boy, he knows something's up. But I am not in a playful texting mood. He will just have to sweat it out. It's not like I'm having the time of my life over here. I curl on my side, wrap my arms around my chest, and - thank goodness - I drift…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

 _Christian_

 _When my alarm buzzes at 6:00, my first thought is of her..._ Ana _. These past two weeks, when she's had to focus on school and her job search, have given me time to clear my head. What happened that first night was stupid. Inexcusable. I don't have unprotected sex. I don't have sex without a contract and an NDA. I don't take women to my home. I don't tell them about my girls. I keep them separate. Wednesday nights and every other weekend at Escala. Two worlds that will never meet. That's it. That's the deal._

 _I get up and check my work email..._ Ana _. I go into my home gym and do strength workout..._ Ana _. I wake up my girls, and for a few minutes, they snap me out of my funk with their chatter. But then there she is again..._ Ana _. I drive the girls to school and then go to work, holing myself up in my office..._ Ana _. She's in my head, under my skin._

 _What am I going to do about her? What do I want her to be? A submissive? Number sixteen? I don't think so._

 _And deep down, I know what I want. I want back into the light, into the world that Chelsea showed me..._ Chelsea _. After I showed up at college, lost and broken after Elena, Chelsea saved me. And after I lost her, I lost myself again. I slipped back into the dark._ _And then I saw her..._ Ana _._ _And something in me shifted, righted itself._

 _Her texts last night were distant, off. Maybe she's feeling it too. The need for separation. She's just starting out - graduating and getting her first real job - and she doesn't need me taking over her life. I'm seeing her tonight and I have to take her to Escala. Show her, lay it out. Explain how I am - what I am - and why. Make her understand that I want her, but I need to keep my two worlds from colliding. And I can only hope that she doesn't run._

Ana

I wake to sunlight streaming in my window. I glance at the clock and it's 8:57. Jeez, I have slept almost ten solid hours. Suddenly, reality washes over me and I freeze in panic. Pregnant. I'm pregnant. I can almost pretend it was all a dream… a nightmare? But there's the wicked little tester on my bedside table, the two pink lines glowing clearly in the morning sunlight. _Shit_.

Kate has already left for the day, so thankfully I do not have to even appear to function. I try to study, but I can't concentrate. Instead, I stumble through a long day of mindless television. I do not want to think about tonight. What am I even going to say? Well, I know what I have to say. What is he going to say? What will he do? _Shit, shit, shit._

I'm actually relieved when it's time to get ready and I shower, shaving and buffing everything. Afterwards, I stand in front of the mirror and examine myself critically. From the front… from the side. Amazingly, I look the same, if a bit shell-shocked. There are dark circles under my eyes and - _crap_ \- I realize that I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday. Oh, hat can't be good. And I am not sure that I'll be able to stomach dinner, either. Maybe after I tell him. Ack, I have to tell him! I quickly chug a glass of water - surely fluids are good? - and carefully dry my hair, leaving it loose and waving over my shoulders.

Ok, what am I going to wear? What does a person wear to give her boyfriend – her _new_ boyfriend - life-changing news? I don't know what he has planned for tonight. I check the weather - Ooh, 72 degrees and sunny! Finally a break in the weather and I have been wallowing inside on this beautiful day. I don't want to be stuck in a stuffy restaurant with a waiter hovering over us. Maybe I will suggest a walk… but he'll want dinner. A picnic! Yes, I will suggest a picnic.

I head into my bedroom and quickly dress in something cool and casual - navy and white linen shirt, sleeves rolled up, over a white tank top, my best khaki shorts, my new sandals. Yes, I look cool and casual, even if I don't feel that way at all. Ok, time check - 5:08. I quickly pack an overnight bag, grab my stuff and head to the front window. I peek out and there he is, leaning against his sporty convertible - top down. Yes! White linen shirt, gray flannel pants that hang just so, Ray-bans. He looks all Christian and yummy. Oh - if I could only relax enough to enjoy it. I take a deep breath and head outside, locking up.

He smiles warily at me and gives me a quick peck on the cheek while checking me over, head to toe. Oh, he knows something's up. There has been no playful texting today. "Hello, baby. Okay? Good to go?"

"Yes, fine." I say sweetly.

He hands me a pair of Ray-bans and a Mariner's ball cap. Yes, I can hide under these. I tuck my hair through the back of the cap and slide on the sunglasses. We head out toward I-5 and I don't even realize it, but I am fidgeting, twisting my hands together. He reaches over and takes my left hand in his right. "Ana, what's wrong? I know something's up with you. Please talk to me."

"Um, sorry… I've just had a lot on my mind. You know, lots of changes."

"Okay." He says, but I can tell he's not convinced. "What would you like to do tonight?"

"I was thinking maybe a picnic? Maybe down by the water."

"Okay, yes. It's a nice night for it. I know a good place." He smiles a little more cheerily and squeezes my hand. I finally let out a breath, relax a little, and try to enjoy this beautiful drive in this beautiful car with this beautiful man.

He pulls into a spot by the waterfront and there are several food trucks parked nearby. It's crowded - people have come out of hiding to enjoy this warm, sunny evening.

We grab a couple of burritos and diet Cokes and manage to find a small table that's set a bit apart from the rest. Christian sits across from me and immediately digs in, taking a large bite of his burrito. I slowly unwrap mine, carefully folding back the foil and tucking little bits of lettuce back into the tortilla. I open my diet Coke and take a small sip and look up. My stomach immediately clenches. He's glaring at me now, his mouth set in a thin line. "Ana. Please talk to me."

I look down and pick at the corner of my foil.

"Ana!" He says, and now there's desperation in his voice. "What is it? Are you breaking up with me?"

What? No! My eyes fly up to his and I see fear in his eyes.

"Ana, please…. I mean, I thought things were going so well. Please, baby, tell me."

"No! It's not that - I mean - of course I'm not." I look down, take a deep breath, let it out. Look up, meet his eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

I have heard the expression about blood draining from a person's face, but I had never seen it before now. His face is red and then suddenly it is chalky white.

"What?"

Jeez! Don't make me say it again!

"I'm pregnant, Christian."

Suddenly he is up and out of his seat and over on my side. He scoots in next to me and wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. Oh thank goodness. I can feel him trembling, and I know I am too. We just sit for a minute or two until he finally pulls back and looks at me.

"Oh Ana, oh baby…. I'm sorry. From the…from our first? … Oh, I should have known better." He drops his gaze from mine and then looks back up at me. "How did you… when did you… are you sure?" Wow, first Kate Kavanagh and now Christian Grey, lost for words.

Now it's my turn to look down. "Last night... I went to pack for tonight and realized that I hadn't unpacked from the convention. And my - um, essentials - and my new pills were still in there. I never had to use them and I should have. Starting on Friday - or maybe Saturday."

"So four or five days late..." He pauses, considering this, lets out a slow breath. "Okay. Have you ever been late before?"

I shake my head. Oh here we go… "That's not all. So Kate had a test - you know, for emergencies - um…" I blush. Sorry Kate! "Anyway, so I went and got it… and took it."

His breath catches and he looks down. "Oh…"

"And it was, you know, pretty unmistakable. Very clearly… positive."

"Oh Ana… baby…" He pauses. "I'm ashamed of myself, and scared out of my mind. For you… for me…. But mostly I'm relieved that you're not breaking up with me." And he gives me a slow, small smile. "Now, enough. Let me just let this sink in for a minute. And you need to eat."

I let out my own long breath and realize - now that the giant knot in my stomach has suddenly disappeared - that I'm starving. I grin for the first time in what feels like forever and dig into my burrito. And it's delicious.

After we've finished, he suggests that we take a walk down the waterfront. Once we get away from the crowd by the food trucks, it's pretty quiet. There's a small park with a bench, so we sit and look out at the water. There are lots of boats out tonight, even though it's a weeknight.

We just sit quietly for a few minutes, both wrapped up in our own thoughts.

Finally he speaks. "So, after Chelsea…".

Oh no. I take a deep breath and sit quietly, waiting. He's going to talk about it. About _her_.

"…after Chelsea, I told myself I couldn't go through that again."

Go through what? Her dying? Jeez, I'm pregnant, not sick. Not sick like Chelsea.

"We met the first week of our freshman year of college. And right away, it was the real deal. We were together all through college, and we got married a month after graduation. We were twenty-two, so confident and full of ourselves… so in love. Of course I knew going into it that she was a serious diabetic and that kids were not a good idea. After a year, she started asking - pleading - to have children. And it was having the girls that did it. That took her away from me. She just had to have them, had to be a mother. And I went along with it. Twice. And it killed her."

What? I thought she was a diabetic, that she went into a coma! This is news to me.

"I… I thought she died from the diabetes… you said when Ellie was a baby."

"She died the day after Ellie was born."

Oh. "Oh Christian." Oh no. This is not good.

"And after Chelsea… I told myself that if I met someone, I would make sure it was someone who didn't want children. Someone who was willing to maintain separate lives."

And then he met me.

"And then I met you. And my plan just went right out the window. And all I could think was - how am I going to ask this twenty-one-year-old - this sweet, smart, beautiful young woman - not to have children of her own… because I'm too much of a coward to face that again."

He falls silent and looks up at me, fear in his eyes and in the lines of his face. Worry lines, lines from grief.

"So she died from having Ellie? It was too much for her? I don't… I mean, that's not going to happen again. I'm fine… I'm not her."

He sighs. "I know. I know you're not." He pauses and starts again. He's going to tell me the rest of the story. "It wasn't just from Ellie, and I don't want Ellie to ever think that. Like I said, she was a very serious diabetic and we were warned that she shouldn't try. But she had to, and so we did, and she got pregnant right away Marissa. And it was difficult for her. In the end, they couldn't stabilize her sugars and she was going into shock. They delivered Marissa at 36 weeks by emergency c-section. And afterwards, she was okay. She recovered and we were blissfully happy for two years.

And then we thought - hey, we can do that again. So she got pregnant with Ellie. And it was even harder, and the problems set in even sooner - much sooner. They encouraged us to terminate at 18 weeks, not to find out the gender, just to move on and enjoy our only child. But she refused, we found out it was another girl and of course we were in love with her, with our new daughter. She went on bedrest and made it to 30 weeks, then again her sugars wouldn't stabilize. Only this time, she also went into pre-eclampsia. So Ellie was delivered - again by emergency c-section. And this time they were both sick and struggling. Ellie stabilized, but Chelsea didn't. She never even held her. She slipped into a coma and by morning, her body just gave out. And she was gone. She was twenty-seven."

He falls silent. And I realize we are both crying. Oh, Christian. This time, I pull him into _my_ arms and we sit. Finally we pull apart, stand up, and walk back to the car.

When we get to his house, it's only 8:15 but we are both spent. He doesn't even turn on the lights in the main living area. He just takes my hand and leads me through the dark house, down the stairs to his bedroom. We take turns in the bathroom, and he comes out already changed into his pajama bottoms, bare-chested and beautiful, holding his t-shirt. But I can't even appreciate it - okay, well maybe a tiny part of me appreciates it… He walks over to me and says softly, "You're shattered, aren't you." I can only nod. He unbuttons my shirt and slides it off. Then my shorts. "Lift your arms." He pulls my tank top off, unhooks my bra, and drops them both on the floor. I am down to just my panties. He slides his t-shirt over me, and I am ready for bed. We get into bed, and he spoons me. For once, we are only seeking comfort - and not anything else. We just lie quietly and soon I slip effortlessly, thankfully, into sleep.

I wake to a nudge to my backside. Oh my. It's still dark. Without moving a muscle, I manage to glance at the bedside clock. 5:42. And the nudge comes again, this time more insistent. Jeez, is he even awake? Well, now I can't sleep and I am too warm. He is wrapped around me like a heavy, hot, Christian-shaped blanket. His left arm is under my neck, his right arm is wrapped around my breasts, and his legs are intertwined with mine. I try to lie quietly, but after a few minutes, there's the nudge again. Desire pools deep in my belly and I automatically flex my hips and push back against him. Suddenly, he unwraps himself and flips on top of me, pinning me into the mattress. He's grinning and I giggle. "Um, I didn't think you were even awake."

He grins and pushes - hard - against me. _There_. And I gasp. Oh my… wake up sex. This is new. He reaches down, shoves my panties aside, and slips a finger inside me. "Oh baby, you're awake too. And so ready." He circles his finger and his hips at the same time and I start to pant and push back against him. He grasps my panties and pulls them quickly down and off. Then he does the same with his pants. "Sit up. Put your arms up." He yanks his t-shirt off me and lays me back down - naked, ready. He grins again. "No condom needed… and this time I won't feel guilty about it."

...

He rolls over and we lie there, coming back down to earth and letting our breathing return to normal. Finally he says, "And how was your morning wake-up call?"

I giggle again – jeez, it feels good after the last two days of stress - and stretch. "Good, but messy." He grins again and goes to get me a towel. After a quick wipe down, we snuggle back under the covers. Gross - there's a wet spot, but I try to ignore it - and I drift back into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

 _Christian_

 _Ana drifts right back to sleep after her morning wake-up call…_ Ana _. All tucked in beside me, sleeping the sound sleep of an innocent. She's on her side, facing me, with her dark hair splayed across the pillow. One hand is tucked under her cheek while the other is partially open, palm up, reaching toward me._

 _Well, she's not so innocent anymore. She's pregnant. Pregnant! She was a virgin three weeks ago and now I've knocked her up. Good going, Grey._

 _I told myself this would never happen again. That I would never fall for another woman like I did with Chelsea. Especially one who is this young, smart, sweet, and, oh yes… sexy. And now look what I've done. It's like my darkest nightmare and my brightest dream rolled into one. The nightmare is that she'll get hurt, that I could lose her, because of my mistakes. And the dream? That I can finally merge the two halves of my life into one._

 _I was ready to take her to Escala, to lay out my rules. Tell her the way it needed to be. But then she tells me she's pregnant. And she's got me spinning. Again._

 _I have to figure this out, and quick. I slip out of bed and send an email to Ros – my second in command – and tell her that I'm taking the morning off. And I need some advice. I need to talk to my mom._

Ana

When I wake again, it's light out, but it's soft and I can tell the weather has turned back into rain. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. I stretch and - like yesterday - reality washes over me, but this time it's not such a shock. Pregnant. I'm pregnant, but Christian knows. And we have both survived the news.

I glance at the clock - 7:35. Yikes, 7:35! - we should be out the door by now! I don't have class today - we are supposed to be using this time to finish our final projects and study for finals. But he's going to be late. Why didn't he wake me?

I use the bathroom quickly, slip on a pair of his boxer briefs - yes! - steal his robe from behind the bathroom door, and head upstairs. I smell food - eggs? And coffee. Christian is seated at the breakfast bar, with sexy, messy hair, in a t-shirt and the same pajama pants as last night. He looks relaxed, reading something on his phone with his half-finished breakfast in front of him.

I clear my throat and he looks up. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?" And he smirks at me.

"Good morning. Um, what are you doing? Isn't it Thursday?"

"Yes, last I checked." He grins. "Relax… I decided to take the morning off. I think we both deserve it. Breakfast?"

Oh! Well in that case…

He serves me up some breakfast and I sit and tuck into my eggs, toast, and coffee. It all tastes heavenly.

"Wait, can I have coffee? Isn't there some rule about avoiding caffeine?"

"I think a cup a day is okay. And if not, I think we can let it slide for now." He pauses. "Do you know much about it? Being pregnant, I mean. I know you're an only child, and I'm guessing none of your friends…"

I swallow. "No, not really. I mean, of course I know some things from movies and TV. And Kate's – I mean, our - older sister had a baby last year, and I was around her some. And of course there were those couple of girls in high school… but I didn't hang out around them. You know, the girls who got themselves knocked up." I smirk. Two can play at this game.

He smiles. "Okay, so pregnancy basics…" He picks up his phone and opens the calendar. "So you got your last period… when?"

I blush.

"Seriously, Ana? NOW you're going to be shy about it?"

"Okay, okay… let me see the calendar… Um, Friday, April 6th."

He counts out the days. "And we met and… you know… on April 21st, day 15… yep, that would do it."

"What would do it?"

"Well your most fertile days - when you ovulate - are right around two weeks after the start of your period. Something to consider when you're relying on things like - you know, um, pull-out - for birth control."

Oh. I blush again - jeez!

"Relax… of course you didn't realize… but I should have known better than to risk it. Anyway… okay… so tomorrow you will be five weeks along."

Five weeks! What?! "No, three… right?"

"No, you count from the first day of your last period. The first two weeks are like a bonus."

"Bonus! This is not a bonus. I need more time… until - you know - not less!" Ugh, this is not good.

He laughs and then he's serious again. "Okay, so you should think about making an appointment to get checked out. Do you have a doctor? Insurance?"

Oh gosh. "No, not really… I mean, I guess I can go to the university clinic until I graduate. After that, um… I don't know." I look down at my hands. "I mean, I was hoping to get a job - a real job - right away."

"Okay, Ana… relax." He says. "We'll work it out. I'm just trying to think it through, figure out the options."

We finish breakfast, and I clean up the dishes while he showers. Then I shower and I am wrapped in one of his big, fluffy towels while I comb out my hair. Christian knocks on the door and then walks in. Hello… jeez, come on in. But really, what do I still have to hide?

"How do you feel about having a midwife at a private prenatal clinic?"

Um, I don't know how I feel about this. "Um, sure? I have no idea. Why, what do you think about it?"

"Well it's less complicated and - frankly - a whole lot less expensive than a doctor at a hospital. I mean, like I could just pay for it."

Oh. "You don't have to do that - I mean - I'm sure I can… well, I'm not sure, but probably…"

"Ana, it's fine… Believe me, I can afford it and I'm happy to. I just thought of the idea and made a call, and it's pretty simple. I mean, for a normal pregnancy, a midwife is a nice idea. Chelsea would have loved it, but of course… she…. sorry. Anyway, we can get you an appointment - just to, you know…"

"I know. Yes, that's fine. Thank you."

I leave my hair wet, twist it up quickly, and get dressed. I head upstairs and he's waiting in the living room. He hands me his phone with the number already brought up - _Ravenswood Prenatal Clinic and Birthing Center_ \- Oh my. And there goes the lump - right back into my belly again. I have to call and make an appointment - a prenatal appointment! This is not happening. Christian raises his eyebrows at me. "Breathe, Ana."

Before I can think any more about it, I push 'call' and a warm, female voice comes on the line. "Ravenswood… Mr. Grey again?"

"Uh…no this is his… this is Ana Steele - the um, patient?" Ugh, what the hell?

"Oh wonderful! I'm so glad you called. I'm Megan - one of the midwives here - and we can set up an initial appointment for you. Mr. Grey said you're five weeks now? From April 6th?"

"Um, yes." I am not going to elaborate. I will just play along like I am the one who knows what's going on...

"Great! Well, around seven weeks is just about right for a first appointment with us. We'll talk, give you an exam, get blood work done, and do a first ultrasound. We should be able to see the heartbeat by then, so that's always a special day."

Oh my… this is too much. I need to sit down, so I do. Luckily, the couch is right behind me. I sink back into the cushions and close my eyes. Breathe, Ana...

She cheerily collects all of my pertinent information - we've already discussed my period, so this part is easy - full name, address, phone number, date of birth… yes, I am only twenty-one. Ugh, this is so embarrassing! I am sure she can tell that "Mr. Grey" is much older. She moves on down the list, chipper as ever. If she's doing any judging, she's hiding it well.

"Okay so is any day of the week best for you?"

"Um, Wednesdays at the end of the day or Thursdays first thing?" I open my eyes and look up at Christian and he nods. He's smirking again, amused by all of this. Damn him!

"Oh good! Well Wednesdays and Thursdays are my days in the clinic, so let's put you in for two weeks from today on May 24th? 9 AM?"

Fabulous. That's two days before my college graduation. It will be a big week for me. Again.

"Yes, fine. Thank you." Okay, I am so ready to be done with this phone call. Thankfully, that's it. We say our goodbyes and I hang up, sinking blissfully back into the cushions again.

I feel Christian slide in beside me. "Everything okay? You seem a little..."

Freaked out? Yes, I am freaked out. "She said we should be able to see the… heartbeat. And I just… I can't…" I falter.

"Come on, you're done for the day… I promise. Let's leave it for now and enjoy the rest of my morning off. I think the sun's coming out again."

Oh hooray! We finish getting ready quickly and take the convertible - again! - I am loving this nice weather. We take a drive out I-90 to North Bend and eat at a little cafe in the trees. There's a short trail to a nearby lake, so we take it and just enjoy ourselves. We talk about anything and everything - except for the tiny, but definite, elephant in the room. He promised!

At 12:30, he drops me off at my apartment, kissing me sweetly before heading to work. Oh, if it could always be this simple! I am digging for my keys when I feel my phone in my bag. _Shit_ , Kate! I go in quickly and pull out my phone. Yep, there are FOUR texts from her. Yikes.

 _ **8:33 PM yesterday:**_

 _ **So? Did you tell him?**_

 _ **10:02 PM yesterday:**_

 _ **Ana!**_

 _ **Well you are spending the night with him.**_

 _ **Or you are in a ditch somewhere.**_

 _ **I am giving you the benefit of the doubt here.**_

 _ **7:48 AM:**_

 _ **Headed to work. Hope UR OK.**_

 _ **10:15 AM:**_

 _ **WTF, Ana. Text me back or I will hunt him down.**_

 **...**

 **12:34 PM:**

 **Sorry, Kate! I was overtaken by events.**

 **I am fine. Yes, I told him.**

 **All is good. I am home.**

 **Details tonight. Promise!**

 **...**

 _ **Oh. thank. god. You are both on my shit list.**_

 _ **See you at 5-ish.**_

 _ **I say pizza and girls night in.**_

 _ **No wine for you, tho.**_

 _ **Ha.**_

 _ **X**_

 **...**

 **Sounds wonderful.**

 **I will not even pout about the wine.**

 **Thanks.**

 **See you then.**

 **X**

I check for more messages - none. I check my email - nothing important. Good. I have checked in with the real world and I am not needed. But I have to stay on top of these thing. Finals are looming next week and I need to find a job. No more two-day freak outs. I am suddenly exhausted. Again. I change into my sweats, grab my study materials, claim my spot on the couch, and settle in to wait for Kate.

The next thing I know, I wake to the sound of her keys in the door. Wow, I have slept the afternoon away. So much for studying...

"Hello!" She walks in, eyes me suspiciously, sees I am in a much better state than last time, and grins her mega-watt Kate smile. "Oh yay, my Ana is back!" And she gives me a big hug before skipping off to order pizza.

We sit, cross-legged at the coffee table in our usual spots, eating pizza straight out the box. Kate has her glass of cheap red wine and I have my - sigh - glass of ice water.

"Okay," she says. "Spill it, Ana. How did it go?"

I laugh and give her the blow-by-blow, every last detail - well, except for the wake-up sex part. She deserves it. She was such an amazing friend on one of the hardest nights of my life, and then I totally blew her off. Again.

By the end of the story, we're both laughing hysterically and it feels so good.

Too soon, she heads off to bed. I am, of course, not tired - thanks to my long nap. I pick up my phone and text Christian. His girls should be in bed by now. His girls. Oh gosh, this whole thing between us just got so much more serious.

 **9:35 PM**

 **Hello baby.**

 **Thank you for everything.**

 **Kate and I had a nice girls night in.**

 **Hope you had a good rest-of-your-day.**

 **...**

 _ **Hello yourself.**_

 _ **Glad you had a nice evening with Kate and told her everything.**_

 _ **Well, almost everything ;)**_

 **...**

 **Yes, almost everything.**

 **I am blushing, but you knew that.**

 **...**

 _ **Yes, I did.**_

 _ **I am heading off to bed.**_

 _ **I had a big night last night.**_

 _ **And a very satisfying - but early – morning.**_

 _ **Goodnight, baby. Sleep well.**_

 **...**

 **Yes, me too.**

 **But I had a nap this afternoon :)**

 **Goodnight. Sweet dreams.**

 **X**

...

 **Goodnight XO**


	9. Chapter 9

****Update**

 **Thank you for following and for your reviews! Here is the completed Chapter 9. Also, chapters 1 & 3 have been edited (well, unedited) for content. Enjoy!**

 *** Author's Note:** **It's 5 AM here, and time to start obsessing over what to post today... Chapter Nine has some gaps, so I will work on filling them in today. I am totally new to this world of fan fiction - AND writing - and didn't even know FF existed until after the Freed movie came out. Then a friend mentioned that Fifty Shades was originally fan fiction based on Twilight. What?! So of course I jumped online and thought - Hey, I want to try this! And I wrote... and wrote the vast majority of this story within about a week's time. I wrote mostly in "notes" on my phone. Just scenes here and there as they popped into my head (in the parking lot of the grocery store, while my kids were running amok, in waiting rooms...) I am sure that I looked like the world's most prolific texter. I finally dumped it all into a document and was shocked to have over 130 pages!**

 **Anyway... so I wasn't sure about the "mature content" so I asked around a little and then decided to edit portions of it out. But I kind of hate it... And now that my confidence has grown and I have my own little group of followers (thank you!), I want to ask YOU... Leave it out or put it back in?**

 **Chapter Nine**

On Friday, I wake up with a new focus... finals! They are coming up in three short days and I can't afford to throw away years of hard work. Kate and I set up camp at the dining room table and dig in. The days of finals week pass in a jumble of textbooks, flashcards, and take-out containers. I spend every day trying to cram my head full of facts, and I am exhausted by the end of each day. I can barely manage "goodnight" texts to Christian before passing out. He sends me sweet, encouraging messages and I know that he's thinking of me. I just have to get through the week - he has a work-related engagement on Wednesday evening anyway - and then we'll have a whole weekend together.

This has not exactly been the end of my semester that I imagined - I am usually more on top of things. I don't like to make excuses, but this time maybe - just maybe - I am allowed!

I finally start to hear back from a few applications that I filled out at the Book Expo and I am able to line up three - three! - job interviews for next week. One is for a small-town library in Arlington, which is about an hour north of Seattle. One is for a branch in South Tacoma, which is about a half hour south, and the neighborhood is listed as "revitalizing." Hmm... The third interview is - well, the crown jewel. It's a position for an intern in the children's department at the downtown branch of the Seattle library. And, oh, I really want it...

...

On Thursday afternoon, at precisely 1:52 PM, I finish my last sentence of my last essay and lay my pencil down. For better or for worse, I did it. My academic career is over.

That night, Kate and I celebrate with Thai food and a "Twilight" movie marathon. I fall asleep sometime during the second movie, which is actually good. I really didn't need to watch Bella's pregnancy and violent delivery...

The next thing I know, Kate's shaking me awake. I open my eyes and morning light is streaming in... I slept the whole night on the couch? "Ana!" she says, pulling me up into a sitting position, "Your phone... I answered it... and it's the dean of the English department. She says she needs to talk to you... it's important."

"What? What times is it?" I ask.

"9:15... Here..." She hands me my phone.

The dean's voice is brisk and I can't decipher her tone exactly. But she wants to meet with me in her office at 11:00. I manage to sound awake and agree to meet her then. _Shit, shit, shit._.. and then I hurry into the shower.

...

I am still playing the meeting with the dean over - and over - in my head when Christian comes over at 5:30. Kate has been dropping hints that maybe it's time for him to come over to our place for a change. But I know she really wants to give him the once-over. I guess she's allowed. She's my best friend - practically my sister - and he _did_ knock me up.

Christian is, of course, his gorgeous self in jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. He smells freshly showered and yummy. Kate is, as usual, bubbly and confident - being the perfect hostess while - not too discreetly - sizing him up. I'm wearing a short, cotton sundress that seemed cute, but now I feel kind of rumpled from my long week of studying, unsure of how I look next to these two beautiful humans. Surely Christian and Kate would make a better couple? I feel shy being with him around Kate - I've never been the one to have a guy over before.

We sit around the coffee table and eat pizza straight out of the box. I quickly realize that I have nothing to worry about... for some reason that I have yet to fully understand, Christian only has eyes for me. He's polite to Kate, answers her questions, makes casual conversation. But the whole time, I catch him looking at me... touching me casually whenever he gets the chance - reaching for a piece of pizza or for his beer, moving his arm to prop himself up but skimming his hand down my back along the way. After dinner, we play a few rounds of "Cards Against Humanity" and we are all laughing - more relaxed. I'm looking through my cards when I feel Christian's hand on my knee. And then his fingers start to move up, along the inside of my thigh. I gasp and clench my thighs together, looking up at Christian. His face is impassive, he's listening to one of Kate's theater stories, but he tightens his grip on my thigh.

He leans over and whispers to me, "Take off your panties."

What? No way. We're hidden from view under the coffee table, but still! Kate is like four feet away. But, on the pretense of adjusting my dress, I manage to slide them off. I pass them to Christian who slides them into his pocket. Luckily, Kate is full-tilt into her story by now. And, like the lady I am, I leave my legs parted when I sit back down, allowing his fingers to finish their journey...

Ah! Okay, enough... Kate's story is finished. I stretch dramatically, pulling away from Christian and his probing fingers. "Okay," I say, "I'm ready for bed." I quirk an eyebrow at Christian. "You coming?"

...

We head back to his house on Saturday and spend a lazy weekend together. Eating, sleeping... not sleeping. We're eating lunch on Sunday, when I finally bring up my interviews. I've been putting it off - we're having such a nice weekend - because I suspect that he won't be happy.

"So..." I say brightly, "I found out that I have three interviews this week! I'm so excited..." I look up and gauge his expression.

"Oh?" He says, not giving anything away. "That's great, Ana. Where?"

Hmm... "Oh," I say, glossing quickly over the list, "Arlington tomorrow, South Tacoma on Tuesday..." I pause for effect, "And the one I really want, of course, is downtown... an intern position in the children's department."

Now his mouth is a tight line. Oh here we go. "Ana, isn't Arlington a little far? And South Tacoma? I don't think so..."

"Christian, they're just interviews... and it's good experience for me. I've already agreed to them." I look down, then back up, meeting his eyes.

Oh I can feel it brewing... our first fight. I'm sorry, but I'm an adult - okay, most of the time I don't really feel like an adult - but still... I have to do this and he doesn't own me.

"Fine," he says, but his voice is tight, distant. "Let's get you home, let you rest up and prepare for your interviews."

He drops me off at my apartment, gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek. I promise to text him after I get home from all of my interviews. And, with that, I head inside.

...

The first two interviews are fine - uneventful. The people are friendly and the Tacoma neighborhood actually feels okay, with a funky vibe. I manage to drive myself without getting lost and present my best almost-librarian self. I text Christian after getting home from each one, and he replies immediately - like he's been waiting on my texts - and politely. Oh, polite Christian is not my favorite...

My Seattle interview is at 9 AM on Wednesday. I am up by 7:00, showered and ready by 8:00. Kate's excited for me, bouncing around the kitchen and making us coffee and - her specialty - frozen waffles. She hands me my steaming cup of coffee with cream - COFFEE! I catch a whiff of it and my stomach clenches and I am hit with a wave of nausea... Ugh! Oh I am nervous... I really, _really_ want this job!

I walk into the library, feeling professional in my - well, Kate's - black suit with it's cropped jacket and fitted pencil skirt. I admire the grand Art Deco lobby with it's stained glass and terrazzo flooring and check in at the main desk.

The attendant says, "Oh yes, they're expecting you. The children's department is on the second floor in The Grey Addition."

The _Grey_ Addition? Oh no, I don't have a good feeling about this. My stomach flips again... oh, I am going to... Nope, it passes. I head upstairs and find where I'm going. The addition is a modern wing of the library, and a wide archway leads into it, transitioning from historical to present-day architecture. And there, by the archway, is a bronze plaque. It memorializes Dr. Carrick Grey - a lover of books - and says that the addition is a gift from the Grey Family - Grace, Elliot and Christian. Of course it is. The image on the plaque is of Dr. Grey reading to his two young sons.

Okay... I love that they are contributors to the library, to society - but... I grip my new shoulder bag tightly, take a deep breath and head in.

I am interviewed by a Mrs. Gail Jones, who is a lovely woman in her 50's. She's blonde and stylish, professional but with kind eyes. We warm to each other immediately and I think it goes really well. We have very similar tastes in books and views on library operations. I leave in high spirits and meet Kate for lunch and shopping. We get home at around 4:30 and collapse on the couch. I text Christian to let him know that I'm home, that it went well. He replies back and asks if I have plans this evening. It's Wednesday... I knew that of course, but he hasn't said anything about making plans. I reply back that I don't, but then don't hear from him again. Finally, I go change into my comfiest sweats and Kate and I curl up in front of a movie. Yep, I'm officially moping.

The buzzer sounds and Kate goes to answer it. It's Christian... of course it is! "Come on up," Kate chirps.

Kate! No... I am in my sweats - the ones with a hole in the cuff, clearly moping, my hair... Oh, here he is. He walks in, looking crisp and perfect in a gray suit and tie. Kate gives him a cool look and heads off to her room. I haven't moved. I just eye him over the back of the couch. He comes over, seeming too large - almost predatory - in our living room. He sits next to me, lets out a sigh.

"I know you're upset with me," he begins. "And I know I was being overprotective, but I just want you - need you - both to be safe."

"I know," I whisper, looking down, "I know you do. And I _was_ safe... You have to trust me."

"Okay then," he says, reaching out to lift my chin, make me meet his eyes. "I don't want to fight. Especially not with your appointment coming up tomorrow." Then he leans in and kisses me softly, then deepens it, and I feel his other hand move to rest on my belly.

Oh... desire pools deep within me and I am melting...

"Let's make up." He says, "I know just the trick..."

Ooh, make-up sex. Yes, please!

...

On Thursday morning, we pull into the Ravenswood Clinic and park. And the now-familiar lump in my stomach is back. Christian reaches over and takes my hands, examines my wrists. I blush. At least the marks from his tie have faded. Last night was... Wow. Maybe we should fight more often.

"Come on… Breathe, Ana. This is supposed to be a pleasant appointment."

I frown at him. "Is she examining YOUR parts and taking YOUR blood?"

We get out and he takes my hand as we walk in. His hand is warm and strong, reassuring. Mine is icy cold - I am sure of it.

The midwife, Megan, greets us as at the door. "Good morning! Ana… and…"

"Please, call me Christian."

"Wonderful! Well, welcome…"

We are given a tour of the clinic, and I am asked a combination of personal and not-so-personal questions.

Do I have a birth plan? Um, no… but I'll get back to you on that.

How am I feeling? I am still freaked out, thank you. Ok, to be honest, maybe a little nauseous. I thought maybe it was just nerves, but maybe it's the… you know.

Finally, she is done with the questions. Good. Oh, now the needle. Let's go back to the questions. Suck it up, Ana! If you can't handle this, how are you going to actually give birth? Oh God. I take a deep breath, shut my eyes, and hold out my arm.

Now, the ultrasound. This shouldn't be too bad. It always looks so sweet in the movies. Moms and dads smiling at the screen… We head back into the small exam room with all the fancy machines.

"Okay, Ana. Go ahead & slip off your jeans and panties and get on the table. You can cover yourself with the blanket." She leaves the room and I whip around and glare at Christian. He has the good grace not to smirk. "Trans-vaginal ultrasound. Um, I wasn't sure if I should tell you ahead of time… they do them - that way - when it's this early."

"What?" I hiss, but I am already doing what she said. God knows I don't want her coming back in here while I'm undressing. "Turn around, please."

He obliges. "Should I have told you?"

I sigh as I climb up on the table and cover up. "No, probably not."

Megan comes back in and does a quick pelvic exam. At least this is not totally foreign to me, and she does seem to know her way around in there. Then she picks up a long wand. It's covered in its own special condom. I would be amused if I wasn't so terrified by the size of the thing. She sees my face and says, "Don't worry, it doesn't go all the way in. Just take a deep breath and hold it."

I feel her slide the wand inside me and then she tells me to let out the breath and relax. Relax! I do the best I can and feel Christian grab my hand. "Steady, baby. Just breathe," he whispers. I feel her move the wand around and it's weird, but not really uncomfortable. Suddenly, I'm nervous again. What if it's not even there? What if there's no heartbeat? I mean, the only evidence I have are two pink lines! Those two lines seemed so significant, but now they don't seem like anything.

"There we are!" Megan says suddenly. I look up and there it is. In the middle of a bunch of white fuzz there's a dark oval. And inside the oval is a - baby. Or at least I think it is. I look up at Christian and he's smiling, so it must look okay to him. I look back at the screen and Megan is busily working away, making measurements I think. "Yes! Just perfect for seven weeks. See? Here's the head and torso, and here" - she points to a little blinking dot inside the torso - "that's the heartbeat!"

Whoa. It's just blinking away. So fast. And that's it… I start to cry. But they're relieved, happy tears. I look back up at Christian and he has them too. Megan finishes up, prints us off some photos, and leaves the room again. I hop down and get dressed quickly. We go out, make another appointment for 4 weeks from now, and we are done. I did it. My first prenatal appointment is in the books. In the car, Christian squeezes my hand and holds it tight. We are on our way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

 _Christian_

 _Ana's graduating from the University of Washington tomorrow and, after I told her that I really wanted to be there, she managed to get me a last-minute ticket. So, I am driving the girls out to my mom's house to stay overnight. I glance at them in the rearview mirror. Marissa, who is usually quiet and serious, has her freckled nose in a book. Ellie, my ray of sunshine, has her earphones on and is bopping along to something on her iPad. She looks up and catches me peeking, her hazel eyes – just like Chelsea's – meeting mine. She flashes me a grin and my heart swells._

 _It's easy to get caught up in the craziness that is our everyday life, and sometimes I just have to pause and soak them in. They're not babies anymore - they're growing up so fast. Oh Chelsea, you should be here to see them… And now I'm having another baby – with Ana. Seeing it on the ultrasound yesterday was… amazing. Ana's amazing. Oh, I am falling for her – falling for the life we could build together. But it's sure going to throw us all for a loop._

 _When I called to ask my mom if she could take Marissa and Ellie, she was thrilled to have the extra "girl time" with them. After my dad passed away, she moved to a condo downtown. But where she really loves to be is at our shared vacation home in Aspen. She often goes there in between her turns with the girls. I also asked her if we could talk after the girls go to bed. My mom is the person that I can always turn to for support and guidance. When she first found out about my relationship with Elena… Well, it was a horrible time for our family. She also knows that I've been back into that lifestyle. She doesn't care to know the details, but I know she doesn't like it._

 _We arrive at my mom's condo and the girls make themselves right at home. We eat dinner on her little patio and then the girls go inside to watch a movie before bed. I sit back and run my hands through my hair._

" _Uh oh," she says. "What's wrong?"_

 _I smirk. Oh, she knows me too well. "Well… I met someone."_

" _Oh?" Now I have her attention. I wouldn't be telling her if it was a submissive. "Well, this is a surprise."_

" _Yeah, it was for me too. I actually met her at a party and we've been seeing each other since." I say, "And mom, I think you're going to like her."_

" _Oh Christian, you're serious? And she's not a… you know..."_

" _Nope, she definitely is not. She has a mind of her own. And I haven't felt this way about anyone… since Chelsea."_

" _Oh my… and does she work in your building?"_

" _No, not exactly. She's, um, still a student? She's graduating tomorrow from UW, actually. That's why I asked you to watch the girls."_

" _I see, And how old is she exactly?"_

" _She's twenty-one… almost twenty-two."_

" _Ah," she says. She's watching me, waiting for me to continue. I'm rubbing my hands together – I always do that when I'm nervous, when I'm holding something back. "What is it, Christian?"_

" _And she's pregnant."_

" _Oh Christian..." She's quiet for several seconds, absorbing the news. "And when did you meet?"_

" _Um, April." I say,_

" _I see. And when is she due?"_

" _January." I admit._

" _I see. And…"_

" _And… We're adjusting, but we're happy. I want her to meet the girls. I want us to be a family. I want my life to be… whole again. She's amazing – smart, kind, beautiful. And I'm falling for her. And if anything happens to her..." I stop. I can't go there._

" _I know." She says, and she reaches out and grasps my hand. She knows._

Ana

Kate and I clink together our champagne glasses of orange juice. It's graduation day! We're starting the celebration off early with breakfast in our apartment. We don't have to leave for the ceremony until 10:30, so we treat ourselves to pancakes and bacon with a "champagne" toast. I'm nervous, but excited... mostly excited. I think.

Kate dishes up our food, and we dig in. Mmm... the pancakes are light and fluffy, dripping with maple syrup. I take a big bite of bacon, and feel the gristle squish between my teeth... oh no. No, no, no... I spit out the bacon, slap my hand over my mouth, and run to the bathroom. I hate throwing up... hate it! But I do it anyway... over and over again into the toilet until there's nothing but dry heaves.

"Ana?" I hear Kate from outside the bathroom. She's shut the door most of the way. She can't handle vomit, but she's good at emotional support. "Oh no, are you okay?"

Why do people always ask that when you're puking?! No, actually... not at the moment!

"I'm okay..." Ummm... maybe. I think it's over. I flush the toilet and stand up. Oh I am all sweaty... I splash my face and neck with cool water, then rinse out my mouth. Oh no… I rush back to the toilet, but nothing comes up.

"Ana?" Kate is talking through the opening in the door. "How's it going in there? Um... it's 10:15. Christian's here."

Crap! Oh no, this is not happening. "Don't let him come in here!" But it's too late. I hear him come in, then there are cool hands on my neck, pulling back my hair.

"Oh baby... Kate said you were fine and then..."

"Mmmm... I was just getting nervous, and then the bacon..." Stop! Don't think about it! I shake my head. "I think I'm done..." Christian grips my shoulders as I stand up.

Okay. I step to the sink again and splash my face, rinse my mouth. I stand back up, our eyes meeting in the mirror.

"Why are you nervous?" He asks.

"Um, I'm..." Crap. "I have to give a speech."

"A speech?"

"A, um... you know, a valedictory speech?" I blush. "Surprise!"

His eyes widen. "Ana... that's amazing! Congratulations! Um, when were you planning to mention it?"

Ugh... I don't know! In the car? Not at all?

"I don't know... I just found out for sure on Friday. The dean called me in... and I had to work on my speech... mmmm..." Oh no, not again... I shut my eyes and the wave of nausea passes. I am sweaty and shaky again, but okay. Christian holds me close, one arm across my chest.

"Ana!" It's Kate's voice through the door again. "Ten minute warning... maybe fifteen? And we've got to GO!"

 _Shit_. I look at myself in the mirror... oh, I am a mess. Luckily Kate and I have already showered, and my hair is dry. Okay. I turn and leave the bathroom and Kate pulls me into her room. She peels off my robe, t-shirt and shorts. Then she slips the borrowed dress we have agreed on over my head. It's a gray chiffon halter dress - sheer over satin. It comes to just above my knees and it fits perfectly. Kate's a little curvier than me, but otherwise we are the same size. "Step in," she says. She slips sparkly silver sandals on my feet. "Ana, I wish you'd agree to the heels... they would be so... with this dress."

I shake my head. NO. No heels. Not today... and especially not now. I will be unsteady enough on my own. I glance up and Christian is in her doorway, leaning against the frame. He looks amused... Ugh!

Kate pulls me into her bathroom and gives me the ten-minute, Kate Kavanagh makeover. We agree that my hair needs to be up and off my neck, so she twists it into al ow bun, securing it with a million bobby pins and a can of hairspray. I cough. This is torture, but sometimes Kate's theater experience comes in handy. She quickly dusts me with foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow. She applies eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. I am done. Ana turned Princess Barbie... I open my eyes. Oh, I look... like me... but better. Big eyes, glowing skin, no more pallor or eye circles. Sometimes Kate is amazing.

"Oh Kate..." I gush and hug her.

"Ana! I know. Just go brush your teeth. Quickly. And don't mess up..." but I am gone, back to my bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth, being careful of my face.

Done. "Time check?"

"10:35!" Kate calls back. "We're good. Let's go!" We meet back in the living room. Somehow... when? Kate has also managed to put herself together. Full make-up, hair loose and flowing, low-cut, tight magenta dress. She grabs my shoulders. "Okay? You've got this."

Oh no... don't. Don't make me cry. I nod and turn to grab my purse.

"Let's go, Grey!" Kate bosses, "Grab our robes... in those garment bags." Christian does as ordered and we are out the door and into his SUV.

Christian makes quick work of the drive to the UW Huskies Auditorium. "Just pull up and let Ana out and then we can go park. 10:57, Ana! We made it." says Kate.

We all jump out, Christian grabbing my garment bag. Kate helps me into my gown, arranging my valedictorian sash and honor cords, and hands me my cap. "Our little scholar, ready to go," chirps Kate. I roll my eyes and we all laugh.

Christian looks amused, as usual - but proud too - and he gives me a quick peck on the cheek before shooing me inside, "Go get 'em, baby!"

Inside, I meet with about a dozen different people... getting instructions and running through a quick rehearsal. Ugh, why can't I just be a normal graduate? I could be bored in my seat like everyone else. Luckily, my stomach hangs in there and I'm able to sip down a bottle of water.

Soon, they are calling us and we proceed onto the stage... President, Vice-President, Chancellor, distinguished professors… and finally, "The 2018 valedictorian – Anastasia Rose Steele." I smile to myself. I wasn't given a middle name at birth, so I chose my own when I turned eighteen - after one of my favorite heroines.

The lights are bright, but I manage to make it to my seat without incident. It's hard to see the crowd, but I start to scan it, looking for Christian, Kate, and our family. I know Kate is with the K's – about in the middle. So I look for her first and spot her. She beams back at me. Then she points to the upper tier of the stadium to my right, about a third of the way up. I scan the area and there he is - all gorgeous and mine. Wait... he's sitting with the Kavanaghs - how did that happen? - and they're all chatting. Christian, Dad, Mom, Liz - whose husband is probably home with the baby - and our little brother, Ethan... what are they chatting about? Me? I sigh and roll my eyes. I keep staring at Christian until he looks up, locking eyes with me - still looking proud - and he gives me an "Okay?" gesture. I give him a thumbs up and smile before returning my attention to the task at hand. Here we go...

The ceremony begins, winding its way through the typical academic hubbub... and finally it's my turn. I step to the lectern and - surprising myself - deliver a fairly eloquent speech about overcoming obstacles to find success. It's an overused topic, I'm sure, but it's the story of my life.

When it's finally over, I return to my seat. Now I can relax... and they begin to call the graduates. I don't have a part in this, so I sit quietly - glancing up at Christian every few minutes. Sometimes, he's looking right at me. Others, he's leaning forward, conversing quietly with the Kavanaghs.

After the last of the graduateshas crossed the stage, we stand up and exit into the marquee. Attached to it is a huge tent, and tables are set up for families to gather for photos and drinks. People are pouring in, and I'm wondering how on earth I am going to find anyone - I don't even have my phone! - when I feel a hand at the small of my back.

"Hello, baby... over here." Oh thank goodness. Christian leads me to a table in the far corner where Kate and the rest of the Kavanaghs are gathered. Oh boy... more worlds are colliding today.

"Ana!" gushes Mom, coming to give me a big hug. "Oh congratulations! We're so proud of you... of both of our girls... and she grabs Kate with the other arm." I am passed around to all the Kavanaghs... it's great to see everyone.

When it's Liz's turn, she hisses into my ear, "We met your boyfriend... We couldn't believe it... and - wow - he's a hottie!" We giggle. Liz was at college when I met Kate. We haven't spent too much time together, but we've always gotten along well. Like all the Kavanaghs, she exudes warmth and enthusiasm.

I'm blushing, embarrassed at all the attention. Unlike Liz and Kate, I have never brought a guy home, never gushed about a new love or cried over a broken heart. This is new but, if I can get past the embarrassment, kind of nice. Christian comes up at wraps his arm around me, pulling me close. We take the obligatory photos, and Kate and I are finally permitted to take off our stifling robes and caps. Then we all take a seat and everyone's chatting. Phew! The attention's finally off of me alone. The waiter comes, bringing cheap champagne all around. I toast with everyone else, then take a tiny sip. It's warm and sweet... yuck. I ask the waiter if I could please have an ice water, and he bustles off.

They're all looking at me again... Crap! "Um," Kate says, "Ana wasn't feeling too great this morning – nerves, you know..."

"But I'm okay now... it's just warm in here." I say. Oh, I am going to have to tell these people that I'm knocked up - their scholarly foster daughter that they helped to have a better life. Unless they know already? Surely not... I look at Kate and she smiles reassuringly. Yes, I will have to tell them... but not today.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

That night, Christian takes me out to dinner to celebrate my graduation. We eat at one of the nicer restaurants on the waterfront and the food is fresh and delicious. And I'm ravenous after skipping both breakfast and lunch. When I'm finally full, I sit back and just take in the view. The water, the mountains, the sunset... this gorgeous man sitting across from me. Watching me. Again.

"What?" I ask.

"I like watching you eat," he says. "When you're nervous or stressed, you don't eat. So when you do, I know you're happy."

Oh... hmm, I guess that's true. "Well, you never seem to have a problem eating. Does that mean you're happy too?"

He smirks. "Very. And... I'm a man. I'm always ready for two things. Food and..."

And we laugh. I look up and his eyes go from amused to smoldering. Oh here we go...

I'm brushing my teeth when he comes up behind me, grasping my hips. And he still has that look in his eyes. I spit and rinse and then look at him in the mirror. "Not so fast. Tonight we are having pillow talk."

"Pillow talk?"

"Yes, pillow talk. We tend to... you know... first and then talk later."

He starts to protest and then stops. He really can't argue this, can he? I do have a point.

"So brush your teeth and come to bed," I say, and leave him to it.

I put on one of his t-shirts and clean panties and climb into bed. He joins me a few minutes later, wearing just boxer briefs. Oh, well this is a little distracting... No. I tug up the sheet between us. We are face-to-face, but not touching.

"So," I begin. "The interviews..." I am still not done with this.

"Anna," he says, "I told you I was sorry about that... I already..."

"I know. I'm talking about the fact that your family funded the new wing at the library. Where I went to interview and could be working. You didn't think to mention it?"

"I don't want to interfere in your career... I know it's important for you to be independent."

I sigh. "Okay. So if I get this job - and I really hope I do - I'm not going to tell anyone about us... not right away. I mean, I'm just starting out… and you guys have a library wing. I need to establish myself...be my own person."

"Absolutely. Now, can I say something?"

I eye him suspiciously, "Fine, go ahead."

"I love you."

Oh Christian... I just look at him and he looks so exposed - vulnerable - and my heart flips. Yes, I love him too. It's happened so fast and these last few weeks have been such a crazy ride. But yes... "I love you too, Christian. I've fallen for you."

He leans in and kisses me softly. "I love your smart mouth." And then he trails kisses down my neck to my chest. "And your kind heart." He moves to my breasts, kissing each nipple. "And I really love these," He says, cupping them in his hands.

Ah! I wince and pull back. Mmmm...

"Tender?" He asks. And I nod. "Your body's changing... I like it." He leaves my breasts and continues on down, skimming my belly with his hand. "And I love our little... What is it this week?"

I grin. "A blueberry."

"I love our little blueberry." And he leans in to kiss it, then pulls back. "And I want you to meet my girls. I want us to be a family."

Oh! Oh boy. I mean, I knew this was coming… eventually.

"Tomorrow?" He asks.

My belly tightens and I'm suddenly nervous, but I agree. "Yes, tomorrow."

He smiles. "Good. Now are we done talking?"

"Yes," I say. And before I can even finish the word, he's pulling my t-shirt off and our bodies are doing all the talking...

...

The next morning, Christian takes me home before he goes to pick up the girls. He suggested that his mom could just drop them off, but... NO. I am not going to be at his house - in the morning - when his mom drops off his girls. No thank you. I have agreed to come over later in the day. It's supposed to be nice, so we're going to go down to the beach and then grill out.

I arrive at 4:00 and ring the doorbell and Christian answers, his younger daughter - Ellie - peeking out from behind his legs. Hmmm... daddy Christian...

"Hello Ana," he says, "Please come in." I do, and he introduces us.

"Ana, this is Ellie... Ellie this is Ana, my - um - new friend I've been wanting you to meet."

Ellie looks up at me, her hazel eyes considering me. "She looks like Rachel."

Christian chuckles and looks a little... embarrassed? I can't tell.

"Um, who's Rachel?"

"She's our... um... teenaged babysitter. You do kind of look alike."

Oh! Hmmm... Nope, I am definitely not the babysitter...

I laugh and then say hello to Ellie and shake her hand. It's warm and a little sticky. Christian asks her to go find Marissa. She gives me a grin and trots off, yelling for sister. We move through the kitchen into the living area and Marissa appears, coming shyly into the room, glancing quickly at me and then looking down. She has a paperback in her hand - _Stuart Little_.

"Hello Marissa," I say, "Hey… _Stuart Little_. That's one of my favorite books."

She looks up at me in surprise. "It is?"

"Yep. I love books too. In fact, I have a new job - in the children's department - at the library."

Her face lights up. "Really? I love the library..."

"Well maybe you can come visit me there? Get a behind-the-scenes tour?"

She nods vigorously. Yes! The ice is broken. I look up at Christian and his jaw has dropped. He looks back at me and a slow grin spreads across his face. "Marissa," he says. "Go get changed for the beach. Help your sister."

When she's gone, he pulls me in close. "Congratulations, baby! This is news to me. When did you..."

"When I got home, I found an email from yesterday. They said that they'd love to have me... that I'm supposed to call tomorrow and set up a formal meeting..." I pull back and shrug. "I told you books were my thing. What I didn't know is that they're also your daughter's!" We laugh, and suddenly I feel a whole lot lighter. Maybe things are falling into place...

We spend a lazy afternoon on the beach - collecting shells and rocks, walking along the water. Christian and Ellie build a sand castle while Marissa and I read our books.

The light changes and I look up. The sky has darkened and then it suddenly opens up, drenching us. We run shrieking to the house - dumping our stuff inside the door and laughing. Oh, we are soaked... dripping on the floor. And I don't have a change of clothes.

Half an hour later, we are all dry and changed. I am wearing one of Christian's t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants with the waistband rolled over. The rain has stopped, so Christian heads out to start the grill. He comes back in with the propane cannister. "Sorry... I guess it's out. Do you mind if I run out to exchange it?" He looks from me to the girls, who are perched at the breakfast bar. We were about to make fruit salad.

"Sure," I say confidently, "We'll be fine..." And I shoo him out the door.

I head back to the kitchen and start slicing up the watermelon. We all take samples, the sweet juice running onto our chins. The doorbell rings... Did Christian forget his keys? I go to answer it, Ellie trailing me. I wipe off my chin with the back of my hand and open the door.

Oh. It's not Christian... Two red-headed women are at the door – one about mid-fifties, one closer to my age. "Hello..." I say, and Ellie scoots past me.

"Grandma!" She squeals. "Aunt Molly!" Oh shit...


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Ellie runs forward, grabs them both by the hand, and drags them inside. Then she clutches the younger woman around the legs. Marissa comes running over and hugs the older woman. I step back, just trying to absorb the scene that is playing out in front of me. I've seen a few photos of Christian's mother, Grace. And this is not her.

 _Their grandma and aunt_... _Chelsea's family_. Molly and... Crap. Kathy? Connie? I know he told me at some point. I look down at myself - wet hair, sticky hands, Christian's clothes... Oh no, no, NO. How does this stuff keep happening to me?!

"Hello there," says Kathy-Connie, looking over at me. "Are you the new babysitter?"

I blush. "No, I'm Ana... I'm, um..." Crap.

"She's Daddy's friend," says Ellie, proud to be the one with the answer.

"Hello," I say, reaching out to shake her hand, and then Molly's. "It's nice to meet you both."

I notice Molly take me in from head to toe as she shakes my hand. Yep, I'm in Christian's clothes…

I blush again. "Um, we were just... We got caught in the rain..."

They're both smiling, but their smiles are a little too bright - forced.

"Well." Says Kathy-Connie. "It's nice to meet you too. I'm Connie."

Connie! Thank you! _Chelsea's mother_.

"We're sorry to just pop in on you," she says. "Christian's not home?"

"No," I say. "He isn't. He just went out for a minute... to get some propane."

As if on cue, Christian appears in the doorway behind them. Oh thank God.

"Connie... Molly..." he says, looking past them at me, gauging my mental state. "What a surprise."

We all move from the kitchen doorway into the main living area, Christian carrying the new tank of propane.

"We don't want to interrupt your evening," says Connie. "We were out shopping and found these adorable swimming suits for the girls..." She puts two large shopping bags on the table and the girls dig in, pulling out colorful suits, beach towels, flip flops... They exclaim over all of it and then run upstairs to try everything on.

"So, Christian..." says Molly, "Ana's a friend of yours?"

Christian clears his throat and reaches out, pulling me in to his side. "Yes, um, we've been seeing each other for..." He looks over at me, "a little over a month."

I nod and smile, give a little wave.

"Anastasia Steele, meet my - um - my girls' grandmother and aunt, Connie and Molly Campbell."

This time we all smile and nod. Jeez, could this be any more awkward?

"Anyway," He says, "This is her first day meeting the girls, so..."

"Ah," says Connie, "A big day for you all, then."

I nod. "And getting bigger."

They laugh a little at this. Phew!

"Well. We'll get going... let you have your dinner," she says. "But we also wanted to stop by and invite you over on Saturday. We're opening the pool and thought the girls would want to come swim. Ana, you're more than welcome..."

Christian has already started leading them toward the door. "Thank you, Connie. We'll let you know?"

We all say our good-byes, the girls running in to show off their new suits and give hugs. Christian shuts the door firmly behind him and lets out a little chuckle. "I'm sorry," he says to me, then asks the girls to go upstairs to change again.

I sag a little, relaxing. "Well I had to meet them sometime... although like this? That was... interesting. But they seem nice."

"They are," He says, coming over and pulling me in close. "They're great with the girls. It was... hard. For a long time. But we're in a good place now."

"You said you've dated some. Have they ever met..."

"No." He says firmly. "Ana, this is a first for me. My family is not used to seeing me with anyone. I've always kept that part of my life... separate."

Oh. "And how do you think they're going to take this? And... the baby?"

He sighs. "I'm not sure. They're very... protective over Chelsea's memory. Let's just take it one thing at a time, okay?"

I nod. "Before we see them again, we're going to need more pillow talk."

…

I meet with my new supervisor, Gail, on Monday and we agree on the terms of my new position. As an intern, I won't be bringing home a huge paycheck. But, being a city job, the benefits are good. And the experience will be great. I can already tell that I'm going to love it here. Gail gives me a tour and shows me my cubicle. It's tucked into the back of a large room behind the children's department desk. My next-door neighbor is another intern – Hannah – and she's about my age. She's African-American, petite and stylish, and she seems friendly enough.

We agree that I'll start work on Wednesday, so I have a little free time… finally! I head home and give myself permission to veg – reading and binge-watching some shows on Netflix. Kate's already started her internship, but we slip into our old routine in the evenings. I cook us my specialty – lasagna – on Monday night, and Kate orders us hers – take-out – on Tuesday. We talk and laugh and I catch her up on what all's been happening. She nearly chokes on her food when I tell her about Connie and Molly, then rolls on the floor with laughter.

"Oh Ana," she says. "I miss you." She's sobers and looks at me. "What's going on with you two? I mean, what's next?"

I shrug. Of course we know that we weren't going to live together forever. That eventually one of us would get a life and move on. But I don't think either of us thought it would be me. "I'm not sure," I say. "Of course we're serious, but with his girls..."

She nods, then brightens. "He's going to have to make an honest woman out of you, then."

We clink our glasses together – her wine, my water – and grin.

Christian has work engagements on Wednesday and Friday nights this week, so our "pillow talk" happens by texting. I learn that Connie and Molly are both nurses, and that Molly is twenty-five and single. She lives with her mom across the lake – in Bellevue – so that they can both care for the girls on their turns. Molly was twenty, a sophomore in college, when her big sister passed away.

My first three days at work go smoothly – mostly just orientation – and people are friendly. I learn my way around and get familiar with the computer system. Hannah and I hit it off and we have lunch together on Friday at a nearby deli. She's twenty-three and married, and she doesn't live too far from me. She just finished up her degree in December, and has been at the library since then.

Christian and the girls pick me up on Saturday at 4:00. He comes around to open my door, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I am wearing the canary yellow bikini again. His eyes widen a little when he sees it peeking out from under my cover-up. He looks summery and delicious in a charcoal and white Bermuda shirt and black swim shorts.

The girls are chatting excitedly from the back seat. They are all fired up to finally get in the pool. "Hi, Ana!" Ellie pipes up. "Wait 'til ya see my grandma's pool! It has a slide and a hot tub..."

"... and a deep end with a diving board. And I can do back dives!" finishes Marissa. They jabber on, talking about who's best at what in the pool.

Christian smiles and reaches over, grabbing my hand. Mmm... his touch sends tingles right up my arm.

"How are you doing, baby? I've missed you," he says softly.

"Good... a little nervous about today." I admit.

"I know you are," he says. "Remember - one thing at a time. Today you're just the girl I'm dating."

"Okay," I nod. "I'll follow your lead."

We pull up to a sprawling Mediterranean home with a circular driveway. _Chelsea's family home_. I take a deep breath before piling out with Christian and the girls. We grab stuff out of the back - bags of swim gear and containers of food. Should I have offered to bring something? Hmmm...

The girls run up to the front door and walk right in, obviously at home here. Christian takes my free hand with his, and we walk slowly to the door. He squeezes my hand as we cross the threshold. "No worries," he says, "This is a new house. Chelsea never lived here."

Connie meets us in the entryway and leads us into the kitchen area at the back of the house,. She lets us put down our bags, then sgives us both a warm squeeze. "We got a great day for opening the pool," she enthuses. "We're so glad you could join us." She's right. The sun is pouring through the glass wall at the back of the kitchen, the pool a glittering blue beyond.

"I'll just pop these things in the fridge," she says, "and we'll head outside... this watermelon looks fantastic. Christian, a beer? Ana, what can I get you? Molly and I are having peach margaritas..."

Oh no. I can see that I will be turning drinks away all day. "Oh, thank you," I say, "actually I'm just thirsty... maybe water... or lemonade if you have it?"

She nods. "Coming right up!"

The girls return, pulling Molly with them. It's obvious that she's the "fun aunt" - she has Ellie under one arm and they're all giggling hysterically. "Ana!" yells Ellie, "Help! The Molly Monster's gonna eat me up!"

We head out to the pool and settle in at a large, teak table. The patio is amazing... matching tables and chairs, chaises, live plants, and a shady pergola. Connie and Molly have their margaritas, Christian has a bottle of beer, and I have my - sigh - lemonade. At least it's cold and refreshing - not too sweet.

"So, Ana," Connie begins. "Christian tells us that you just graduated? In library science?"

"Yes... from UW. And I started my first 'real job' on Wednesday, at Seattle Public... downtown?"

"Ana was valedictorian." Christian says proudly. Christian! I shoot him a dirty look and now I'm blushing furiously. He smirks. I know he's getting me back for not telling him about it.

"At UW? That's impressive!" gushes Connie. "So what are you doing at the library?"

"Well, technically I'm assistant librarian in the children's department... but that's just code for 'intern'"..." We laugh. "But I love it... even the scut duty... it's my dream job. So you're both nurses?"

"Yep," says Molly. "Mom's a baby nurse at NorthWest and I'm in cardiology - the cath lab - at Seattle Grace. It's in the blood," she jokes. And we laugh again.

Just then the girls come running out. "Can we swim? Pleeeease?!" They are hopping around like fleas.

"Go ahead and change... Marissa, help Ellie!" Connie calls, but the girls are off, back into the house already.

We chat for just a few minutes more. I compliment the house and pool area, and we discuss the slow start to summer... even for Seattle. Then the girls are back... dashing to the pool and jumping in - splashing and shrieking. They're both good swimmers... even Ellie looks totally at home in the water.

"What do you say, Ana?" asks Molly. "Cold pool or warm hot tub?"

I laugh and look at Christian, eyebrows raised. After all, it started with a hot tub... He smirks, then shakes his head almost imperceptibly. _Shit_ , hot tubs! There's a rule about that, isn't there... No hot tubs.

"Come in the pool, Ana!" yells Marissa. "You too, Daddy!" Phew! I am saved. I excuse myself and head for the pool, taking off my cover-up and shorts. I glance down at myself - my white skin is practically glowing, but I am meticulously shaved and my belly is flat - for now. I dip my toes in and make a fuss about the cold water before using the wide steps to get in. Brrrr... it' _is_ chilly. Don't think about the hot tub! The girls swim over and cling on to me... giggling and pulling me in deeper. I look at Christian and he's grinning. He hops up, strips off his shirt, and - muscles rippling - cannonballs straight at us, shooting water at everyone.

Soon, the cold is forgotten as we laugh and play together. Molly - in a red-and-white bikini - joins us after a bit. She has a perfect body, but with her red-headed complexion, she's even whiter than me. For about an hour, we're on and off the slide, diving board and inflatables - the girls cat-calling and daring us. Only Connie has enough sense to hang out in the hot tub, drink in hand.

Eventually, when we all have blue lips and wrinkly fingers and toes, we crawl out. We are all soaked, like a bunch of drowned rats. We grab towels and stretch out, warming and drying in the sunshine. Marissa brings out a brush and asks me to comb out her hair. So I do her, then Ellie, then myself.

Connie calls the girls and Molly to come help with dinner - she has the grill warming. I ask if I can help, but she waves me off. "First visit to our cabana, you get a free pass." Molly offers me a margarita, but I pass - saying I'd better not drink in the sun. Christian gets a beer, and a glass of lemonade for me, then stretches out on the next chaise. Ahh... this is heavenly. I turn over, onto my belly, and start to drift... the sun warming my skin, the smell of food grilling, the girls' distant voices...

When I wake, It's quiet and cooler. The sun has disappeared, and with it my sense of well-being. I sit up quickly. How long did I sleep? Where is everyone? Then I see the adults in the kitchen, gathered around the breakfast bar. They're all dressed and appear to be finishing up the dinner prep. But they're not... they're all perfectly still. I can almost feel the tension radiating from them. I can see Molly's expression - she has daggers for Christian, who's standing with his back to me, leaning on the counter, shoulders tense. I can't see Connie's face, except in profile, but she's frozen. Oh no. No, no, no...

I hop up and wrap my towel around me, feeling numb and shaky as I force myself across the patio and inside. Christian looks up as I enter, his face tight. "Hi," I say. "Everything all right?" I try to keep my voice light, but I know it's shaking.

"They guessed." Christian says simply.

Ohh... oh this is not good, and I don't think they're taking it well. And things were going so nicely… "I see." I say, "Um, can I just go change real quick?" I am the only one still in a wet swimming suit... and I need a minute.

Christian shows me to a half-bath down a hallway off the kitchen. I change, taking my time - fumbling as my teeth chatter. I'm not really cold, just tense. I brought a pair of navy capris with a blue and white striped tee. I also slip on a light, grey zipper hoodie. It feels soft and cozy, comforting. My hair has dried a little funny, so I brush it out and scoop it into a ponytail. I put on a little lip gloss, and that's it... nothing left to do. I pack up my things and head back out to the kitchen. Here we go...

They've unfrozen, everyone trying to act natural. Connie comes over and squeezes me around the shoulders. "Well," she says, "I guess 'congratulations' are in order." She smiles, but it's a little forced. "How are you feeling?"

Um, I feel trapped - this whole day has been a minefield. Drinks, hot tubs, two nurses... _one of them a freaking baby nurse_... and I had to fall asleep.

"Um, fine," I lie, "Well a little on the spot... was it the drinks or the hot tub that tipped you off?"

"Everything..." admits Molly, "The look Christian gave you about the hot tub... but it wasn't until I saw you asleep that it clicked. I mean, Christian's always kept his - um, personal life - separate, but suddenly..." she shrugs. "But really... congratulations from me too. We just... need to let it sink in a little."

"I know," I say, "I get it." And we laugh, breaking the tension a little.

"How far along are you, Ana?" asks Connie.

"Um," I blush. Will I ever feel comfortable talking about this? "Just eight weeks...so..."

"So," Christian says emphatically. "She's been to see a midwife, we saw the heartbeat... it's all good. But, no one else needs to know. My mom knows and Ana's roommate, Kate. But that's it, okay? So yes, let's let it sink in... time to eat?"

"Yes!" says Connie brightly, "Let's eat. Christian, go get the girls?" She explains to me that they're downstairs in the family room, watching a movie.

We eat dinner - barbecued chicken, pasta salad, corn on the cob, watermelon... and ice cream for dessert. A real summer meal. Luckily, the girls talk animatedly all through dinner and the rest of us don't have to say much. The day turns to dusk, and it's cooler now.

Leave it to Ellie to improve everyone's mood. She climbs onto my lap and cuddles into my sweatshirt. She feels sticky – again - and she smells sweet. I stroke her silky hair and she sighs and pops her thumb in her mouth.

I look up and all three of them are smiling at me. Maybe... just maybe, we'll all make it through.

We finish up, everyone carrying something back into the house. Ellie's half asleep, so Christian takes her from me and takes her straight to the SUV. Marissa's blinking sleepily and she comes to stand by me, her pool bag in her arms. I smooth her hair back behind her shoulders and give her a little squeeze.

Connie and Molly hug us, and walk us out, going to give Ellie kisses too. "Goodbye all," says Connie, "Take care of yourselves." And she looks pointedly at me.

"We will..." I say softly, "You too."

Then we get in and pull through the driveway, waving and calling our goodbyes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Christian parks in front of my building and glances in the rear-view mirror. "They're both asleep," he says. "Are you up for a little pillow - um - headrest talk?"

I smile and lean my head back, settling in. "Sure."

He reaches over and takes my hand. "You continue to dazzle me, Miss Steele. You've been dropped into so many difficult situations, and somehow... it doesn't faze you."

"It doesn't faze me? Are you kidding? Christian, I'm freaking out - like 90% of the time."

He chuckles. "Me too. And I'm sorry we're not getting our whole weekend together."

Christian's mother is in Aspen, and he has plans to fly the girls down there tomorrow. They're out of school for the summer, so they'll spend the week with her.

And I'll be spending the week with Christian - playing house among other things. I'm sure we'll more than make up for the weekend...

"What time's your flight tomorrow?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Whenever we're ready. Probably late morning."

I just look at him.

"Ana, I have a private plane - a company jet."

I sigh and put my head back again, shutting my eyes. "You're very wealthy, aren't you." It isn't a question.

"Yes, I am..." He says, not sure where I'm going with this.

"You have a beautiful home on the water, two very nice cars, an airplane, part of a company, a library wing..."

He laughs. "Ana, I don't own the library wing. That was a donation."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. What else?"

"Well... an apartment downtown, our family home in Bellevue - my brother's living there now - the house in Aspen, an apartment in New York..."

Holy shit. "Tell me about your brother. You never talk about him."

"Elliot's... a decent guy, a bit of a playboy. He owns a construction company..."

"Did you help him start it?"

"Yes..." He pauses. "It's all part of my corporation - Grey Holdings, Incorporated?"

"So when you said it was owned by yourself and some others... You really own it and others oversee parts of it?"

"Yes," he admits.

"So how do you handle it all? I mean, you have this corporation and all these homes, you're a single dad..."

"I have very good people working for me."

"Where are they? I never see anyone."

"Well... my personal assistant and security advisor, Taylor, is very good and very discreet. He knows my schedule, anticipates my needs - when to send in housekeepers, what shopping needs to be done..."

"Security?"

"Yes," He sighs. "It comes with the territory."

"It's okay," I tease. "I love you anyway."

He laughs again and leans in, kissing me softly. I deepen the kiss, slip him a little tongue before pulling away and getting out of the car. He's grinning as I shut the door, walk away. Yep, keep him guessing!

We settle into a work week routine together. The fridge and pantry are very well-stocked with the ingredients for some of my favorite foods. Hmmm... We cook together and have dinner on the balcony each night, we talk and talk... finally filling in some of the gaps. He tells me more about his father, mother, and brother. His mother... I still have to meet her, but she's been in Aspen for the past couple of weeks.

It's sweet and domestic... like we're a couple just starting out. Except that we really have two - well, three - children. And the third is a constant reminder of reality. Nausea that comes in waves until mid-afternoon, an aversion to food - even the smell of it first thing in the morning can send me off to find the nearest toilet... And my breasts are so tender... I have declared them off limits. Although it's not ideal, it hasn't slowed us down _too_ much. And I am so, so tired. I can nod off within seconds of sitting down.

Christian's finishing up dinner - grilled salmon and baked potatoes... It smells good. I'm watching from one of the Adirondack chairs… the breeze is tickling my face… and I drift...

"Ana?" Mmmmm... I don't... "Ana, dinner's ready."

I open my eyes, stretch. "Mmm... I just can't stay awake. How long was I asleep?"

"Ten minutes, maybe. Remember Megan said this is normal at nine weeks. The placenta is developing, and your body..."

"Stop." I put my hand up. "No more. I'm getting up..."

He chuckles. "Come on, let's get some food in you."

We keep the dinner conversation light. No more talk of placentas...

"So I was thinking I might fly down to Aspen this weekend, to get the girls."

"I thought your mom was flying back with them."

"She's planning to, but I think she wants to stay another week. I thought we could go down for the weekend instead." He raises his eyebrows, gauges my reaction.

I splutter my water, nearly choke. "We?"

He pats my back. "Don't you think it's time for you to meet my mother?"

Oh here we go. "Okay," I agree. Well, I've always wanted to go to Colorado...

On Thursday, I head out for lunch and of course I have to pee. Again. I check the upstairs employee restroom – occupied. I go down the back stairway and try the downstairs employee restroom – also occupied. Ugh! I really need to go. How can a baby the size of a grape cause this much pressure on my bladder? I enter the public area and scoot across the main lobby to the public restroom where – thank goodness – one of the two stalls is open.

I wash my hands and turn to leave and there's a man standing between me and the door. A man with a weathered face... wearing rags. "Oh!" I say, "Excuse me... I thought this was the women's." How embarrassing! I start to go around him, but he grabs my arms and slams me – hard – against the door. Ah! _Oh shit_...

I feel the back of my head hit the door, making a sickening thud, and I see stars. He puts one hand on my throat & squeezes. Mmmmm... He holds his other hand up to his lips, "Shhhhh... don't make a sound," he slurs in a husky voice. Oh, his breath is foul! Vomit rises in my throat. Then he reaches up and turns the lock on the door. Why do these doors have locks anyway?! He moves his hand down and fumbles with his pants... oh no, no, NO. I am frozen... what do I do? He's going to... and WHY did I wear a skirt today? Oh my little grape… please don't hurt us! My head is pounding and now there's a black fog at the sides of my vision...

He starts rubbing himself... ugh! And then he reaches up to stroke my face. "This is for Leila," he whispers. What?! Who's Leila? I freeze – don't panic, never panic… - then my instincts kick in. I let him trace my cheek for a moment, two... then I whip my hand up and bend his pinky back - hard. It makes a satisfying _crack_ and he pulls back, off balance. This is it! I bring my knee up - wham! - into his groin. I know I've hit my target, because he roars in pain and staggers back, dragging me along by my neck. With the other hand, he's slapping and clawing at my face. He finally lets go and falls to the floor. Yes! If I can only reach the door, flip the lock... get OUT. But the blood that was trapped in my head rushes out, and everything goes black. My head hits something hard as I fall... and I'm gone.

...

I am swimming. The water is warm and dark, and I am swimming up, up, up toward the light. I can see it... the sun, bright overhead. I burst out of the water and there it is... too bright. I can't open my eyes. Then, ahh... my head, my throat... PAIN. Pain is coursing through me, throbbing. I need to block out the sun... too bright!

My eyes flutter... not the sun, a light. A lamp, a metal lamp. And another light - a fluorescent square - in the ceiling. Everything's white... it smells funny. And the PAIN. My head, my throat, my arm, my hip... My throat is dry. I try to lick my lips, no moisture... Where am I? I turn my head to the left. Ooh, I'm stiff, and my head protests but it's not too bad. And I see the top of someone's head - a copper colored head - and I feel a warm, solid hand clasping mine. Christian.

I squeeze his hand. It's not much, but he jerks awake and looks up at me. Our eyes meet and his are full of anguish, then relief. "Ana..." and he starts to cry. "Oh Ana... you're awake. How do you feel, baby?" He reaches up and strokes my brow.

Um, I am not sure... confused? In pain?

"Ouch." I rasp, "Thirsty."

"Okay, yes I bet... let me get the nurse." The nurse... hospital... I freeze in terror. The baby! Oh no, I lost the baby... that's why I'm here!

"The baby?" I choke out.

"The baby's fine..." he says, and kisses my hand. "One part of you that isn't beat up."

I sag back in relief... the baby's fine. Our baby's fine. Christian pushes a button on a remote by my bed.

"Why..." I rasp again, looking around. What happened? I guess losing the baby wouldn't make me hurt in all these places. I cannot think clearly. A car accident? Did I fall down the stairs? I can't...

A woman in pink scrubs comes bustling in. Her face lights up when she sees me. "Miss Steele! Welcome back!"

She checks the machines by my bed, then my pulse. She puts a cool hand on my forehead... "Okay," she says brightly. "How do you feel?" Oh, the question of the day, and I still don't know...

"Sore... thirsty."

"Let me page the doctor, let her examine you. And we'll work on your pain, get you some water."

She leaves and Christian grabs my hand again. I'm aware of a pinch in my left arm, an IV? Yes, I can see the tube... Don't look! And I think I'm wearing oxygen. I can feel air in my nose, tubes across my face and behind my ears. I try to move my right arm... Ah! Pain shoots up my arm and it feels heavy. And my head... my throat... so dry.

I look back at Christian. "How?" I rasp.

"Shhh, baby... just rest a minute. I promised the police they could talk to you first." The police? Did I do something wrong? Did I cause an accident? Did I hurt someone? Did someone DIE?

He sees the panic on my face. "You're okay... shhh..." I close my eyes, feel his hand stroke my hair... and I drift.

"Good afternoon, Ana." says a brisk voice. It's firm, but warm. "I'm Doctor Greene."

I open my eyes. She's pretty - mid-forties?- with dark hair and eyes.

"Can you tell me your full name?"

"Anastasia Rose Steele." I rasp.

She continues through a list of questions and I get them all. The year, the president, my birthdate, what city we're in... Until, "What day is it?"

I have no idea. "Thursday?"

"It's almost Saturday," she says. "You've missed a day or two. And where are you?"

"Hospital. But I don't know why..." Yikes. A day or two?

She flashes a small light in my eyes, makes me follow it, has me touch my nose with my left hand.

"Okay," she says, "Your vitals and initial screen are good." She pauses. "The police are chomping at the bit... so we'll talk over your condition in a bit. But I will get you some water." Oh thank goodness... finally!

An older man comes in. His face is impassive and he's wearing a dark suit. He flashes his badge. "Miss Steele? I'm Detective Clarke."

He asks if I can recall the events that occurred on Thursday. The events? I don't... "I remember leaving for lunch," I begin. Then what? "I needed to use the restroom and..." Then they hit me - a flood of images - and I get a rush of adrenaline And start to shake. And just like before, vomit rises in my throat and I shut my eyes, breathe in and out.

I hear Christian protesting, "Detective, please, my girlfriend's just woken up..."

I put my hand up. "It's okay... Just give me a minute." Slowly, I begin to recount what happened in the bathroom, pausing when the nausea takes over. "He said... 'This is for Leila.'"

The detective's brow furrows as he makes a note. "And does that name mean anything to you?"

"No, nothing," I say. And I realize that the detective is no longer looking at me. He's looking at Christian. I turn my head and I can see why. Christian's face is tense and completely colorless, and a sheen of sweat appears on his brow.

Oh, that name means something to him. Who in the _hell_ is Leila?


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Mr. Grey?" asks Detective Clarke. "Do you have something to add?"

Christian doesn't look at him, he just stares at me. "Ana," he chokes out, "I am so, so sorry."

"Mr. Grey," Clarke asks again, more forcefully.

Christian lets out a slow breath. He grips my hand and lowers his gaze. His body is radiating tension. "Leila was my ex."

Ohh... But that doesn't make sense. It's been over a year... Why would she send someone after me?

"An ex-girlfriend?" asks Clarke. "We're going need a statement and a photograph."

"Detective," says Christian, his voice low and tight, "Please finish your interview with Ana. She needs to rest. And then I will tell you everything I know."

We finish up with the details that I can remember. By the end, my eyelids are drooping... I fight to stay awake, to find out what's going on... But I can't...

...

"Miss Steele... Ana."

I manage to open my eyes. The detective is gone and the doctor is back.

"How are you feeling?" She asks.

Hmmm... "Sleepy and kind of... floaty."

She smiles, "No pain?"

"Not really..."

"Pain meds. I wanted you to be lucid for the detective, but now we can keep you more comfortable."

Oh. I'm having a hard time finding my thoughts through the fog. "The baby?" I ask.

"They're fine for the baby." She says, "Now. I just wanted to go over your condition with you."

I nod.

"You have a concussion and a couple of contusions on your head, a few stitches. We think you hit your head on the sink when you lost consciousness."

I nod again. Unconscious... "How did... Who?"

"As far as I know, your attacker staggered out into the lobby, trying to flee." She's unable to hide a little smile. "But the way he was - clutching himself - drew suspicion. And the security guard stopped him."

My mind is clearing a little. "They caught him, then."

"Yes. He's under arrest. Getting medical attention for his - injuries. He'll live," she says. "Anyway, so they found you and called 911."

Christian interjects, "And Gail, your supervisor, called me. I was listed as an emergency contact in your file."

I smile. Yes, I put him in there at his insistence, but had simply written 'Christian' and his phone number.

"Also," the doctor continues, "your arm is sprained - not broken - but it's going to be sore for awhile. Your neck too. He had a good grip on you..." She grimaces. "Otherwise, just some bruises and scratches. We may let you go home tomorrow." She removes my oxygen and puts my arm into a sling so that I can sit up without jostling it too much.

After she leaves. I turn and look at Christian. He still looks horrible... stressed and worried, guilty.

"Christian," I say, holding out my hand. "Talk to me. Why would she do this? It can't have to do with me personally..."

He doesn't meet my eyes. "Ana..." his voice is raspy, tortured. "You asked me if I brought women home a lot. And I hadn't. Not exactly..."

Oh no...

And so he tells me. Speaking softly, gripping my hand the whole time, but not looking at me.

I can't even comprehend what he's saying. It doesn't make any sense, and I don't think it's because of the pain meds.

Dominant... submissives... contracts... his apartment downtown... the fact that he terminated his agreement with Leila the morning after he met me... _After we..._

And slowly other emotions filter in. Disbelief, disgust, _anger_. I pull my hand away and turn on my side, away from him. "I need you to go." I say.

After a few moments, I hear him get up, and he kisses me softly on the temple. And then he leaves.

I don't move or react. I just lay quietly, wrapped in anger and shock. A nurse comes in and pushes something into my IV. After a minute, the fog returns. Oh thank goodness...

When I wake again, it's morning. I roll over and Kate is curled up in the chair beside my bed. _Kate_!

"Kate," I rasp.

Her eyes fly open, and she pops up, grabbing my hand. "Oh Ana... Christian called me... said you were attacked... that he had to go make a statement..."

She looks overwhelmed, confused, in shock... I know the feeling.

Before I can explain, Dr. Greene comes in. "Miss Steele... Are you ready to get out of here?"

...

Kate drives me home, and we settle in on my bed. I turn off my phone and shove it in my bedside table drawer. We curl up, facing each other, and for once she gives me time to gather my thoughts. And then I begin to explain, to tell her everything. She lies quietly and listens, holding onto her questions until I'm done.

"Well," she says, "I would not have guessed he was into the BDSM lifestyle. But, Ana, you had to know about the money... I mean he's... _Christian Grey._ Didn't you Google him?"

I shake my head. "No. I mean, you know I don't care about that stuff."

"Ana, he's - like - the richest person in Seattle."

I scoff. "That can't be true. What about Bill Gates?"

"Well, technically, he lives in Bellevue."

I roll my eyes and then cover my face with my hands. Kate scurries out and returns with her MacBook. Her talent for googling runs a close second to ordering take-out.

She types furiously for several minutes, then her jaw drops. "Ana, until you, he hadn't been photographed with his woman since losing his wife."

"What? No... Let me see!" I pull her laptop to face me, and there we are - coming out of the seafood restaurant. We look so happy... and in love. My stomach clenches. No. That was before. He's not who I thought he was. He's some sort of... I don't even know. And he _lied_ to me.

I scroll through pages and pages of photos of Christian... most alone, a few with Chelsea - on the street, cutting ribbons, at charity functions... he really is public figure. And now I am too. I scroll back to the photo of us. 'Christian Grey with friend.' Okay, well maybe I'm not quite a household name. _Not yet anyway_.

I take a deep breath. "But what about all the BDSM stuff? I don't even really know..."

Kate grimaces, then pulls the laptop back toward her. Thirty minutes later, we are both speechless. Whipping... caning... bondage... I can't even - Oh, I feel sick. "Kate, no more... I can't..." I roll over, and I'm drifting... I just can't take anymore... anything.

For two days, Kate is the perfect mother hen. She dotes on me and doesn't let me lift a finger. She brings me snacks and drinks, and I humor her by eating bits here and there. But I'm nauseous really not hungry. On Sunday night, she makes me chicken noodle soup. Okay, it's canned soup, but still. She hands me the steaming bowl and sits, lips pursed, while I eat it. Surprisingly, it tastes delicious and I eat every bite. I thank her for the soup and reassure her that she can go back to work tomorrow. I'm off my pain meds, and feeling more like myself.

Energized, I decide to take a shower. Let's face it, I am really getting ripe. I take off my sling and arm brace, strip down, and shower. The hot water feels amazing and I let it wash away the grime of the past few days. Afterwards, I examine myself in the mirror. Ohh, it's not pretty. My face and throat are scratched and bruised, and I have a few stitches next to my right eyebrow. I think that's where I hit the sink. My right shoulder and hip are also bruised - large, purplish splotches of color on my pale skin.

And I look thin, almost gaunt. My cheeks are sunken and my collar and hipbones are protruding. But... between my hipbones, where my stomach is normally concave, it... isn't. It's actually slightly rounded. I press on it and it's very firm. Hmm... I turn to the side and - yep - there's a definite little bulge. Oh, I am starting to show. This should be an exciting time - one to share with Christian. But I don't feel excited. I just feel numb and tired. Again. So I finish up, slip on sweatpants and a t-shirt, and crawl back into bed.

I am woken when someone crawls in bed with me. It's pitch dark, but I know it's him. _Christian_. He doesn't touch me or speak, but I can feel him. That familiar energy is coursing between us.

"Ana?" he whispers, and I feel him shift and start to put a hand on my hip.

"Don't." I hiss. "Don't touch me. Please."

I feel him shift back a little, and he's quiet for a few moments. Then, tentatively, he asks, "Can we have pillow talk?"

I'm torn between shutting him out in anger and letting him try to explain. Finally, curiosity wins out. "Fine," I say, "Talk."

And he does. He tells me again how sorry he is, that it's his fault for allowing his past to hurt me. He explains that he's helping with the investigation, and that Leila has disappeared. She's from the Olympic Peninsula, and they think she's fled to that area. My attacker claims that he was just paid to do a job, to scare me away from Christian. But, they haven't ruled out a deeper connection.

This is all good information, but it's not what I really want to know. What I need to know. "Christian," I say. "You lied to me - yes, maybe by omission - but it was still a lie. And I just can't wrap my head around the person I know and... what I've learned about that - other - lifestyle."

He sighs. "I know. Please give me a chance to explain. I miss you so much, and.."

I interrupt him. "I need you to show me."


	15. Chapter 15

***Author's note: Thank you so much for continuing to follow along! I have corrected a couple of small errors, which were pointed out to me. Thank you! In Chapter 14, I forgot that Christian would have also been photographed with Chelsea, so she has been added. Also, I found an error in Ch 2, where I had Jack's original name, Dan. But then I decided that 'Jack Hyde' is the wrong name for him. It turns out that he might be a little slimy, but not truly evil... Anyway, it's back to Dan.**

 **Of course, these things wouldn't be an issue if my story was complete and fully edited. But that wouldn't much fun, would it?**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

I sleep, alongside Christian, until just before seven in the morning. When I wake, I'm on my back and Christian is staring down at me, his face grim.

What? He saw me in the hospital, so it can't be _too_ much of a shock.

He takes one finger and gently traces it across my cheek, over my protruding collarbone, and down my sling to my fingers, which he grasps lightly. "Ana, I'm so..."

"I know. You're sorry...You said that already..."

"And you're too thin, baby."

I sigh. "Well, let's see... I'm pregnant. I was attacked. You're a Dominant. You have a crazy ex-submissive. You lied to me. And then you left. So, no, I don't have much of an appetite."

"I know. And I want to explain, show you everything..."

"Great," I say. "Now please go out while I get dressed."

"What, you want to go now? But you're..."

"Yes. Now, Christian."

He looks like he wants to argue, but stops himself. After all, he's actually getting his way. He gets to show me, try to explain himself.

I dress quickly in jeans and a tank top and put my hair in a ponytail. I slide my arm into the sling, and slip a long-sleeved cotton shirt on over it, leaving it open. At least it partly hides my arm. I grab a pair of large sunglasses, which will hide the worst of my face.

Kate's sitting in the living room opposite Christian, arms crossed, when I come out. Ah, the mother hen. I wonder how Christian sweet-talked his way around her...

"Thank you, Kate," I say. "I'm fine. You should go to work, okay?"

She nods, gives Christian the 'I'm watching you' look, and pulls me in for a hug. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. _Kate!_

She leaves and Christian stands. "Ready?"

I nod. "Where are we going?"

"Escala, my apartment building. Taylor's downstairs. Let's go."

He leads me downstairs and straight out to the waiting SUV. A man in a dark suit and buzz cut jumps out and opens a rear door for me. "Miss Steele." I slide in and Christian quickly goes around to the other side and gets in. "Taylor, Miss Anastasia Steele. Ana, meet Taylor." We nod at each other and, concealed by the darkly-tinted windows, we're off toward Christian's downtown apartment.

We don't speak on the short drive, but Christian reaches over and grasps my hand. He seems nervous but... determined.

I catch a glimpse of the tall, modern building as Taylor pulls into an underground parking garage. In the elevator, Christian inputs a code and we ascend. The doors open into a large vestibule with a polished, marble floor. We walk through a set of double doors, and enter into a huge space with floor-to-ceiling windows. The furnishings are stark and modern, all black and white. Wow, I've never seen anything like it. It's stunning. I catch myself gaping and quickly shut my mouth. "So," I say. "Is this your fuck pad?"

He lets out a low chuckle, "You could say that. So... what do you think of it?"

I shrug. "We'll see."

Over the next half-hour, Christian gives me a tour of the enormous apartment. There are two levels, with the double-height living area and master suite on the main floor. Upstairs, there are two more bedrooms. Both are furnished, but impersonal. This is more like a hotel than a home. He stops outside a third doorway and fishes a key from his pocket.

He gestures for me to go in first, then follows and turns on the lights.

Oh. My. God. Google has not prepared me for this. It's a large, womb-like room with red walls. Warm lighting reveals an ultimate Dominant's playroom. It's furnished in all heavy, dark wood and red leather. There are racks of torture devices - whips, canes, cuffs - and cabinets that must hold more of the same.

Christian is quiet, motionless as he lets me examine the room.

"And this is where you... with Leila?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And for how long?"

"She was my submissive for eight months."

"And were there others?"

"Yes," He says, "fourteen."

I whip around to face him. "You've had FIFTEEN women in here?" Holy shit. I can't even...

He looks down, then back up at me. "Some were only… brief encounters. Others, like Leila, were for longer."

"Were you hoping that I would be number sixteen?"

He runs his hands through his hair. "Let's not talk in here."

We return to the huge living area, and I gaze out at the city view. "Ana, I told you before that I was overcome by you. For the first time - in a long time - I felt like maybe I could have more. For me, for my girls. They keep asking about you..."

"Don't." I snap. "Don't you dare bring them into this. You should have known better, to come clean before introducing us. You should have shown me first, and instead you let me..." I shrug. "You let me get sucked in."

He hangs his head in shame. "I know."

"So were you ever going to tell me? Bring me here?"

He pauses. "I was planning on it the night you told me you were pregnant."

Oh. "So you _did_ want to do this with me."

"At first, maybe… but I realized pretty quickly that you are _not_ a submissive." He smirks.

I can't hide my smile. Well, he got that right at least. He sees the chink in my armor and reaches out, pulls me in close.

"Ana," he says, "I've made rash decisions lately… ones that ended up getting you hurt. But, I can't say that I regret all of them." He runs one finger across my belly, and that's it. I'm melting… the anger is ebbing away. He hooks one finger under my chin, then looks at me, asking permission.

I nod, and he kisses me gently. It's slow and smooth, and a new sensation spreads down to my toes. I don't recognize it at first, but as I kiss him back – Seattle at our feet – it feels a whole lot like forgiveness.

…

We leave Ecscala and Taylor drives us home, stopping so we can grab an overnight bag for me. I'm not going back to work until next week, and Christian doesn't go into the office. He works in his home office when I nap - which is often. For three days, we just spend time re-connecting. He tells me about his time as a submissive, that a neighbor seduced him when he was fifteen. He was her submissive for three years, finally cutting the ties with her when he met Chelsea at college.

The girls are staying in Aspen for another week, so it's just us. Okay, it's just us and a stream of workers. Christian is having the security system upgraded, complete with outdoor cameras. He notices me watching the production. "I just want you to be safe... to feel safe."

I know. But it's just a reminder of what happened, which I've mostly managed to keep shoved in the back of my mind. I know that my attacker is still in jail, and that Leila has taken off. "I do," I say. "I feel safe when I'm with you."

The workmen finish up and leave, and I finally relax. Christian runs me a bath, and helps me into it. His breath hitches when he sees my bruises, but he doesn't say anything, and I quickly hide in the bubbles. He sits by the side of the tub, and we talk. "The first time we were in here," I begin, "You said you hadn't had a woman here in over a year. Did you bring some of them here? The fifteen?"

"No." He says emphatically. "Never. A couple of times, when I was in between submissives, I let Dan and Elliot talk me into blind dates." He shrugs. "I wasn't ready. And I would retreat into the lifestyle where I felt safe."

And I finally understand. What seems like a scary choice to me was his safe zone. And what we have - what he wants to have with me - terrifies him. Getting it back, only to lose it again, would destroy him. _Oh Christian_...

I soak until the water cools and I am all pruny, then Christian helps me out of the tub. He dries me gently, stopping to run his fingers over my bruises and tenderly kissing each one. When he gets to my belly, he looks up and smiles. "You're starting to show."

I nod, and pull him up, meeting him with my mouth. Desire starts to pool in my groin, and I rub against him. He pulls back, breaking the connection. "Ana," he warns, "I don't think it's a good idea."

He's strictly hands-off after that, and for a man with his normally voracious sexual appetite, he has incredible self-control. On Thursday, I have my follow-up appointment with Dr. Greene. She removes my stitches and lets me ditch the sling, leaving me with just a small wrist brace. My bruises are starting to fade - more of a sickly green than a violent purple.

"I do have one question," says Christian, addressing Dr. Greene.

Ooh, here we go... He's going to ask about sex. Finally!

"Is she okay to fly?"

Dr. Greene assures us that it's fine and leaves the room. I look up at Christian. "Now where are we going?"

He smiles, "Aspen."

...

By the time we arrive at the family home in Aspen, it's after 11:00 mountain time. Christian lets us in and leads me upstairs to a large bedroom. There's a king-sized bed, a seating area with a fireplace, and a large en-suite bathroom. The decor has a lodge-like feel. Oh this lifestyle... will I ever get used to it?

I get ready for bed, and Christian lies next to me. "I'll stay until you fall asleep, but my room's down the hall, okay?" What? Oh true... his mother and daughters are here. But right now, I don't have the strength to care. I'm exhausted and I can't keep my eyes...

... open. But bright sunlight is hitting my face. What? It's morning - nearly 8:30. Ohh... and the house is quiet. What are the chances that I can find Christian before I find Grace? I don't even know where his room is!

Regardless, my bladder is fully convinced that it's time to get up, so I follow it into the en-suite. Now, should I go downstairs or cower up here until Christian comes to find me? Suck it up, Steele... You don't want her to think you sleep all day!

I decide to take a quick shower. Maybe Christian will hear it and come rescue me? No such luck. Too soon, I am showered and dressed... just in a white v-neck tee and grey yoga pants. For casually lounging around the house... I put on a little concealer, but no other make-up. Casually-lounging Ana doesn't need make-up.

I take a deep breath and head downstairs. I don't hear a lot of noise - no children - but someone is definitely moving around. I follow the smell of coffee - COFFEE! - into a large, open kitchen. And there, at the counter, facing away from me is _Grace_.

"Good morning?" I squeak. Ugh!

She turns and... there she is. _Christian_ _'s mother._ She's about my height, brunette and pretty - of course she's pretty! She's responsible for that beautiful man...

"Ana," she says and smiles warmly. "Welcome." And she comes around the counter. We hesitate - do we shake hands or hug? She considers me for a moment, two, then pulls me in for a hug. Oh thank goodness. She smells clean, like Ivory soap and she feels soft and comfortable, like a mother should. She pulls back and looks me over.

Before she can say anything, I interject. "I know. It's been... an adventure so far, but I'm okay."

She smiles and gestures to the kitchen. "The locusts," she says, "have been through. But I may be able to scrounge you up something."

I chuckle. There is cereal everywhere, plus banana peels, puddles of orange juice, and a picked-over plate of muffins.

"Coffee, Ana?"

"Yes, PLEASE... just a half cup, cream if you have it."

"I made half-caff. And we have cream - for you - by order of Christian."

I smile. "A full cup then, please."

She rearranges the muffins onto a smaller plate, adds an orange and a banana to it, and brings it over to a place setting on the breakfast bar. She pours us both a cup of coffee, then brings them over, standing across the counter from me.

"I love my son, Ana, and I know him well." She pauses. "And he is completely enamored with you. I haven't seen him like this for... a long time."

 _Since Chelsea_... I sit quietly, knowing she's not done. I take a sip of my coffee, and it's nutty and delicious.

"And the girls... All week it's been 'Ana this' and 'Ana that.'" She chuckles. "They're obviously taken with you too. And I - I'm looking forward to getting to know you."

I smile. "Likewise. And I know you're worried about your son - your granddaughters - that things have moved quickly. But I want to reassure you that I really love him. And I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," she says, "Otherwise you'd already be gone." We grin and she raises her mug to me. _Phew_!

"Where are they, anyway?" I ask.

"They're out front - 'helping' to clear out some flowerbeds."

As if on cue, a door slams, and I hear little feet running. "Nanaaaa!" Ellie bursts into the kitchen, spots me, and changes course. "Ana! Ana, Ana, Ana... you're awake!" I hop down from my stool and pull her in close. She smells of her normal sweetness, but with leaves and grass mixed in. "I wanted to jump on you and wake you up, but Daddy said NO!"

I laugh. "Ellie-girl, I've missed you... and what's in your hair?"

"Leaves! Me and Marissa made a huge pile. Will you get them out for me?"

I pull out her ponytail and pick carefully through her fine, honey-blonde hair, then put it back up.

"Okay, you're done. Let me talk to your Nana for just another minute. Tell Daddy and Marissa that I'll be right out,"

And, just like the Ellie whirlwind that she is, she's gone.

I look up and Grace is watching me. Jeez, is it genetic?

"Now," she says, "tell me about my new granchild."

I blush. I know that Christian told her, but still. "Um, well...I'm right at ten weeks now, and we go back to the midwife next week. Otherwise, there's not too much to tell. Other than... and I gesture to my plate, where I have picked at my food."

"I was the same way with Christian" she says, "Well you know his... past. And... maybe," she shrugs, "It's all just meant to be." She comes around to give me another hug. "Now go find them before the others barrel in here too."

...

The three days in Aspen are sunny and relaxing. It is nice to be out of the city for awhile, especially after all that's happened. We take some short hikes and a gondola ride up the mountain.

Grace and I bond over our love of reading and children's literature. She tells me about her 27 years of teaching grade school, and I tell her about my job at the library. We all fly back to Seattle together on Sunday, and Christian walks me to the door of my building.

"Remember, Sawyer will pick you up here at 8:30."

I sigh. I know. I'm going back to work tomorrow, and I will have a driver and personal security. Part of me is relieved, the other part apprehensive. So much for blending back in after the attack.

"And Ana? One more thing..."

Oh God, what? I just look at him.

"Your boss knows you're pregnant."

 _Fuck_.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

I really can't blame Christian for telling Gail. When she called him, the paramedics had just arrived. And they asked if I had any medical conditions. It was the right thing to do, of course, but I hope she was discreet. I'll be getting enough attention at work as it is.

Christian walks me upstairs, pointing out the security cameras at the exterior door, the stairwell, and our apartment door. He assures me that the apartment has been swept, and that I'm safe. After promising not to leave without security, I go inside. The apartment is comfortable, and familiar, but surprisingly… it really doesn't feel like home anymore. _Home is with Christian_.

It turns out that Gail knowing and my personal security aren't my only issues. I might not even be able to go to work, because I have _nothing_ to wear. I've spent the last ten days in sweatpants and yoga pants, and it's let me live in denial. I want to wear my favorite black pants, but they won't zip all the way. Neither will my plum skirt. Or my navy skirt for that matter. I have a couple of flowy skirts that fit, but they're not really library-appropriate. I can zip my grey pants, which used to be too big, but they pinch around the waist.

Finally, I slip on my navy, polka-dot dress and it fits. Yay! But when I look in the mirror, it's definitely clinging around the middle. I have a small, but definite, bump. Same with my teal sweater dress - actually, it's even worse. I need to wear pants or a skirt where I can leave my shirt untucked… ohhh… I hear Kate come in. She's been visiting her – our – family over the weekend.

"Kate! In my room!"

She comes rushing in. "Ana! You're back... Are you okay?" She takes one look at me in my clingy sweater dress and grins. "Wow, Ana… you look…"

"I know!" I snap. "I can't wear this! I can't wear any of this stuff. It was all fine before, but now…." I cross my arms. Oh, I am pouting.

Kate takes in the piles of clothing and then pulls a large shopping bag from behind her back.

"What's in there?" I ask suspiciously.

"Clothes. For you… from Liz."

Oh no… no, no, no. I cannot wear those. "No, Kate… I cannot wear those yet! Everyone will know. I just need some bigger pants and I can wear my shirts untucked…"

Kate rolls her eyes. "Ana, please just try them… This is the early-stage stuff and they're not all… you know. It's really nice stuff. You know how Liz is about clothes."

I reluctantly take the bag from her and sigh, "All right. I'll try them, but..."

"Yay! I'll be in the living room. You can do a fashion show!" And she twirls out of the room.

Okay, I can do this… this is really nice of Liz and she does have good taste. I pull out the clothes and they look okay. Three pairs of dress pants, casual capris, two pairs of jeans. A few short-sleeved shirts - one grey with ruffles that's really pretty. A sheer, long sleeved black blouse with a built-in tank. Hmm... the pants are pretty normal looking - they just have some stretchy fabric at the top. I take off my useless dress and cast it aside. I slide on a pair of the blank pants and - oh, they are comfortable. I hate to admit it, but they are fantastic. The grey pants are the same and I put on the black blouse with them. The tank clings to me, but the blouse hangs loosely. I am comfortable and I look nice. Let's face it, these clothes are nicer than my regular clothes.

I walk out to the living room and do a little spin in front of Kate. I am grinning… I can't help it!

In the morning, a silver SUV is waiting outside. It's still an Audi, but smaller. The driver jumps out and opens the rear door for me. He's younger than Taylor with dark hair, and he's wearing a black Polo shirt and khakis. "Miss Steele, I'm Sawyer." I give him small smile and greet him, then slide into the rear seat. It's all leather, of course, and smells very new.

"I haven't seen this car before," I comment.

Sawyer smiles at me in the rearview mirror. "I believe it was just purchased - for you." Of course it was...

My return to work isn't _too_ bad. I don't have to wear my wrist brace anymore, and my bruises are pretty much faded. As far as everyone knows, it was a random attack. Security in general has been increased, and no one comments on the extra 'security guard' posted outside our department office. Or the fact that whenever I move around the building, or leave for lunch, he quietly follows me. Gail and I meet to discuss the week, and both of us stay pointedly on-task. I'm grateful when she gives me a pile of busy work to do, and I dig in, glad to get back into the swing of things.

On Wednesday, I dress carefully in the gray shirt with the ruffles and black pants. Christian is picking me up at 4:00, as I have my appointment with the midwife. When I walk out at the end of the day, he's waiting with the convertible. Yay!

"Hello, baby." He gives me a warm kiss and we turn to get in the car.

Matt from periodicals comes out just then. "Hey, Ana… wow, is that the new R8?"

I shrug and defer to Christian. I can appreciate a nice car, but they're not my thing. Matt and Christian shake hands and make introductions. I notice that Christian doesn't give his last name. They circle the car, talking in some foreign language about editions and engines. I just stand and grin at them. Boys and their toys... They are finished in a couple of minutes and Matt waves and heads off. We get in the car, and Christian hands me my cap and sunglasses. He eyes me critically while I put them on. "You look nice. Are those… I mean, are you wearing…"

I fold my arms and lean back into my seat, "No comment."

We arrive at Ravenswood and Megan is waiting for us, as bubbly as ever. This time, I am not so nervous and it feels more like a conversation, not an inquisition.

Until... "How have you been feeling? Still having some nausea? Any vomiting?"

"Um, some… mostly just nausea. It's not too bad. Just sometimes it's hard to think about food. Or smell food. Especially earlier in the day."

"Like how much of the day? First thing?"

"Um…" Where is she going with this? It hasn't been that bad. "Like until 4:00, and then I start to get hungry. And I usually eat a pretty good dinner."

I look up and they are both frowning at me. "She's, um, been under some stress," explains Christian. We give her a brief run-down of the past two weeks. Her eyes widen, but she seems satisfied that I was thoroughly examined at the hospital.

"Okay..." She says, furiously making notes. "What are you eating during the day for breakfast and lunch?"

"Um, whatever I can pack that sounds edible. Some fruit, some crackers, sometimes cheese. It depends."

She purses her lips. "Let's check your weight."

Uh oh…. I did not see this coming. I mean, I am obviously getting bigger… nothing fits! They don't look like I can distract them. _With_ _what_? The weather? So I stand up and follow Megan over to the scale and slide my shoes off. I don't want to look. "105 pounds… you've lost six pounds since last month, Ana." She purses her lips and Christian is still frowning. Uh oh, I thought I was doing so well. They are not happy with me.

Megan gives me a list of healthy, but higher-fat and protein foods. I think that I can eat some of these things and I have promised to try. Bagels with cream cheese, full-fat cottage cheese, avocado, nuts. Okay, yes, I can do this. She also reassures me that in a week or two, the queasiness should start to go away. I should have an appetite and my weight will start to go up. _Fabulous_.

We move on to not-so-touchy topics and I can breathe easier. She goes over my blood work, and it's all fine. I see Christian relax. Wait, was he nervous about it? I guess he would be… _after_ _Chelsea_. I shake my head to clear it and she's talking about the genetic screen on the baby, which is also fine. Good.

We go back into the room with all the fancy machines and this time she doesn't ask me to take my pants off - hooray! "You look like your uterus is up and above your pelvis now, so we should get a good look with the standard ultrasound." Wait, is she talking about my bump? Can she see it? Can everyone? Well, I guess she has a practiced eye… I blush and climb up on the table and lie back. She lifts up my shirt and and folds my pants down, inserting a paper cloth to cover the fabric. Then she grabs a bottle of gel. "I warmed this, so it shouldn't feel too bad." And she squirts it on my belly. Ooh… okay, it's fine. It's actually slightly warm.

Christian comes over and grips my hand and Megan starts to move her wand around my belly, down close to my pelvis, pressing in firmly. This time, the oval appears immediately and there it is again. This time, even I can tell that it's a baby. It's a real baby. _Our baby_. And I squeeze Christian's hand.

Megan starts chirping over it, "Okay… ooh look. The head, the torso, the arms and legs. And see this string of pearls?" I do see it. "That's the spine." Oh this is cool. The heart is beating away, more than a dot this time. Megan points out the four chambers and measures them. Then she measures a femur, the neck. And she points out the swallowing motions of the baby. Wow, so much change in four short weeks! I haven't done a thing, and this miracle has been taking place right under my skin. And suddenly, all that I've been stressing about seems unimportant.

"Okay, this all looks good! Genetic markers are clear, measurements are right on track. I think that if you've been waiting to tell people, you can go ahead!" Oh boy… Here we go again.

By the time we gather our new photos, make another appointment for four weeks from now, and head out to the convertible Christian is still grinning like a kid on Christmas Day. "Pretty amazing, huh?"

I can't help but smile back. "Yes, incredible." While he drives, I page through the pictures. Sweet little profile… hands waving, feet kicking… so tiny, but so detailed. This baby is getting more and more real… and I have a thought. "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

I look up at him and he shrugs, "Well, I guess I sort of picture it as a girl… maybe just because that's what I'm used to. But I guess I really don't know. What do you think?"

Hmmm… "I guess I haven't really thought about it. I don't have much to go on, so it's all just kind of… abstract." I say, "But it's getting more real every day."

We grab dinner at an outdoor cafe near his house, and it's still light out when we get home. But, by unspoken agreement, we don't stop until we are downstairs in the bedroom. "Christian, please..." I whisper.

He considers me for just a moment, but then pulls me in and kisses me deeply. He pulls back and says, "Let's take it slow. I want to enjoy every second of this." He skims my belly with his hand, feeling it's firmness. "I like this," he says. "I like it a lot." He lifts up my shirt, repeating the motion on my bare skin, then hooks one finger under the waistband of my pants. "Hmm.. stretchy... I thought so."

I blush. "Kate's sister - I mean, my - um, Liz gave me some clothes."

"That's nice, but I want to take you shopping. You're not getting out of it."

"Fine." I agree, "But right now… I want you to take me to bed."

We peel each other's clothes off, and I lie on my back on the bed. He stretches out beside me, on his side, and the feel of his skin is - ooh, heavenly. It's been _so_ long and my body is humming with need. He starts kissing me again- my mouth, my neck, down my breasts... Ah!

"Christian, please..." I beg again.

He smiles and I can feel him growing against my hip - Oh please... just...

"Spread your legs, baby," he says.

 _Oh thank goodness_...


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Christian's phone rings and jolts me awake. I glance at the clock... 6:27. Mmmm… He sits up quickly and grabs it. "It's the daycare." He listens to the recorded message, and then rolling eyes and rubbing his brow, hangs up.

"What is it?" I ask.

"There's a broken water main at their regular daycare. Most of the damage is in the basement, but they're closed today. They have alternate care at the YMCA, so I'll just have Connie and Molly drop them off there." He sighs, "Marissa won't be happy, but..."

"Why won't she be happy?"

"It'll be hectic, unscheduled... a bunch of kids thrown into the gym together." He shrugs, "Snow days are the same way and she... you know, hates that kind of thing."

"She likes control... just like her daddy." I smirk.

He grins. "Well, she comes by it honestly."

Suddenly, I have a thought. "Why don't you have them drop the girls off here? I'm off... we can have a girls' day in."

He looks skeptical. "Are you sure you want to do that? It's a long day, and you haven't... I mean..."

"You don't think I can handle them?" I ask.

"It's not that..." he begins, "Ana, I know full well that you can handle anything. It's just... well, whether you would want to... and..." he looks sheepish.

"What?" I ask, a little sharply. He doesn't trust me with his girls?!

"I want you to rest on your days off... take some time for yourself."

Oh. "Christian, I want to do it. And I'm fine... You can't treat me like I'm an invalid... Like I'm going to break." _Like Chelsea_.

He looks down and fiddles with an invisible thread on the comforter. "I know... I know you're not... It's just... hard for me. I want you here all the time, but I also don't want to overwhelm you."

Oh here we go... the big "M" talk. We have been skirting around this for weeks. "I know... we'll get to that, we'll figure it out. But for today, I mean... if I'm going to be in your lives... if we're going to be - you know - a family? Then I need to get used to caring for them - get used to handling it before this one..." I put a hand on my belly "...arrives."

He smiles and leans in for a kiss. "You dazzle me, Ana Steele... sometimes you seem so young, so innocent... then sometimes, just," he shrugs, "Wise beyond your years."

"I'm not so innocent anymore!" I joke. And we laugh. "And I keep thinking about the time with your tie and ...some of those - things - at Escala."

"In the playroom?"

I nod and blush, throwing my hands up to cover my eyes.

"Ana, you were so angry. You didn't seem like you would be into that at all."

"Christian, I was mad at you. For lying to me, for hiding it from me. But that doesn't mean I wasn't... turned on by some of it." And by what I saw online... Some of it was terrifying, but the bondage especially... that was pretty hot.

"'Some of it' being... what?"

I shake my head, still hiding.

"Ana. If you can't tell me..."

Fine... "The leather cuffs, the crops, and maybe the - um - smaller floggers."

I pull my fingers apart and open my eyes. He's leaning in, and a perfect sunbeam is hitting both of us. I see him frown and inspect the skin just below my armpit. Oh no. He traces the small circles with one finger... one, two, three, four.

He furrows his brow and looks at me, his mouth a thin line, and I squirm under his scrutiny. "Are these..."

Okay, Steele... out with it. He might as well know everything. "Cigarette burns," I sigh. "Part of what makes me wise beyond my years."

His face darkens. "From who? One of the foster homes?"

"No... no, I told you, those were fine." I pause, take a deep breath. "From my mother's pimp. For my... transgressions. Burning the soup, letting my mother sleep all day, making too much noise..." I shrug. "There are three more on the other side."

He leans over me, pulls my arm out of the way. "Oh baby, you were FOUR..." His voice is tragic - sad and angry mixed together. He kisses each circle, then returns to the first side, kissing those too.

Then he moves down and kisses my belly, skims his fingers along it. "How a mother can..."

"I know," I say, "Drugs, sex, sex for drugs... all of those just ate her up, and then they killed her."

"And somehow you rose up, out of those ashes." And then he kisses me, softly at first, then deepening it. The electricity starts to pulse... Suddenly he stops, pulls back, gets out of bed.

"Mmmm... don't..."

"Later," he promises. "I need to shower and call Connie." Then a slow smile crosses his face. "On second thought, I can be a little late today. Right now I think we should add to your list of firsts."

"You're keeping a list?"

He shrugs. "Maybe. And right now I want to fuck my hot, pregnant girlfriend in the shower." Before I can make a smart comment, he scoops me up, carrying me over his shoulder into the bathroom.

We're already naked from last night, so Christian dumps me straight into the shower, turning the cold water full-blast onto both of us. I shriek and laugh, finally relaxing as the water warms to steamy hot.

The water isn't the only thing that's steamy... Christian pushes me up against the back wall of the shower, his now-fully rigid erection digging into my belly - Ah! Oh this is... mmmmm.

"Reach up and grab the towel bar, baby," urges Christian. "Don't worry... it'll hold you." Hmmm... has he tested it out before? _Don't think about it_! I oblige and grab onto the bar.

Christian grasps my hips and lifts me, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He immediately positions himself and thrusts inside with one swift movement. Ah! It's so deep this way.

"Ah!" I gasp.

"Okay?" He asks.

"Yes... it's just so... mmmm."

He chuckles, "Deep, isn't it?" Then he starts to move. In this position, all it takes is him to flex his hips and we are off... building, building... and then I shatter - too quickly – and a million little pieces of me sprial down.

Christian thrust deeply once more and groans... " _Fuck_."

He pulls out and lowers me to the ground. I am not sure if I can even stand, I am so... ahhh. He chuckles again. "You got it?"

I nod. I cannot even speak.

"Okay, let's get you cleaned up. Nice thing about shower sex? Easy clean-up." He washes and conditions my hair - oh this is nice - then washes my body with a natural sponge and fragrant body wash. I shave myself while he washes.

"Let me do your hair," I say and grab the shampoo. I carefully wash and condition his hair. Then we rinse and we're done.

"Shower sex... _check_." He jokes.

He leaves to get dressed while I finish up. I pack up my things and hide them away. The girls don't really come down here, but still.

I just brought clothes for going home in, black yoga pants and a grey UW t-shirt. Ugh, the shirt is fitted and it's a little tight around the waist. I was just going to throw my jacket on over it.

Christian comes back in and catches me examining myself. He comes up behind me, kisses my neck, slides his hand across my t-shirt. "Mmm... I like." He says. "I don't want you to hide it away."

"Well you might like it, but... for today, I'm going to rummage through your closet for a shirt."

We go out and I find a plaid, flannel shirt in soft blues and grays. I button it down the front, leaving it to hang loosely, and roll up the sleeves. Perfect.

"Okay, all set?" He asks. "I talked to Connie and they'll bring the girls over at around nine. They're both on at 11:00. I suspect..." he pauses, "they're coming by early for coffee... and to be nosy."

I laugh, "No worries, the worst is over... I hope. I can handle them."

We head upstairs and he grabs his jacket, keys, and messenger bag.

"Have a nice day, dear." I say sweetly.

"It's been pretty great so far, darling." He grins. "For lunch if you… I think there's..."

I hold up my hands, "I've got it. I was valedictorian - as you like to point out - we will figure it out."

He grins, gives me a quick kiss, and he's out the door.

I wander into the kitchen... hmm... I've never been all alone in his house. _If things keep moving forward,_ s _oon it will be_ _my_ _house too_. I shrug. I mean, I could do worse...

I check the time. 7:45. I have just over an hour. Time for breakfast and COFFEE. I make a large pot of half-caff, pour a cup, and add some cream. I peel and eat a hard-boiled egg, then a banana. There are a couple of over-ripe bananas at the back of the bowl. Hmmm... yes! I will be domestic and use the extra time to make muffins for Connie and Molly.

I find all the ingredients for my favorite, whole-wheat banana walnut muffins and whip them up. They are just out of the oven and on the cooling rack when I hear them clattering across the deck... no doorbell needed!

I open the door and the girls come tumbling in along with a cool, fresh sea breeze. "Hi Ana!" chirps Ellie, grabbing me around the legs.

"Hi! I'm so glad we don't have to go to the Y!" enthuses Marissa, and she gives me a little side-hug.

Connie and Molly come in behind them. "Yep, it was so nice of you to come over today," teases Molly. Luckily, the girls are oblivious to her tone.

I blush, remembering the shower sex. "Um, it was no problem. Girls, run up and unpack your bags real quick."

"Come in, sit down..." I say. "I made coffee - it's half-caff - and some muffins."

"Don't mind if we do... it smells amazing in here." says Connie. And they sit at the breakfast bar, obviously at home here.

I pour them each a cup, bring the muffins over, set out plates and napkins. "Okay? Need anything else?" I ask.

"Nope, this looks great," says Molly, and they dig in. "It's so nice of you to take the girls today. How are you doing?"

"Fine," I answer. "How have you been?"

I know this is not the answer she's after, that they've heard what happened.

I lower my voice. "Everything's fine. I'm recovered, and everything's… right on track. Although they aren't happy with my weight," I say as I grab a muffin and slather it with butter. "Even though..." I smooth my hand over Christian's shirt, showing my little bump.

"Are you losing weight?" Connie asks, looking concerned.

"Some. So I am trying to eat more, and it's getting a little better." I shrug.

"You're how many weeks now?" She asks.

"Eleven weeks tomorrow. She said everything came back normal... with both of us, so we can tell people." I shrug again. "I was counting on another week or two." And we laugh.

I hear the girls come clambering back downstairs, so - thank goodness - that's the end of _that_ conversation.

I serve them up some muffins and orange juice and the girls start chattering away... _Safe!_

Connie and Molly finish off another round of coffee, and they stand up to go.

"All set for today, Ana?" asks Connie.

"Yes," I say emphatically. "We will figure it out. Right, girls?"

They say "Yes!" in unison and jump around. See? They have total confidence in me.

After giving hugs all around, they're gone. Phew! Finally, the girls and I are on our own. I check the time... 9:44. Just a few hours to fill in...

"What should we do first? Laundry? Toilets?" I tease.

"Nooooooo!" They yell. "Makeovers!" Oh boy...

Two hours later, we are all primped and styled and looking fine. We rummage through the pantry and decide on Mac 'n' Cheese and apple slices for lunch.

After lunch, we go through the DVDs and pick out the girliest movie possible: "American Girl: McKenna Shoots for the Stars," and snuggle in on the couch to watch it. We make some microwave popcorn and mix in some mini M&M's. Half of it ends up on the floor, but it's delicious. I doze through the second half of the movie, but I don't think they notice.

Christian texts to say when he'll be home, but I suspect he's checking up on us.

 _ **3:35**_

 _ **Hey baby,**_

 _ **I'll be home around 5:15.**_

 _ **Ok?**_

—

 **Yes, fine.**

 **We'll see you then.**

 **The girls have had a highly nutritious lunch and snack.**

 **Shall I make dinner, dear?**

—

 _ **That would be lovely.**_

 _ **Thank you, darling.**_

 _ **XO**_

—

After the movie, we play three rounds of Hi Ho, Cherry-o. The girls want to play again, so I leave them to it. I clean up the makeover and popcorn mess, then go see what I can make for dinner. I need something quick... I pull together ingredients for spaghetti with homemade meatballs, carrots on the side. I make the meatballs and put them in to bake while I clean up the lunch dishes. Phew! How do people do this all the time?

I'm just finishing up when Christian walks in. 5:14. Is he ever late?

"Hello darling," he says, coming up behind me at the stove. "This is nice..." he says, sneaking a hand up under my shirt. "Barefoot and... in my kitchen."

"Ha, ha." I say, playfully slapping his hand away. "Shhhhh... and hello dear, how was your day?"

"Looking up, Miss Steele," he whispers, kissing me lightly behind the ear.

We're interrupted by Ellie as she skips in, "Daddy!" and grabs him around the legs. Marissa follows her in and hugs her dad, looking shyly at us. She likes me on my own, but I know she's a little uncomfortable about seeing us together. Oh, I want to give her all the time she needs... you and me both, Marissa. But my little ticking time bomb is counting down.

Christian sends them upstairs to wash their hands. "I think we should tell them."

"Tonight?" Oh no. Don't panic. "I thought maybe this weekend. Marissa…"

He pulls me close. "I know, but we'll both be nervous knowing it's coming up. And this way, it can sink in before the weekend. And we can do something fun... maybe hike up to Tiger Lake? You know, before you get all fat and slow us down."

"Stop!" I slap him playfully again. Jeez, we are on a roll tonight. I take a deep breath, let it out. "Okay, But you're telling them."

"Deal. After dinner," he says. "I like your makeup, by the way. It's very... glittery." We laugh. And the girls are back.

After dinner, which they all eat with gusto, Christian asks us all to come into the living room. He sits next to me one side L-shaped couch and the girls scoot onto the other side. Ellie is bouncing up and down, but Marissa looks wary. Is this where she found out about her mother? Don't think about it! _Just breathe, Ana_.

Christian runs his hands along his thighs, takes a deep breath. "So," he begins. "I think you know that Daddy really likes Ana. And I think that you two like her too. Am I right?"

"Yes!" shouts Ellie and Marissa nods.

"So I wanted to know what you think about making Ana a part of our family."

"Yes!" shouts Ellie and Marissa nods again.

"Are you going to get married?" asks Marissa.

"Yes, I think so," says Christian. But then in a stage whisper says, "But I haven't asked her yet. Do you think I should?"

"Yes!" shouts Ellie. And Marissa nods again, finally smiling.

"You have to take her to a nice dinner and be romaaaaan-tic!" says Ellie.

"Okay, I'll think about it." teases Christian. "You'll have to help me come up with something." Finally, we all laugh. Oh, he's a good dad. He's good at this. "But that's not all..."

Uh oh... here we go. The familiar lump in my stomach is back.

"We're wondering how you feel about having a new baby - a new brother or sister - in the house."

"Yes!" shouts Ellie. Marissa doesn't nod this time. She just sits quietly, her eyes wide.

I can't take this. "Come here, Marissa," I say, patting the seat beside me.

She looks at me for a second, two... then slowly gets up and comes over to sit next to me. I put my arm around her. "Come here, Ellie, between me and your dad." Christian scoots over and Ellie snuggles in between us.

Ellie scrutinizes my middle. "Is the baby in your belly RIGHT NOW?"

"Yes," I chuckle. "Right now, and for another six months."

"SIX MONTHS?!" she whines. "That's too looooong!"

"Well, it's a long time, but it gives us all time to get ready for the baby. To get used to the idea..." I reach up and stroke Marissa's hair. "and babies need a lot of things. And we need your help picking them out. Will you help?"

"Yes!" says Ellie. And Marissa nods. Her smile is back. It's tentative, but it's back.

Whew! I think the worst is over, and the lump in my belly - at least the one from nerves - evaporates.

"I want to SEE the baby!" demands Ellie. We all laugh.

"Well you can't see it," I say. "But you can kind of feel where it is. And when it gets bigger, you'll be able to feel it move." Wow, I usually feel really awkward talking about this stuff - even thinking about it - but with Ellie... it's okay. I lift up the plaid shirt and put her little hand on my belly, on top of my t-shirt. "It's kind of a little bump right now, but it'll get bigger and bigger until the baby is ready to be born." Her eyes get wide when she feels it. Then she nods, satisfied.

"Taylor's mommy had a baby and she was THIS big!" She jumps up and staggers around, her hands clasped in a big circle in front of her.

"Okay, okay, enough!" laughs Christian. "Bath time, Ellie Bellie. And after baths, we'll drive Ana home."

Christian chases Ellie upstairs, giving me and Marissa a few minutes alone. I squeeze her shoulders. "I know, Marissa... I'm a little scared too." She looks up at me, eyes wide. "But not because I think anything bad will happen." I shrug. "You know your mom was sick, right?" She nods. "I'm not sick, I'm okay... but it's all new to me... having a baby, getting to know you and Ellie. I've never been a mom before. I'm going to need A LOT of help." She giggles and squeezes me back. I take her hand and raise my eyebrows. She smiles and nods, and I hold her hand on my stomach. And we sit, just letting it sink in.

After Marissa has her shower and they are both in pajamas, wet hair combed back, Christian announces that it's time to drive me home.

"Why?" asks Ellie. "You said she was part of the family now! I want her to put us to bed. Can't she sleep here?"

"Um..." says Christian. He looks uncomfortable. "Is that all right with you girls? If Ana sleeps downstairs with Daddy?"

They both nod emphatically. I don't think it's a big issue for them. They are chanting "Sleepover, sleepover..." They are excited, so... we just don't make it an issue, right?

"Unless Ana wants to go home... maybe she's tired of us by now..." he teases.

"I'm good." I laugh. "I'm up for a sleepover. I'm not tired of you, but I am tired..." I yawn dramatically. "So, teeth... stories... bed!" Now it's my turn to chase them.

We send Christian downstairs and the girls walk me through their bedtime routine. I suspect that five stories is not the norm, but I go with it.

Soon, they are snuggled in bed. I give them both kisses, wish them sweet dreams, and that's it! Bedtime... _check_!

I walk back down to the main area and the lights are dimmed. I find Christian down in the lower living area, drinking a bottle of beer. "Now this is the life..." he jokes.

I collapse on the couch next to him. Phew, this parenting thing is exhausting...

"FIVE stories?" He asks.

Hmm... I knew he was listening... I send Kate a quick text to let her know I am sleeping over again. Then I sigh and lay my head back... oh, what a day. Again.

"So you had a little talk with Marissa?" He asks.

"Yes, we talked about how her mom was sick already… how this is different. I admitted to her that I was scared, but not because I think anything bad will happen… just because it's all new… with the baby, with her and Ellie..." I shrug. "She promised to help me figure it all out." I look up at him and smile, but he's not smiling back. His face is wary. _What?_

"You haven't admitted to _me_ that you're scared… I mean, I know you must be, but you don't show it. I don't want you to feel like you have to put on a front for me."

"Christian, of course I am… and I know you're nervous too," I pause. "But we're scared for different reasons. And I think that's okay… you know? To be strong for each other. I know what you've got to be going through… but you've been nothing but reassuring and supportive. It's the same thing, isn't it?"

He considers this. "Yes, I guess you're right. And I'm not nervous… I'm petrified." But this time I can hear the smile in his voice. That's better. I snuggle into his side and he reaches up, takes my chin. "Let's make out."

I giggle. _Ooh, playful Christian_. This is a nice break after our serious conversation. He kisses me firmly, sliding his tongue in… teasing, needy. I answer back and soon we are really going at it. He pulls back and grins, "First base."

I giggle again. Oh my.

"Have you ever let anyone else get to first base?"

Oh really? He wants to go there? Yes, he does. "Um, yes… Brian Schafer, freshman dorm, kegger party… and… Mike Vincent… um, a few times… last year."

He raises his eyebrows, but then he unbuttons my - his - shirt, takes it off. Then he slides one hand up, under my t-shirt, pulling down my bra, squeezing and fondling. Ah! It radiates through my body and I am instantly soaked and pulsing. "Second base. Did either of them get to second?"

I squirm and blush, but he has me pinned down. "Mike. Once."

He smiles slowly, then slides his hand down, inside my pants, all the the way in… _there_. Mmmm…

"Third base. Did either of them…"

"No!" I interrupt him with fake horror at the idea. "I'm not that kind of girl."

He chuckles and moves his hand back up, exploring my torso, skimming my bump. "But Miss Steele, what's this? Are you…" It's his turn for fake horror, "pregnant?"

I suppress yet another giggle and try to look sober. "I've been… soiled. Does this mean you don't want me?" I pout.

"No." He says gruffly. And he pushes me down onto the couch, tugs my pants and underwear off in one, swift motion. He undoes his pants, sliding them off his hips, positioning himself over me. "Oh I want you. This is hot." And he slams into me. "Home run." He thrusts urgently, desperately and within seconds we are both climaxing. Oh, making out _is_ hot! I sigh… contented, and sink back onto the couch.

The next thing I know, Christian is kissing me awake. Mmmmm... no... just leave me. "Come on, sleepyhead," he urges, "time for bed." He nudges me more insistently. "And you have to walk. You're getting too heavy..."

Oh no. That's it! I pop up and glare at him. "You didn't have a problem this morning!" I hiss.

He chuckles, "Well that was... adrenaline. I had needs. I needed you in that shower." I giggle, finally awake and in a better mood.

I scoot into his closet, grab a white t-shirt and a pair of gray boxer briefs, head for the bathroom. I use the toilet, slip on his clothes, and go to brush my teeth, glancing in the mirror.

 _Ohh_ , I forgot about the makeover. My face is very colorful and sparkly and my hair is in a messy, high ponytail. I roll my eyes and Christian comes up behind me and laughs. I can't believe we had 'the talk' and… you know… and I looked like this. Oh well…. I scrub my face, take down my hair, and go crawl into bed.

I feel Christian join me a few minutes later and I hold up one hand. "Don't even think about it."

He chuckles and pulls me close. And I drift...


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

 _Christian_

 _On Monday, Detective Clarke calls to inform me that Ana's attacker - a Joseph Alan Wright - has been granted parole. And there is still no trace of Leila. WSDOT footage shows her getting on the ferry in Seattle and off the ferry at Bremerton - on the Olympic Peninsula - on the day Ana was attacked. Since then, there has been no trace of her. Because Wright didn't actually rape or kidnap Ana, they can't hold him any longer. I have my people digging up whatever they can on the two of them, but it's not much. Leila doesn't have any school records past the age of ten, and she's not in the DCFS system. She entered the BDSM network at eighteen and became a submissive. She is now twenty-eight._

 _I close my eyes and think of Leila - smart, extremely flexible, well-trained - and try to come up with a reason why she would do this. Of course she wanted more - so did a few of the others. But that's the thing with this lifestyle - either party can terminate the contract at any time, for any reason. Technically, the contracts aren't legally binding. Yes, I should have been less abrupt, less cold. But I was running on pure emotion and instinct that night. And now the only thing to do is move forward. I can only hope that Leila's intention was to spook Ana, scare her away from me. But deep down, I feel like it isn't over._

 _I call Taylor and update him, have him tighten up security. All I can do is keep Ana safe and hope that Leila doesn't try anything else._

 _Ana continues to surprise me. She may be more adventurous than I originally thought. Can we somehow combine the two? A family life plus... Now my mind is filled with new images - Ana shacked to the grid, spreadeagled on the leather mattress, her slender wrists in leather cuffs. Yes, I have some ideas..._

Ana

Christian told me that my attacker was released, and I am a little on edge all week. I keep wanting to check over my shoulder, but I know Sawyer is there keeping watch. Security is tight, and I try to focus on work and keep my mind occupied. Christian has to go to Portland for work on Wednesday and Thursday, but we have the whole weekend to ourselves. The girls are with Kathy and Molly.

When Sawyer and I walk out on Friday, both the convertible and SUV are waiting. Christian is leaning against the convertible - looking his usual delicious self. He's still wearing his gray work pants, but his white shirt is open with the sleeves rolled up. He grins and pulls me into a kiss, one hand resting on the side of my belly. "Sawyer can ride with Taylor. You're coming with me."

We slide into the low car and Christian pulls into the evening traffic. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"I thought we'd eat outdoors - down by the water tonight. I managed to book an outdoor table at Ivar's."

The outdoor eating area at Ivar's is charming - there's a little dock alongside where people can tie up their boats and come ashore to eat. "That looks like fun," I say.

"Well, my sailboat's a little big for it, but we could anchor out sometime and come in on the dinghy."

"You didn't tell me you have a boat," I tease.

"An oversight," he smirks.

Dinner is fabulous - fresh salmon with new potatoes and asparagus. We share a lemon tart for dessert. The weather is great, the atmosphere is fantastic. But I can see that Christian is getting more and more restless as dinner progresses. He's actually fidgeting! He finally folds his hands in his lap and presses them between his thighs. He's nervously chatty, but he has trouble keeping eye contact.

"What is it?" I finally ask. "Do you have something to tell me? Something new with the investigation?"

He shrugs. "No, just a crazy day."

"Is work okay? You hardly ever talk about it."

"Oh, yes... nothing bad. Sorry, just lots on my mind," he says.

We finish up and he pays, then holds out his hand. "Take a walk with me?"

We head down the waterfront. We are north of where the food trucks park, walking in the opposite direction as last time. This thought distracts me from Christian's mood, and sure enough... there's the little park with our bench.

"Oh!" I say, and walk over to it, sitting down.

He sits down too, but doesn't touch me. He just wrings his hands and clears his throat.

What is it about this bench? I keep silent, because I know he's building up to something. And after his behavior at dinner, I feel like it can't be good. I get a surge of butterflies, and mixed with dinner, they make me a little queasy, but I force myself to sit still.

He clears his throat again. "Ana, I know your body's changing and that you feel self-conscious about it."

Um, where is he going with this? He said he liked it.

"And I got to thinking about it," he says, "And I thought maybe you'd feel better if you were wearing this." He pulls a small, red leather box out of his pants pocket. And then he slides off the bench onto one knee.

Oh. My. God. I just stare at him.

"But," he continues, "it's not really about that. It's not about what people think, or the girls, or our families... or even about the baby. It's about the two of us, and how we feel. And moving forward and building a life together."

I am speechless, frozen. _Holy shit_.

Finally, he opens the box and looks up at me. I look in his eyes first and they are full of hope - and love. Then I look down at the not-so-small diamond ring inside the tiny box. "Ana, will you marry me?"

That does it. My hands fly to my mouth and I start to cry. I cannot even speak, just nod. He grins and I finally squeak out a "Yes!" He slides the ring on my finger and that's it - we're engaged!

We walk back to the car, holding hands. We even stop for a couple of selfies on the way, with the Sound and Olympic Mountains in the background. Us kissing, me holding up my hand with the ring. It's sweet and wonderful. Then we head home to celebrate.

At around 8:45 PM, I wake from my post-coital nap. My eyes fly open. We're engaged! I want to tell people!

I nudge Christian. "Can I text Kate? Are you going to tell your family? Do they know? When did you even decide?"

He laughs. "Um, yes, you can text her. Yes, we can tell them together... they don't know. And I decided this week for sure, when I was in Portland. After all, there's no sales tax in Oregon."

I grin and give him a playful slap, then text Kate.

8:51 PM

Kate, you won't believe it!

...

 _Ana, seriously._

 _I will believe anything at this point._

...

Look!

...

I attach one of the selfies and a close-up of my ring.

...

 _OMG. That is a fantastic rock._

 _Congratulations!_

 _Celebrate next week?_

 _I promise not to get you drunk ;)_

...

Thank you!

Yes, sounds fantastic.

Until then..

X

...

I fall asleep again, a stupid grin still on my face.

The next thing I know, sunlight is streaming in... Mmmm. I don't want to get up, but my bladder insists on it. Ugh. I check the time - 7:48 - and no sign of Christian. I use the bathroom and get dressed, then head upstairs. I can hear a game on, so I stop in the kitchen and grab a cup of COFFEE with cream. Maybe I can doze while he watches...

I go into the living room and there he is... surrounded by clothes. There are piles of small, bright clothing. He looks up and smiles, "Welcome to my glamorous life."

I giggle. "Can I help?"

"Sure," he says, but he sounds distracted. He's staring at me.

"What?" I look down at myself. I'm wearing one of his white, v-neck t-shirts and a pair of my own sleep shorts. And I can guess why he's staring. Ohh... his t-shirts used to hang loosely on me, but now I can clearly see... everything. My nipples and little bulge are all straining against the thin fabric.

"You look beautiful," he says softly. Then he gets up and walks over to me, his eyes darkening with every step. He grabs my left hand, raises it to his mouth, and kisses my ring finger. He takes my coffee and sets it on a side table. "And you're _mine_."

"I'm yours," I whisper.

With that, he shoves me up close to the back of the couch. Oh! He grabs my shorts and panties, pulling them down and off in one swift motion.

"Grab on to the back of the couch, Ana," he says hoarsely. "Don't let go."

I feel the ridge of his erection rub against me, through the rough fabric of his sweatpants. Mmmm... He urges my legs apart with his foot, shoves down the front of his pants, and then pushes suddenly inside me - Ah! It surprises me, but my body is ready... He thrusts violently again and again, and I hold on tight to the back of the couch. Within a minute we are both climaxing, and it's over. I sink to the floor, my legs trembling.

As soon as I can manage it, I pull my panties and shorts back on. Christian helps me up, leads me to the front of the couch this time. I am a little breathless and more than a little wet between my legs. Christian, of course, looks completely unruffled and has returned to folding laundry.

I roll my eyes at his return to calm domesticity. I take a sip of coffee, let my breathing return to normal, and ask again, "So can I help?"

"Sure," he says, pointing to the pile closest to me. "Those are Ellie's pants."

I put down my coffee and pick up the pair on top. They're like my jeans... but they're tiny and glittery... tiny glitter jeans! "Wow," I say, "they're so... cute. So tiny."

He chuckles, "Wait until you get to fold baby clothes."

I freeze. No, no, no... I can't go there. "Christian..." I whine.

He sees my face. "Okay, but I still want to take you shopping - for maternity clothes? Soon?"

I nod. Ugh, I don't like to shop. "Now be nice, or I won't help you with this mountain of tiny laundry anymore." And we laugh.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

On Monday morning, I walk in to work - Sawyer trailing me as usual - plunk my stuff down, and switch on my computer. I use the bathroom and go to the kitchen to put my food in the fridge and fill my water cup. Hannah is at the counter making coffee, and Charlie from science fiction is taking something out of the microwave. I see it and smell it at the same time. Melted cheese and spicy chorizo sausage... _Oh no_.

My stomach flips and clenches and I know I am going to lose it. I put my hand over my mouth and scurry out, back to the bathroom, where I hurl spectacularly into the closest toilet. I stay kneeling for a minute and I think I'm done. I'm okay. I didn't even have time to check and see if there was anyone else in here. I was zeroed in on making it to the toilet. Luckily, I am alone. I go to the sink, rinse my mouth, and wet a paper towel. Jeez, I am sweating all over. I quickly wipe off my face and neck and hear the bathroom door creak open slowly.

"Ana?" It's Hannah. "Are you okay?" She comes all the way in and stands next to me. We eye each other in the mirror. Hannah is probably my closest friend at work - if you could even call us friends. It's still so new, and I have been so wrapped up in the newness of my job, and Christian of course.

I see her eyes widen as she spots my ring. _Oh shit_. I had forgotten all about that! I got engaged over the weekend!

"Ana! Is that a RING? Okay, I know you were not wearing THAT last week."

I laugh. Hannah is so easy to talk to - and like Kate, she has no filter. "Yes… it is. I mean, yes… I got engaged, um, Friday night. And it was _fabulous_!" And we start to giggle and she admires my ring. I don't know much about jewelry, just enough to know that it's not small and it's very pretty. And very sparkly.

"Wow, that thing must be 2 carats, and there are smaller ones on the sides! And a platinum band… Girl, someone is treating you RIGHT." And we giggle again, but then she sobers. "But you're happy, I mean… he's all that?"

"Yes, of course… I know I haven't talked much about him. You know, I'm so new here… and he's so…well it's been intense. It's all just been overwhelming." Oh no, I am going to cry. No, no, no… I'm fine. "Thanks Hannah… Okay, I better get to work. And you should go have your coffee."

She turns to go, and then looks back at me. "Did I tell you that I have a four-year-old daughter?" _What?_ This is news to me. Hannah is not much older than me. I knew she was married, but…

"Yep, she grins. I 'had' to get married at nineteen. And it's been the best thing ever." And she's gone.

I head back to my desk - I am not going to risk going back into the kitchen for my water cup - and get to work. I try to settle down and concentrate, but I keep remembering bits and pieces of the weekend. _Our engagement... celebrating our engagement... our little encounter behind the couch... some sticky fun with a container of Ben & Jerry's vanilla... and that tie again..._ Mmmm... Just thinking about it makes me... and I rub my wrists.

"Ana?" It's Hannah bringing me my water cup. I thank her and we smile warmly at each other, but she doesn't linger.

At noon I decide to take a real lunch break and go to the corner deli for a whole-wheat bagel and cream cheese. Deciding to eat it there, I perch on a bar stool in the window. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sawyer buy a sandwich and sit at a table. He sits where he can see both me and the door. Needing a distraction, I pull out my phone and text Christian. He's been hounding me about my eating, and other than this morning, I've been feeling a little better.

12:12 PM

Just reporting that I am eating a bagel.

With cream cheese.

It's not bad.

XO

...

 _Good girl._

 _Now stop texting and EAT._

 _;)_

...

I can eat and text.

Multitasking is an important skill.

For librarians. And mothers :)

...

 _Fine._

 _Having a good day?_

...

Well… first of all I smelled someone's nasty nachos.

I barely made it to the bathroom.

And I am pretty sure Hannah knows now.

Then she spotted my ring…

Ugh.

...

 _Sorry baby._

 _Hang in there._

...

Will do.

Bagel is gone.

Lunch break over.

Later baby.

XX

...  
 _Later_

 _Love you XO_

...

While texting, I _have_ managed to finish my entire bagel. I grab the rest of my bottle of sparkling water and head back to work. The rest of the day slips by. Hannah has spread the news around the office - prompting just about everyone to stop by my desk to congratulate me and admire my ring, including Gail, how embarrassing! I am not entirely comfortable with all the attention, but I grin and bear it. Get used to it, Steele! It's only going to get worse. In spite of this, I have managed to drink several cups of water and eat my apple. _There_. No one can complain about my eating today!

...

Gail and I have a regular 9:00 Friday morning meeting, so I fetch coffees for us and head to her office. I have resolved that is this is the day - I am officially thirteen weeks, and it's time for us to finally talk about it. I know that she knows - has known since the attack - but neither of us has brought it up. She's always enthusiastic and professional whenever we speak, but sometimes I notice her watching me.

She's peering at her computer screen when I reach her doorway, but she smiles and waves me in. Her office isn't large, but she has a small coffee table and two upholstered chairs for informal meetings. I set down the coffees and my binder and settle into one of the chairs while she finishes up. I'm wearing my usual hide-my-bulge work attire - maternity pants, a long shirt over a camisole, and a cardigan. It's not the most attractive, but it seems to do the job... so far. She finishes what she's been working on and comes over, taking a seat and thanking me for the coffee.

We dive right into work talk - we are both passionate about our jobs, and our visions and priorities match up well. We would both like have a small stage built, with puppets and some sort of theater workshops. We'd also like to expand the current story hour schedule to make it more friendly for working parents. Hmm… _This will be my reality soon..._

We finish up with details about the upcoming calendar, some tweaks to the website, and I make notes. It's my job to handle the small stuff and assist with the big stuff. Finally, we wrap it up and she sits back, looking me straight in the eyes.

"You've been here over a month now, Ana. How are you liking it?"

"Oh, I love it... it's my dream job," I gush.

"Are you being treated well? Are you happy here?"

Um... Oh, he butterflies are back. Where is she going with this?

"Of course. It's just..." I look down at my fingers. I'm fidgeting. Stop fidgeting! "I wonder if people are starting to suspect... I mean, because of my sudden, um, engagement and the way I... look?"

I look up and she nods, encouraging me to continue. She's going to make me say it. Why am I still so shy about this?

"And what you're saying is that... people might suspect that there's a reason?"

"Yes," I say.

"Like a small reason that you're not going to be able to hide much longer?"

"Yes," I say. Okay, out with it. "Well you know I'm pregnant - um, three months - due in January," I rattle off. I look up and she's smiling - it's a little tight, but it's there.

"Okay," she says. "You're done... you've fulfilled your obligation - employee to boss. Now, can we speak off the record? Woman to woman?"

"Of course," I say.

"I have two daughters... she says. "They're twenty-two and twenty-four. So, as a mother, I've been worried about you. You're a bright young woman, and you're doing a wonderful job here. But, I can tell you're stressed - and not just because of the attack - you seem very... overwhelmed."

"Oh!" I say, "I'm sorry... I didn't realize..."

"Ana," she says, "Are you safe? Are you in a good relationship? Are you okay financially… you know, to have this baby?"

Crap! Oh now I feel bad...

"Yes," I say, "absolutely... um, he's great - he's a bit older and financially… um, stable. He has two amazing daughters and this whole - life. It's a lot... and I am just trying not to get... swallowed up by it all."

She doesn't look satisfied. She thinks he's some sort of bully. I am not explaining this well. How can I...

"It's Christian Grey," I blurt out. "I'm engaged to Christian Grey."

That does it. Her jaw drops, and finally she's the one who's lost for words. "Oh! I see... that's..."

"A lot," I say. And we laugh - finally! "So does that give you an idea of where I'm coming from? He's wonderful… all of it is, but very… intense."

"Oh my, yes," she says, "I can see how he would be... oh my." She blushes and I can see that she's been charmed by Christian Grey a time or two. And we laugh again.

"It's not that I've wanted to... hide my personal life. It's just new... and I wanted to keep things separate for a little while. To establish myself here. And if it wasn't for…" I gesture to my belly, "we could have happily dated..." I shrug, "indefinitely. But now... our worlds are colliding."

"Yes," she says, "you were absolutely right to establish yourself first."

"When I applied for this job..." I shrug. "And by the time I interviewed, I had just found out and I was nervous - and nauseous. And then I had to walk past that plaque in the archway... I feel like I wasn't completely honest. I mean, this is not how I envisioned the start of my career..." Oh no, no… I am not going to cry.

"Ana," she says, "absolutely not. No one is allowed to discriminate against you for having a baby - even if you've just started a job - it's against your rights."

Oh. Well that's something. "Thank you, Gail." I say, and take a deep breath. "Well, that went - better than expected. I think I'll tell everyone else tonight." I get up and gather my things. "Oh," I say, "Christian's coming, so that should be fun." We grin and I start to leave.

"Oh and Ana? Congratulations," she says warmly.

"Thank you," I say, and head back to my desk.

...

We've all made plans to meet at Lori's Bar, which has an outdoor beer garden with a great view, at 5:30. Christian picks me up in the convertible - _yes!_

"Hello baby," he says, kissing me warmly and giving me my cap and Ray-Ban's. Oh it's a beautiful day for this! Sometimes having a boyfriend - um, fiancé! - with money is pretty great. "How'd it go?"

"Hello," I say, "and it was great... she was great. I'm going to come clean with everyone else tonight."

"Well, let's go then," he says, and revs the engine - just a bit - as we pull into traffic.

It's not a long drive, but traffic is a little heavy, so we arrive a few minutes late. I can see everyone at a big table in the beer garden. They look up when they hear the distinctive purr of the sports car, as Christian pulls into a space right against the fence.

I take a minute to smooth my hair, re-do my ponytail, check my make-up... I was on a high all afternoon, but now the butterflies are back.

"Okay?" He asks, "Just breathe, Ana."

I look over and of course he is all yummy with his light blue linen shirt and gray chinos. Ugh, I feel frumpy in my oversized shirt, cardigan, and polyester pants. Maybe I should have thought to change... into what? A cute little sundress? Nope.

I nod. "Let's go." We get out and I give a little wave to my co-workers, who are all staring, of course. We make our way through the restaurant and out to the beer garden.

"Hi, everyone," I say, "this is Christian, my fiancé..."

I work my way around the table, making introductions, starting with Gail. He shakes her hand firmly, "Christian Grey... nice to meet you." She keeps her cool - after all, she was warned. But the rest of the girls are simpering, the guys a little guarded.

The waitress comes up, asks what we'd like. She cards me - you have to be twenty-one to even be in the beer garden - and I blush. Christian orders a bucket of beers to replenish the one on the table. I ask for a sparkling water with lime.

She brings our drinks, and I trace the lip of my glass with my finger - _stupid water!_ I bite my lip. Why isn't anyone talking? They were all laughing and having a good time before we got here. Oh well, here goes...

I clear my throat, "Well... I told Gail this morning, and I think everyone has probably already figured it out, but yes - we're having um, a baby."

I look up and see a mix of expressions, but none of surprise, really. Most of the girls are smiling, most of the guys look uncomfortable.

Julie from accounting finally breaks the silence. "Congratulations, you guys... really, that's... great. I wish you all the best."

The rest of them chime in, most of the guys just kind of mumbling. And they toast us - a bunch of bottles of beer and my water.

"So when's the big day?" asks Laura from advertising.

I grin. Something to break the ice... "Which one? Every day seems to be a big day lately."

They all laugh. Finally!

"Well, we don't have a wedding date... but soon? I'm talking Christian into just going to the courthouse... and the baby's due in January. And today... I'm just happy that I can stop wearing all these layers! I'm really warm..."

They laugh again and I peel off my cardigan, then unbutton my shirt, revealing my little bump. Christian leans over and kisses me softly on the cheek, skimming my belly with his thumb. Phew! It's over... and I survived.

Finally the conversation moves on - to sports - Christian is in his element, and I am out of the loop. I just sit back and soak up the sun. Ahhhh...

...

The following Thursday, as usual, I take the bus to the apartment after work. I've been spending more and more time with Christian, but Thursdays are our official 'girls' night in.' Kate isn't home yet, so I stretch out on the couch. _Ahhh,_ my back is stiff and it's comfy, familiar here. I turn on my side and pull up my knees, stretching my back some more. And I drift...

"Ana," it's Kate's voice. "Ana..."

"Hmmmm..." I crack my eyes and there she is, all gorgeous and grinning widely. Oh, it's not fair.

"There you are... you were OUT..."

I sit up and mumble, "Sorry..." and I yawn. Why is it that naps always make me feel worse? I am so groggy.

"Hey sleepyhead... I'm starving. What should I order? Chinese? Pizza? Indian?"

"Indian," I say emphatically. And she skips off to order. I really want to lie back down, but she won't be happy with me. Best to get moving. I heft myself off the couch, joining her in the kitchen.

"Ohh Ana..." she says, getting a good look at me.

"I know," I say, looking down. "Fourteen weeks... It's getting... harder to deny." I am wearing a short-sleeved, light pink top and gray pants. The top isn't clingy, but it shows enough.

"Ana, you have got to tell Mom and Dad. You can't keep putting it off. You can't just show up there in a few months with a big belly... and Liz already knows, of course..."

"I know, I know... okay," I say.

"Good!" She claps her hands. "Mom wants to know if we can all come to dinner on Saturday night. She's dying to meet Christian - again - now that he's your fiancé..."

"I know," I say again. "I'll text him in a bit and check, but it should be fine."

The doorbell rings... FOOD! And I am saved by Tandoori chicken and garlic naan. Yum!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

On Saturday evening, Christian and I pick up Kate and we head to her - our - parents' house in Montesano. It's about an hour drive, and it's a beautiful night. Kate has finally forgiven Christian, and she's her usually chatty self. Fine with me! Once Mom and Dad know, I can relax. All of the major parties involved will be up to date.

We pull up to the familiar house - all dark wood and set in the trees - _home_! This is the house - the people - where I came into my own, gained the confidence I needed to face the world. And now... I can't shake the feeling that they're going to be disappointed in me.

We get out and Kate gives me an encouraging squeeze around the shoulders. Christian puts one hand at the small of my back - mmm, I love that - and we make our way inside.

We're greeted by an exuberant Charlie - seventy pounds of yellow lab, then Mom and Dad - Carla and Ray - and Liz and her husband, Mike. Mike is holding their 10-month-old daughter, Olivia. Oh, baby… she is chubby, apple-cheeked, and very - _wet_. Her little fist is in her mouth and the front of her shirt is soaked. I haven't been up close to a baby since... hmmm. I coo over her and tickle her tummy. They explain that Ethan's out for the evening. The way they say it, I know it's with a girl. Everyone congratulates us on our engagement - admires my ring.

"I know it was quick... I should have come to tell you in person... I'm sorry..." They brush off my apologies, just happy that I'm happy. _Family._..

We make our way through the main living area and out onto their large deck. The Kavanaghs aren't wealthy, but they're comfortably upper-middle class. Their house is large and tasteful, and the deck is like a second living room in the trees.

Mom offers to take our jackets, but of course I decline, gripping my thick polar fleece zip-down. Thank goodness it's a bit chilly up here. We settle into the outdoor seating area and Dad fills drink orders. I join Liz - who's still breastfeeding - in having a lemonade.

"So Ana..." Mom begins, "We haven't heard much from you lately. How's your new job? What have you and Christian been up to?"

"Well, the job's great - I love it," I begin, and fill them in on some of the details.

"And when can we expect to hear wedding bells? A Spring wedding, maybe? You know I'd love to help..."

"Um," I say, looking at my hands, "I think we want to get - things - done a bit sooner than that... maybe in a month or two? We were thinking just the courthouse... um, because I'm - we're - expecting?" I finally look up. They're surprised, of course, but maybe… not in a bad way?

Mom recovers first and she jumps up, coming over to hug me. I stand up and hug her back, and she pulls me in tightly. "Oh my Ana," she says, and I know she can feel my belly, that she can tell I didn't just find out. "Oh honey, were you afraid to tell us?"

I nod and look down, fighting off tears. "I didn't want to disappoint you... after all you've done..."

Now it's Dad's turn to hug me. He doesn't pull me in quite as tight - men! But he smiles warmly and wipes the tears out of the corners of my eyes.

"Ana," Mom says, "You have always been your own person, known your own mind. You could never disappoint us. And if you're happy..."

"Yes," I say emphatically. "Maybe a bit - overwhelmed - but very, very happy." We all grin then they hug Christian. Then Liz and Michael hug us - Michael's are a one-armed squeeze with Olivia in tow - and Liz whispers "Good job...you did it! And you look great."

"Thanks," I whisper back, "and thanks for the clothes."

"Well keep them for me, because..." she rolls her eyes and touches her belly briefly, then puts a finger to her lips.

"No!" I whisper back, in shock. And we giggle. Oh Mom and Dad will be rolling in grandbabies...

Mom is back, hands on her hips, teasing, "Now, how long until we get to see our new grandchild? And let me see this belly!"

I laugh and unzip my jacket. She admires my bump and gives it an affectionate pat. She's always been very warm, familiar. And it was good for me, drawing me out of my shell.

We all sit back down. "Well," I say, "I'm fourteen weeks already... so mid-January. And you can have all the snuggles you can handle." We laugh and then she sobers.

"Ana, how old am I?"

Um, I am not sure...

"I'm forty-nine. And how old is Liz?"

I know this. She's almost six years older than me. "Twenty-seven," I say. Oh! "Wait, you were twenty-two?"

"Yes," she says. "Dad and I were married fresh out of college. Therefore was a reason why we had a June wedding that year..." We all smile. Baby Elizabeth... born in November. And I know you feel like it's a stigma - yes, it's a little different now - but," she shrugs. "Everyone does things in their own time. We were sensible and waited five years for Kate, and then Ethan surprised us two years later... And then _you_ came into our lives." She shrugs again. "And it's all worked out pretty great for us." We laugh again. Yes, it has!

Finally the conversation rolls on to other topics. Christian's work... Mike's work... fly fishing... _yawn_. Christian proudly scrolls through photos of the girls, and our ultrasound images - wait, he took pictures of those, saved them on his phone? My heart swells - Oh this man!

I scoot in and look at them too - I haven't seen them in awhile - and I look at them through their eyes:

Steele, AnastasiaM

MA: 21 yrs

FA: 10w5d

And there's our baby... snub-nosed profile, string-of-pearls spine, tiny hands and feet. _Our baby. Their grandchild._

After dinner, we all head out on a nearby trail to walk Charlie... and to walk off the cherry cheesecake. Mike has Olivia in a special baby backpack... so much baby gear!

After awhile, Mom and I slow our pace, dropping back. I can tell she wants a quiet conversation.

"He's completely smitten with you," she gushes. "He hasn't stopped watching you - or touching you - all night. And I can tell you feel the same way... you're positively glowing!"

I blush. "Yes, it's been... amazing. Overwhelming, but... really, really good." I pause. "I know that you know that... I haven't really... before. And I don't want you to think that he... took advantage."

"I don't think that," she says. "I know you wouldn't have... you know, if you didn't trust him."

"That's the thing... I trusted him immediately. And he trusted me. And we both... well, we were overtaken." I shrug. Okay, far enough... "We thought we were being careful... but obviously..." I gesture to my belly.

"It happens," she says, "to the best of us." And we laugh. "Now. I want you to come back to see us... and often. And next time, bring those gorgeous girls!"

I laugh. "We will. We won't wait so long next time... promise!"

"So will you find out what you're having?" she asks.

"Yes," I say. "I think I've had enough surprises for now." And we laugh.

…

On Wednesday, Christian picks me up for our regular date night in his giant SUV. Sawyer joins Taylor in the smaller vehicle. It's cooler and rainy - no outdoor dining or walks along the water tonight.

"What do you want to do?" He asks.

"You know what I want to do, Christian." I have been hinting about it for weeks.

He sighs. "Last time we went to Escala, you were so angry with me."

"Last time was different," I say softly. "Christian, I feel like... there are things that you are used to getting. From women. And I don't want..."

"Ana," he interrupts. "I am completely satisfied by what we have."

"I know," I say, "and I believe you. For now. But I'm worried you won't stay that way. And," I smile, "I want to try. For you _and_ for me." I reach over and run my hand up his thigh, toward his..."

"Okay, okay." He laughs, "You win. Convincing as always, Miss Steele. Escala it is."

After a light dinner of antipasto and salad, he takes my hand and we walk upstairs to the playroom door. "Are you ready?" He asks.

I nod. My heart is racing, adrenaline surging through me, but I'm ready.

He undresses me, until I am just in my black lacy panties. "Wait here." He says. "Eyes down."

Where is he going? I stand and stare at the polished wood floor, inhale the scent of the room. It smells like citrus and something richer... musk?

I hear Christian return, padding toward me on bare feet. He stops in front of me and I can see that he's bare-chested, wearing a pair of ripped blue jeans. Mmmmm... I like them.

"You're not my submissive, so we don't have a contract," he says. "But I'm going to test your limits, so you need to remember a couple of safe words."

"My limits?" I squeak. "For pain?"

"No Anastasia," he says. "For pleasure. It's going to be very intense, so if you're close to what you can handle, you should say 'yellow.' And if you want me to stop, you should say 'red.' Do you understand?"

Oh my. "Yes."

"Come," he says, and leads me over to a wide, round table. It's very solid-looking, and there are brass rings attached every foot or so around the wide lip.

Anticipation hums through my body. What is he going to do?

He leaves again and comes back again with four coils of silky, red rope and a shorter piece of red satin. He places all of it on the table.

"I like this table," he says, "It's very solid, and just the right height."

The right height for what?

"I miss fucking you from the front," he says.

"But we make love from the front all the time," I say, confused.

"Quiet," he says in a low voice. "I'm not talking about making love… or being careful... I'm talking about fucking. Hard."

 _Oh._

With that, he removes my panties, then grabs me and lifts me onto the table. "Close your eyes," he commands.

I do and I feel him blindfolding me. I open my eyes again, but I can't see anything.

"Lie back, knees up, arms above your head," he says.

I comply and I feel him adjust me, so that my butt is right up against the edge of the table. Then I feel him bind my wrists, then my ankles.

I pull against the bindings. They don't chafe too badly, but I am secure… and completely exposed. I feel him trace along my body with his fingers - my throat, my breasts, down and over my belly, along my leg to my foot. I feel him bite my big toe. Ah! I squirm and manage to wiggle my hips, lift my pelvis.

"Hold still," he warns. "Don't move, just feel."

He continues his journey, now up the inside of my leg all the way… _there_. Then he begins to thrust his finger in and out... mmmm… and I start to climb...

He chuckles. "Intense, isn't it?" Then he pulls out and away, all contact broken.

Where did he go? Don't stop!

Then he slams into me… hard. Ah! I am already wound so tight that I shatter immediately into an intense orgasm, spinning around and around… But he doesn't let up. He slams over and over and I start to build again… surely not! But I do - again… and again. I feel him lean forward over me, gripping my upper arms. And now his torso is bumping up against the bottom of my belly. Ahh… it's too much and I lose all control, spiraling up and cascading down, over and over and over...

Sometime later - I have no idea how long - I feel him finish, shuddering against me. After a few moments, he pulls out and off of me. He removes the ties and the blindfold, slides my bottom further up the table. I straighten my shaking legs… ahhh. _Holy fuck_.

I don't open my eyes, and I am half asleep as Christian lifts me, carrying me to the master bedroom.

"Well done, baby," he whispers, "Sleep now."

And I do.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

I am all tied up… yards and yards of rope are binding me to the wooden cross. I cannot move, and Christian is behind me, pressing and urging - pushing my legs apart…

My eyes fly open. It's morning and there are no ropes, but I am all wound up - in the bedsheet. Christian, however, is _not_ a dream. He really is behind me and really… needy.

"Mmmm…" I say, pressing back into him. I reach around and grasp him in my hand, feel the hard ridge of him. I work my way up his length and swirl my thumb around the tip. There's a small bead of moisture there. Wait, I know what this is… _Well hello pre-cum, I believe we've met. You're the one responsible for my little passenger._

Christian lets out a moan and I smile, turning over to face him. I catch a glimpse of the clock - 7:58 - and bolt upright, and the spell is broken. "Christian," I hiss, "I have to be at work in an hour! And I don't have any clothes here." The past few weeks, I have been keeping things at the house and not packing an overnight bag.

"Relax baby," he says, "Taylor brought you some things. And I was just about to wake you… Well I _did_ wake you," he smirks.

"What? When?" I hop out of bed and head into the master closet. There, alongside Christian's clothes, are half a dozen outfits… for me. Work clothes, casual clothes, shoes, a drawer full of undergarments… all my taste, all designer maternity, and - I am certain - all a perfect fit. Maternity lingerie? I didn't even know that was a thing. I pick up some underwear that resemble red dental floss and examine the tag - $275. _Holy shit_.

In a daze, I wander into the master bath and it's stocked with all of my regular toiletries plus an assortment of other, expensive-looking bottles and tubes. Out of time to gape, I get in the shower. Christian comes in behind me, and after a minute, I can form an actual thought.

"So Taylor brought me some things," I squeak. "When? While we were fucking or while we were sleeping?"

Christian chuckles. "Relax, Ana. He brought them over earlier this week… from home." He sighs. "It was supposed to be a surprise, but I had half of the closet converted - and filled - for you."

Oh. "Who bought it all? Taylor?"

He chuckles again. "I have a personal shopper, Ana. Her name is Caroline Acton and she works at Neiman Marcus. I had her send over a capsule of clothing and accessories for you."

"A capsule?"

"A... collection of clothing, all hand-selected for you. And basically you go through it, keep what you want, and send the rest back. And then she will send you new items based on that."

Hmmmm... "So basically I don't actually have to go shopping at all."

"Nope, not unless you want to."

Now he is washing my hair, and I can't help but relax. He really does have very capable fingers. And maybe I can get used to all of this...

By 8:57, Sawyer and I are walking into work with coffee and breakfast in hand. Whew! I feel a little... off balance. Maybe I should take Christian up on his offer of a personal trainer. I'm going to have to work on my stamina if I'm going to keep up!

The weeks pass, and we're in a new routine. Wednesday nights at Escala, Thursday nights with Kate at the apartment, the rest of the time at our family home. Christian introduces me to more of the basics - shackling me to the wooden cross and the bed, letting me feel the sting of the flogger and the crop. And with the help of our trainer, I am keeping up... for now. I am fitter and leaner than I've ever been, with the exception of my ever-growing belly. I can feel it move now - at first a tentative tapping, then more definite kicks and rolls.

One particular Wednesday in mid-August, I'm antsy and fidgety all day. Today's the day... this is it! We're finding out if it's baby boy blue or baby girl pink... Finally it's 2:50 and Christian is due to pick me up in 10 minutes. I shut down my computer, gather my things, use the bathroom, and head out into... rain. Oh well... it can't dampen my mood today. Christian jumps out of the SUV, opens my door, and I jump in... okay, maybe 'jump' is a hopeful exaggeration... But I feel like jumping...

He runs around to his side, he actually does jump in, and leans over to give me a kiss. We're wet and dripping... and we laugh. He's in a good mood too.

We talk animatedly the whole way to the clinic... I tease him and try to get him to guess. He won't. Fine, I won't either. Plus, I just have no idea! Co-workers have been taking bets all week. Carrying high, carrying low... craving this, craving that... heartburn, no heartburn. I meet half of the 'girl' criteria, half of the 'boy' criteria.

We pull in and I try one last time "Any last, last, last-minute guesses?"

"Nope," He says, leans over, kisses my cheek. "Healthy mom, healthy baby..." He shrugs.

Well, of course... Yes, priorities!

We walk in and sit down for the customary question and answer session. Doing fine... feeling good... baby's active... yep, all fine and good. Well, feeling huge... weight check: 118. Eek! But Megan and Christian look pleased... Fine. Let's get on with it!

We head back to the room with the fancy machines again. It's been eight weeks since our last ultrasound... is that possible?

I get on the table and Megan measures my bump "Right on track!" Yep, there's no question whether it's 'above my pelvis' this time! She squeezes on the gel, positions her wand...

And there it is again... our baby! It doesn't look that different, but it definitely fills more of the screen. There's the snub-nosed profile, but we can only see halfway down the torso before the image cuts off. Megan is chirping over it as usual as she measures the head, moves down - checks the heart, which is pumping away... she can even point out the blood moving in and out - she checks the spine, moving down... measures a femur. The legs are kicking... it's weird to see it _and_ feel it... "It's all looking great! Measurements are good... now I'm going to take a peek 'down below' so if you don't want to know..."

"We want to know." I say quickly and she smiles.

She re-positions her wand... and there it is. Even I know what that is! That's a penis and testicles... front and center!

"Well, it's a BOY... no doubt about it!" She says.

I laugh and look up at Christian.

He's grinning like a fool and he pumps his fist. He actually did a fist pump! "Hold on..." I accuse, " _You_ said you didn't care... _You_ said 'healthy mom, healthy baby…'"

He can't stop grinning and I can't help but join him. "Ana," he says, "have you noticed that my family is _slightly_ skewed toward the female persuasion?"

Oh! I never really thought about it... other than his brother Elliot, it's Grace, Connie, Molly, Marissa, Ellie... and me. Oh my.

And we all laugh.

Later that night, after we've called and texted everyone we know, we snuggle in and just enjoy the moment. Christian presses his hand against my side and is rewarded by a firm push against his hand.

"So," he says, "Marissa's birthday is next week..."

"Yes, what were you thinking of getting her?"

"I think I'm going to go ahead and get her an iPhone."

I sit up. She's been hinting about wanting a phone for weeks, but I didn't think Christian would take her seriously. "What? What does a nine-year-old girl need with an iPhone?"

He shrugs and looks a little sheepish. "Well it's how kids communicate now, isn't it? Texting and that instant picture thing."

I roll my eyes. "Instagram? I don't know about that, Christian. Sometimes people on there... aren't who they say they are. Are you going to follow her?"

"No," he says definitively. "Ana, I am not following a bunch of nine-year-old girls on Insta-whatever. Then who would be the creeper?"

"Fine," I say, "I'll do it then." But I don't like it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Marissa's birthday falls on the following Wednesday, so instead of our regular night at Escala, we host a family party. It's a simple, sweet affair with Marissa's favorite dinner - spaghetti and garlic bread - cake, streamers, and balloons... and I love it all. I never got to have a birthday party as a child. My great-aunt would slip a new book under my plate at breakfast, but that was it. And I wasn't the type of kid who was invited to a lot of parties either. The Kavanaghs made a fuss over me later on, of course, but I was turning sixteen by then.

Grace, Connie, and Molly all come, bringing shopping bags full of presents. These women all love to shop! They are all smiling, but I catch glimpses of them all watching me. I haven't spent much time with them since I really started to show, and I know it's a constant reminder of her. _Of Chelsea_. I'm twenty weeks, and if I was her, I would be dead in ten more. The thought makes me shiver and I stay busy – filling drinks, replenishing bowls of food, fixing stubborn strands of streamers – all through dinner and cake. After the cake has been devoured, everyone gathers in the living room so that Marissa can open her presents.

"Ana," calls Grace, "come in and join us."

"Oh just a second," I say, clearing the plates and debris from the cake.

"Ana," she says more sharply, "get in here and get off your feet for a minute. You haven't stopped moving all night."

She caught me. I blush and join Christian at one end of the couch. I'm conscious of how my shirt pulls tight against my belly when I sit, and I feel like I'm on display, so I shift and tuck my legs under me. That's better. And I let myself relax, take in the scene in front of me. Two doting grandmothers and one fun, crazy aunt. Marissa tears through the shopping bags, and soon there's a jumble of colorful wrappings surrounding her. There are presents for Ellie too, but on a smaller scale.

Marissa makes it through the pile in record time, thanks everyone enthusiastically, and gives a round of hugs. Then she looks up at Christian. "Daddy?" she asks. She knows that there's been nothing from him – us – and that he's holding something back.

Christian smiles, eyes twinkling, and goes to one of the kitchen drawers. He opens it and pulls out a slim package. Marissa squeals and runs to take it from him, ripping off the light blue wrapping paper as she comes back over. "An iPhone 7… Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" And she lets out another squeal and dances around.

We all laugh. Marissa is usually pretty serious, so it's fun to see her so excited. Molly pulls out another gift bag, and it's filled with girly accessories for Marissa's new phone – pink wireless earphones, a little round bluetooth speaker, and a glittery phone case with kitty ears. Marissa squeals again – she's on a roll tonight – and she runs off to her room, Ellie trailing her, to set it all up.

"Wow," I say, sitting back and laughing, "that was… a lot of girly excitement."

"Well a little boy is really going to shake things up around here," says Connie.

"He already has," I say, and we all laugh.

But then Connie stops and looks serious, a little nervous. Uh oh. What?

"Ana," she says, "I know that Molly and I won't have a – genetic – connection with your baby. But we'd still like to be his grandma and aunt… And I'm not saying it will be perfect – or easy – all of the time, but if you're willing, we'd like to try."

"Of course," I say. Is that what she's been so worried about? "One of the things that I love most about this family is how you've all come together to raise these girls. Believe me, I know that genetics does _not_ make a family."

She looks at me, wanting to believe me, but still a little unsure.

"Christian told you about my background, right?" I look at Christian, but he shakes his head.

"No," he says, "I mean, I told my mom, but that's really your story to tell… if you want to."

And so I do. I tell them about my early childhood, my years with my great aunt, the foster homes, and finally the Kavanaghs. Their expressions change from horror to surprise to... satisfaction as I tell the story.

"So," I say, "that's why I don't take family for granted, no matter what form it takes."

Connie gets up, comes to hug me, tears in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispers. "I guess we all have our baggage, and now there's nothing to do but move forward and embrace what we do have."

With that, we all get up and start cleaning up the birthday debris. The heaviness in the room dissolves as we all work together, and I think we have finally cleared the air. Connie is right –life might not be always be easy or perfect – but it can still be pretty great.

That night, I volunteer to tuck Marissa in. She's in bed already, her prized iPhone with it's kitty ears on the pillow beside her. I smile and pick it up, place it on her nightstand, and take out my own phone.

"Did you have a good birthday, nine-year-old?" I ask.

"Yes," she says emphatically, snuggling under her covers.

"Your dad says that you want to set up an Instagram account, but… he really doesn't know what it is." We giggle, but then I put on my serious face. "I'll help you do it, but there are going to be some rules.

She nods, her face serious too. "Okay, but all my friends..."

"I know," I say, "and it can be really fun for you and your friends to share goofy pictures and chat. But I am going to make myself a profile, so I can be on there with you too."

She looks a little confused.

"I won't post anything, or comment, or embarrass you," I say, "but I need to make sure that you're being safe."

She nods.

"No making friends or chatting with people that you don't know in real life, okay? And now I want to show you something."

Within a minute, I have found a photo online, created a profile, and filled in a few details. I turn my phone so Marissa can see too. On the screen is a photo of a nine-year-old girl named Annabelle. She has brown hair, blue eyes, and a gap-toothed smile. She lives in Seattle and loves books about horses.

"Who's that?" Marissa asks.

"That's me,' I say, "I stole that photo from the internet, filled in a few details, and I'm ready to go. Do you see how easy that was?"

She nods, her eyes wide.

We chat for a few more minutes, and I explain how chat strings – especially on Instagram – can be deleted, so it's really hard to pin down people who are on there to create problems. And that she should never share information about where she lives or goes to school. Real-life friends already know those things. Then I kiss her good-night and promise to help her set up an account.

I slide into bed next to Christian, exhausted from the day and all of the excitement. "All set with Marissa?" he asks.

"I think so," I say, "and I'll be able to monitor her account, at least until she's a little older."

"Good," he says, "and since I was at the Apple store anyway…" He pulls a box out from under his pillow, wrapped in the same light blue paper as Marissa's.

"Christian Grey," I scold. "What did you do?" But I grab it and rip off the paper anyway. An iPhone X! He got me an iPhone X! _Yes!_ Oh more girly excitement… I can't help it!

"Can't have the nine-year-old ahead of you in technology," he chuckles. "For my beautiful fiance, for all of her picture-taking and Instagram-stalking needs."

We laugh and then we kiss… Mmmmm….

...

August rolls into September, and the girls are back in school, kindergarten and fourth grade. My own birthday is right around the corner. Christian has planned a weekend get-away at Snoqualomie Lodge, which is one of my favorite places. It's east of the city, up in the trees. And there's a fantastic hike with a waterfall that I love.

On the Thursday before my birthday, Kate is in full-on planning mode, pestering me about my birthday weekend. "Lets go shopping!" she squeals. "I'll help you pack."

"Kate," I say, "I do not need to go shopping. You should see my closet… it's ridiculous."

Her eyes widen. "I want to see it!" She's been hinting about coming over to the house for awhile, but I feel self-conscious about it. I'm still getting used to it all myself. And it's been nice just being at our apartment, having a break from it all.

"Okay, okay..." I agree. "The girls are with Grace this weekend. Want to come over tomorrow night? You can ransack my closet, stay for dinner?"

"Yes!" she shouts and gets up, dances around. _Oh Kate_ … and I laugh.

I text Christian to check if it's okay, to make sure he hasn't made any plans.

 **7:55 PM**

 **Ok if Kate comes over tomorrow night?**

 **We can hang out, have dinner?**

…

 _ **Sure, but…**_

 _ **Actually I just invited Elliot to come over then.**_

…

Oh! I have been dropping hints about wanting to meet Elliot for months. I know he and Christian aren't that close, that they don't see each other much except for business dealings. Christian claims that Elliot is an incurable playboy, that he just likes to do his own thing. He works long hours, then blows off steam by bedding women… lots of women.

I don't want to blow this opportunity to meet Elliot or disappoint Kate, so I text back quickly.

 **That's fine!**

 **It can be the four of us.**

 **Looking forward to it!**

 **X**

…

After work on Friday, Sawyer and I swing by the apartment to pick up Kate. She's impressed by everything… the car, the house, the view, but I know she has one goal in mind: my closet.

I roll my eyes and take her in there, Christian's clothes on one side of the large walk-in, and mine on the other. She runs her hand along the rows of designer clothing – work clothes, casual clothes, dresses… there's even a long, dark blue, velvet evening gown. _A maternity evening gown_! It seems absurd, but Christian has mentioned a couple of formal work events closer to the holidays. Hmmm… I'll worry about those when they get closer.

Kate's in heaven. She opens my drawers and then starts pawing unabashedly through my lingerie. _Kate_! She pulls out an lacy, see-through, ivory camisole. "You _have_ to take this one," she says.

"Kate, no… that one has a thong. I can't wear that." I sigh. "I'll be twenty-three weeks pregnant... it's crazy to be planning a romantic getaway."

Kate puts her hands on her hips. Uh-oh, it's the Kate Kavanaugh 'don't give me any of your shit' stance. "Ana, you're HOT. I mean, look at yourself." She grabs my shoulders and turns me to face the full-length mirror.

Hmmm… I do look okay. My hair is glossy and well-cut, my clothes are stylish and flattering, and my arms and legs are actually toned, the muscles defined. I've always been slender, but thanks to the personal trainer, a better diet, and the – um – workouts with Christian, I look healthy and fit.

"Ana, you look amazing – with just the cutest baby bump – SO sexy. And you are going to _rock_ this thong."

I laugh and give in. After all, she'll end up getting what she wants anyway. I get out a rolling suitcase, and we pack the ivory lingerie, and a more flirty set – mint green with black lace. We also pack casual clothes, and dressier clothes for dinners at the lodge – including a scandalously short black cocktail dress. Oh my. Finally Kate is satisfied, and we head upstairs.

I pour Kate some white wine, and we settle in to chat. Christian arrives a short time later, Elliot coming in with him. Elliot is, of course, very good-looking. I'd seen photos of him, but in person he is full of charm and character. He is warmer, more familiar than I thought he would be. He is also much more talkative than Christian and a huge flirt, and soon Kate and I are both under his spell. Christian shrugs and rolls his eyes, going out to start the grill. We eat outside, talking and laughing, and I can see Kate flirting back. Oh she's into him, and I'm not surprised. I really should warn her about his womanizing ways… I catch them leaning in, chatting to each other quietly a couple of times.

After we watch the sun set over the Olympics, Elliot yawns and stretches, says he has an early day tomorrow. He leaves, and a few minutes later, Kate says she'd better get going too. I see her out, pulling her aside in the doorway. "Kate," I hiss, "are you going to meet him? Christian says he's… very promiscuous."

She doesn't say anything, just gives me a little smile. "Ana, relax… I'm a big girl."

"I know, just don't… don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?"

She giggles looking me up and down. "Girl, that warning doesn't work as well as it used to, huh?"

Now I can't suppress my own giggle. "Just be careful, okay? Love you."

"Love you too," she calls over her shoulder as she walks away.

Hmmm, Kate and Elliot… _Oh boy_.

...

Finally, it's Friday, September 14th... tomorrow's my birthday! And tonight we're off on our weekend getaway. Gail scheduled me to get off an hour early, and I check the time... 3:55. Yay! Time to go. I use the bathroom - again, shut down my computer, and gather my things. I wave at a few people as I leave. They tell me to have a fun weekend and a happy birthday. Everyone is smiling and so excited for me. How nice!

Christian is waiting with the convertible, our bags in the trunk. "Hello birthday girl," he says, and sneaks a hand inside my trench coat to feel my belly. "Hello baby boy. How are you both?"

"We're good," I say, "and better now that my birthday weekend has officially started. Let's GO!"

He smiles, gives me a quick peck on the cheek, and we're off. Friday afternoon traffic is a little heavy, but it clears once we're past the city - on I-90, headed east. The air is fresh out here... Ahh. "So," He says tentatively, "they have to change the court date on us again."

I sigh and roll my eyes. This is the second time... and it was supposed to be next Friday! We've signed the license, sent my ring in to be sautered to the band… we're all set, but we can't get a stupid court date! We arrive at the lodge at just before 5:00, and the lush surroundings take the edge off my irritation.

Our room is... more than a room. It's a huge, three room suite with an amazing view of the Falls. "Wow," I say, "you know how to treat a girl right."

"Well," he says, coming up to fondle me, "I'm still making up from earlier... transgressions." And he pulls me into a deep kiss. Ooh, desire floods through my body. Maybe just a quick...

He steps back. "I booked us a private dining room at 6:00, so... we have just over an hour. How about a bath?"

Hmm... not exactly what I had in mind, but a warm bath sounds good too. I put my hair up while he runs the tub and adds some fragrant gel. We bathe, washing each other and just relaxing. Christian massages my stiff shoulders and back... mmmm...

Too soon, it's time to get out and get ready. We dry off and head back out to the master bedroom. Christian has brought a few different garment bags. Hmmm... He selects the white one first and pulls out a lacy, ivory dress. "Um, that's pretty... is that for you or me?" I joke.

"Oh it's for you, baby, and I can't wait to get you in it... and back out of it."

I blush. Oh my. He helps me into it and it's amazing - the fabric is all lace, but stretchy. It's just shy of knee-length and very fitted... everywhere. It hugs my belly, but it's very... sexy.

Christian also has a matching bra and panties and sparkly ivory sandals for me. They're heels, but manageable. And then he pulls out a velvet box... ohh. Inside are sapphire and diamond earrings and a matching pendant... my birthstone! "Oh, thank you!" I gush. Wow, what a birthday...

I sit down at the vanity to do my hair and make-up. There's a knock on the door and it's a stylist. What? "I hear we have a special birthday dinner tonight!" she says. Wow! We decide to put my hair up, to show off my new jewelry. She styles my hair into an intricate low bun, smoothing my bangs to one side. It's very elegant. She leaves and I finish my make-up, then put on the earrings and necklace. Christian comes up behind me. Our eyes meet in the mirror - he's all shaved and dapper in a dark suit and tie.

"Ready to go?" He asks.

"Yes," I say and stand up, look down at myself. "This dress is gorgeous, but very..."

"Fitted. Yes," he grins, and produces a simple ivory silk wrap. Ah, this is better.

"This must be some fancy dinner," I say.

He shrugs. "The main dining areas are black-tie."

He takes my hand and we head for the door. His hand is shaking! Why? I wonder what he's got up his sleeve... more birthday surprises?

We head downstairs and it seems like everyone is watching us and smiling. It's probably because I'm on Christian Grey's arm... We are ushered to a set of double doors, which open before us.

What in the... It's not a private dining room... it's a huge solarium with live plants, bunches of fresh flowers, an amazing view, popping camera flashes... and about forty people, all clapping and smiling... Our families - including the girls - people from work, and a few I don't recognize/ I spot Professor Collins, my college advisor, and his wife, Marion... What is going on?

Kate comes bouncing up, wearing a fitted, light pink dress. She's carrying a huge bouquet of ivory and pink roses. What... I don't... "Kate, you guys threw me surprise party?"

She shakes her head. "It's not for your birthday, girlfriend. It's your wedding day."

 _Holy shit_.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

My jaw drops. Not a surprise party, a surprise wedding! I don't... I can't... "You did this for me?" I squeak. "You all planned this... for me?"

"Yes!" says Kate. "And we pulled it off... What a BLAST!"

I finally close my mouth, a stupid grin spreading across my face.

Christian squeezes me from the side. "Ready baby? Just breathe," he whispers.

"Yes," I say, "I'm ready."

He gives a signal to one of the tuxedo-clad waiters and they unroll an ivory cloth along a center gap in the tables. Not a gap... _an aisle_. The girls come running up the aisle. They are wearing matching pink dresses and carrying baskets of rose petals... _flower girls_.

Kate hands me my bouquet, reaches to a table behind me, and picks up a boutonnière, pinning it on Christian... _the groom_. A small orchestra in the corner begins to play the wedding march, and the girls start up the aisle, spreading petals. Kate reaches behind me again and grabs a smaller version of my bouquet, gives me a kiss and a squeeze, and she starts down the aisle... _the maid of honor_.

At the front tables, on either side of the aisle, are my mom, Connie, and Grace, all wearing corsages... _mothers of the brid_ _e and groom._ I look to my right and Christian is gone. In his place is my dad... _father of the bride_. He holds out his arm. "Ready, sweetheart?" I can't answer. I am still in shock. "We go when you're ready... it's your show."

I take a deep breath and nod. He signals the orchestra, and the wedding march fades out... swelling back as 'Here Comes the Bride.' Oh my... _I'm the bride_. I am going to cry... and I start to shake. "Easy, Ana," he says. "Look up."

I do and there's Christian waiting for me at a flower arch... _the altar._ Elliot is beside him... _the best man_. Molly and Professor Baird - Christian's friend Dan - are also standing at the alter... _the bridesmaid and groomsman_. I take a deep breath, let it out... and nod. I'm ready. We step forward and walk slowly down the aisle. My legs are shaky, but they carry me. Dad is gripping my arm firmly - he won't let me fall.

We reach the end of the aisle and my dad releases my arm, kisses me on the cheek, steps back. Christian comes forward and takes my hand, leading me to the altar. A man in a gray suit steps up between us… _the justice_...

The music fades out and the justice begins, his smooth voice saying the traditional words... _We are gathered... Do you take... In sickness and in health... 'til death do you part..._ I say "I do" when prompted, smile when Christian does too. He pulls my ring out of his pocket... _my ring_! It's now a wedding set, and he slips it on my finger. Kate taps my arm and hands me the simple, platinum band we picked out weeks ago. I slide it on Christian's finger... And that's it... we're married! _You may kiss the bride_... Oh yes! Christian leans forward, kisses me warmly - holding it for a moment, two... Then he takes my hand and we turn... _man and wife_. And the room explodes in cheers.

We walk around the room, greeting everyone, receiving hugs and congratulations, then we sit down to dinner. Elliot makes a toast and I take a sip of champagne... _Hey,_ _it's my wedding day!_

Dinner is delicious... Prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, and green vegetables. And then they wheel in the cake... _our wedding cake_ _!_ In keeping with the theme, it's ivory with pink roses. And it's three tiers of amazing goodness. We cut the cake, feeding each other messy bites.

The orchestra is replaced by a DJ, the altar is replaced by a dance floor, and we have... _the_ _reception!_ I dance the first dance with Christian, the second with my dad, and then I dance and talk with everyone. I find Professor Collins and Marion, who only got a quick hello earlier. I haven't seen them since graduation. I thank them for coming and apologize for not keeping in touch. They were like a second family to so many of us in Library Science. I spent countless Friday evenings in their home - eating homemade cookies and watching movies based on books.

"Well," says Professor Collins, "We were certainly surprised when Kate contacted us, but you look well. I'd like to ask what all you've been up to, but..."

"If I said, 'not much' would you believe me?" I joke.

"No, probably not," he says. And we all laugh.

I tell them about my job at the library and invite them to bring students for a tour of the library anytime. Too soon, I give them hugs and continue making the rounds.

At some point, I have lost my wrap and kicked off my heels... and I don't care! The girls are whirling around, the music's pumping, and we dance the night away. I notice that Kate and Elliot are... _together._ They are all over each other on the dance floor. Both of them are very warm, outgoing, physical people. And apparently it wasn't just a one-night thing. _Maybe one day Kate will be my sister friend_ and _sister-in-law..._

At around 10:00, things finally start to quiet down. The music slows, the girls are fading... rubbing their eyes. I sit down - phew! - and Ellie climbs on my lap. There's not as much room anymore, but she manages. Marissa flops on the chair next to us. I stroke her hair and she snuggles in, close to my side. We sit quietly for a few moments, then baby boy starts his own dancing. I think he was lulled by all the movement and music. Ellie giggles, then Marissa, and then I join in. Christian walks over, sits next to us, asks what's so funny. "Your son is dancing," I say. He puts his hand on my belly and smiles. Oh what a night... All the people I love – including my babies, my man... my husband.

"Okay girls," he says, "the grandmas and Aunt Molly are ready to take you upstairs."

"They're staying here too?" I ask.

"Yep, all the family's staying... the Kavanaghs have a suite too. They all want to be at your birthday breakfast," he grins.

"Mmmm..." I say, and kiss him. "This is perfect."

The party disperses with last hugs and best wishes, and we head upstairs. Oh I know what's coming... why Kate was so interested on helping me pack. And why she insisted on the fancy ivory lingerie… _the_ _wedding night_.

We get to our suite and Christian starts in on me as soon as the door closes. "I love this dress," he murmurs, kissing my neck, "and I love what's under it even more."

"I'll let you peel it off me," I say firmly, "but then I need a minute."

"Deal," he whispers.

After I am stripped down to my ivory bra and panties, I hold up a finger. "Wait here."

I go into the master bedroom, shut the door firmly, and find my wedding night lingerie. The camisole is sheer, fine lace and it fits perfectly. My belly is visible through the fabric, but it doesn't cling. I slide on the thong... hmm. Yep, I look normal – _sexy_ \- from the back, and overall... not bad, not bad at all.

Thanks to the team of capable technicians at Kate's favorite salon, I am waxed, threaded and manicured to within an inch of my life. _Thank goodness!_ I use the bathroom, give my teeth a quick brush, and slip on the matching silk robe. I leave my hair alone. It still looks good and I don't want to deal with the bobby pins right now. Okay, I'm ready. _Wedding night ready._

I head back out, pausing in the doorway between the bedroom and living area. Christian is still standing there, but his jacket, tie and shoes are gone, his shirt collar open.

A slow grin spreads across his face, and he moves toward me. "Mrs. Grey," he growls, "you look mighty fine."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey," I say sweetly. "Now let's consummate this thing... again."

He steps forward and grabs me, pushing me back through the doorway, toward the bed. "Mrs. Grey," he says, "this outfit is delicious. I want to nibble every single inch of you." He leans forward and starts to nip at my shoulder.

I suppress a giggle. He's back! The man who wants to eat me!

I kiss him back and he removes my robe, dropping it to the floor. Then we are on the bed, and he's true to his word. He slowly works his way around every inch of my body, tasting... biting, his erection digging into me, until he finally reaches the sweet spot between my legs. Ah! It's sweet torture and my hips arch up again and again, my fingernails digging into his back. He sits up and slides off my thong, sniffing it deeply before throwing it off the bed. Oh, Christian... _my kinky husband!_ He goes back to work with his tongue, circling, circling... he reaches up with one hand and rubs the bottom of my belly with the base of his palm - back and forth... ohhhh... the sensation is building... my legs stiffen and I explode. The waves of sensation course through me again and again. I collapse back onto the bed, my body like jelly.

He rolls me onto my side, reaches in between my legs, positions himself, then thrusts deeply inside. Ahh! He starts to move, thrusting urgently and my body reacts - again! How?! - and I start to build, up and up... then I fall apart again, sparks flying and then swirling down. Christian thrusts again... and once more, before he stills and pours himself into me. "Oh Ana... my wife... my sweet wife," he murmurs, softening and slipping out.

He spoons me and we come back down to earth, our breathing slowing, heartbeats in sync, our baby boy shifting and rolling under his hand. "How was your surprise wedding day?" He whispers.

I sigh, "Amazing... Goodnight, my husband..." and I'm gone.

...

When I wake, I am flat on my back, with Christian's arm across my chest and his leg across my legs. It's still dark, but ooh... I have to pee. I shift to look at the clock - 4:46. I cannot move, but I have to... I start wriggle out from under Christian and he moans and rolls over. Thank goodness! I hurry in and use the toilet... ahh. And then take a good look at myself in the mirror. _I'm married... and I'm twenty-two. It's my birthday! I_ roll my eyes... well nothing can top yesterday!

I scurry back to bed and this time I pull up the sheet and spoon Christian... my husband. I can feel my bare, moist front pressing up against his butt. Hmmm... maybe I should... but no, I drift...

The next thing I know, it's bright in the room and I am being kissed awake. Mmmmm... this is nice, but... NO.

"Happy birthday, Ana," Christian says.

Ooh! That does it... now I'm awake. My eyes fly open and there he is - my beautiful husband, beaming down at me.

"Thank you!" I giggle. "Um, how are you going to top yesterday?"

He laughs. "Well, we have an hour until breakfast, so we'd better be efficient and shower together..." and he scoops me up. Ooh... birthday shower sex. _Y_ _es, please!_

Shower sex is getting a little more complicated... we haven't figured out how to make it work the standard way, but from behind can be pretty great too. Christian has me get in first, then steps in behind me. This shower is not as big as the one at home... We are both fully under the spray. I can feel his erection grazing my backside... mmmm. He removes the bobby pins from my updo, and my hair falls down my back. "I'm going to be very rough with you, birthday girl," he warns.

"So be rough with me," I answer back, meeting his challenge.

With his foot, he shoves my feet apart, then grabs my hair with one hand and positions himself with the other. Then he pushes into me - hard - and starts to move, riding me faster and faster... the spray pummeling us both... until we shatter together, and it's all I can do to stay on my feet.

"Ahh..." is all I can manage.

We wash each other, then turn off the water and step out. I lean on the counter while he wraps me in a fluffy towel.

He chuckles. "Okay? I should probably stop being so rough with you... I just get... overtaken."

"No don't. I'm good..." Whew! "Just wondering what all you have planned for us today... I'm already spent."

He laughs. "Just breakfast with the family, maybe a hike down to the base of the falls? We can pack a picnic." He shrugs, "No big productions... I promise. It's your day."

 _Oh thank goodness!_ And I grin.

Breakfast with the family is wonderful. We open wedding and birthday presents, and everyone has been so loving and generous.

"Boy, Ana..." teases Kate, "Soon it'll be a baby shower. You're really raking it in this year."

"I'm being efficient." I tease back. "Plus I love the presents... I may have a dozen babies!" We all laugh, but Christian looks a little nervous. I rub his leg in reassurance… _just kidding!_

She leans in and whispers, "How was your wedding night? Did he like the…"

I blush. _Kate!_ "Yes! Now, shhhhhh…" And we giggle.

After breakfast, the family departs, the girls hugging us sweetly. "I want to stay," pouts Ellie.

"Daddy and I are having an adults' weekend this time," I say. "But I bet we can come again... make it a special trip for our family?" She grins. Oh she'll hold me to it!

And they are gone. We have the rest of the weekend to ourselves. "What do you want to do?" asks Christian. "Maybe we should save our hike for tomorrow?"

"Yes, please," I say. "I'd really like to grab my book, find a nice pair of chaise lounges..."

He laughs, and we do just that.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

In the weeks following our wedding - our fabulous, amazing, perfect wedding - it sinks in that I am Mrs. Grey. _I am freaking Mrs. Christian Grey._ Thanks to all of the media coverage of the wedding, I am much more recognizable on the street.

Sawyer has his hands full deflecting the paparazzi, who are always hungry for a new image of me and my growing belly - no matter how flattering (or not). I know that it comes with the territory, and being with Christian - _being his wife_ \- is well worth the price.

The girls - thank goodness - are mainly left alone. Their school and daycare are in a secure compound with a privacy fence. Marissa has become an expert with Instagram, and my phone is constantly pinging with notifications. Ninety percent of them are her and her friends with silly, graphically-enhanced faces and emoji-laden posts.

On the first Saturday in October, three weeks after my birthday, the girls are hopping around like crazy, asking over and over if it's time to go yet. We're finally going shopping for the baby... and they can't wait to get started.

We've bought a lot of the basics online already... car seat, stroller, bouncy seat, white nursery furniture. Christian and I had fun picking them out - okay, it was pretty much based on safety - but the girls were bored stiff. "This is not the fun stuff," they whined. So now we are headed to the local 'BabyZone' in pursuit of bedding and clothing.

We walk in and ohhh... this place is... _Wow_. There is so much baby gear! I'm glad we've already shopped for the essentials at home - where we could focus and weigh the options - because the aisles and aisles of that stuff... Oh my.

The girls make a beeline for the 'baby boy' clothing section. "Okay," says Christian, grinning. "Let's not go nuts..."

Who is he kidding? We won't go nuts. I look at their maniacal grins and know I have one too. Okay maybe...

"Everyone can pick three outfits. Three. And Anna and I get veto power. Okay?" We nod... and GO!

An hour later, we have finally reached our decisions. And, oh, that was fun! And a three-pack counts as one thing, right? Because there are the _cutest_ tractor sleepers… Christian just rolls his eyes. He knows we'll end up with way too many clothes anyway. People love to have an excuse to buy baby clothes.

I know I'm grinning. Oh, I feel young - and giggly - like one of the girls. I am sweating and out of breath from searching through the racks and racks of cuteness. My hair is in pigtails and I'm wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and Chucks. I glance down at myself. Okay, so I can't actually _see_ my Chucks…

Christian is grinning too, and he leans over and tugs on one of my pigtails. "These are cute..." he whispers, "but they won't protect you."

What?! Did he just... threaten me? In the baby boy clothing section?

"Okay troops," he says, straightening, all business. "Bedding!" And he leads the way.

The first set I spot is a light green and white quilt set. It's very classic and gender-neutral, so sweet. And then Ellie and I see the 'Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar' set and she squeals and runs over to it. I join her and... Oh no. There is an entire section of bedding devoted to storybook characters. I am in pregnant librarian Mecca. Ohh...

There's 'Peter Rabbit' and his friends, all ivory with pastel pictures and lace... 'Thomas the Tank Engine' and his friends, with bold, primary colors... And a 'Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site' set... How perfect is that for baby boy bedding? We've all stopped in front of it, staring. Even Christian seems impressed, and Ellie has detached from the caterpillar. This is it... and, oh, it does not come cheap. But we have to have it - all of it. And soon it's piled in our cart. We make our way to the front, grabbing a few essentials - tiny multi-colored hangers, a white wicker hamper, and maybe a _few_ other things...

The cashier rings it all up. Christian holds up a hand "Don't tell me... just swipe it." And he grins and plunks down his Platinum card. Sometimes it's pretty great having a megalomaniac as a husband. It makes shopping so fun!

When we get home, we carry it all straight downstairs to the nursery. Baby boy is taking over the 'downstairs grandma room' for now. When he's older, we'll move him to the 'upstairs grandma room' next to his sisters. We make up the crib, arranging the bedding and accessories - even though I know we'll have to take it all off and wash it later. Then we hang all of the clothing on the new plastic hangers and arrange them in the wardrobe by size.

Nesting completed, the girls run back upstairs. I linger, looking through some essentials that we've stashed in the bottom of the wardrobe. There's a pack of size 'N' - newborn - diapers, and I open it, just for fun. I pull one out and just stare at it. It's SO tiny! Like it's literally four by six inches. How in the...

Christian comes up behind me and I spin around, clutching the impossible thing. He smiles, "I forgot how tiny... I mean newborns have like NO butt." And we laugh. He checks out the wardrobe with me, rubs my belly and pushes in firmly with his hand. Baby boy pushes back, then rolls. "How do you feel about baby clothes now?" He asks.

I smile. "Good." And I turn to kiss him.

"You looked so gorgeous in that store - so young and sexy," he says softly. "If the girls hadn't been with us, I would have taken you straight into one of the nursing rooms."

What? Is he serious? He would have fucked me in the baby store in a room reserved for mothers and babies? "No way," I challenge.

He considers me for a moment, then flexes his hips and pushes against me. Ohh… "Well, in here will work too," he says. And then he strides over and locks the door.

Um, what am I supposed to do? Brace myself against the crib? I don't think so…

He comes back over and kisses me again - this time more forcefully, searching and needy with his tongue. "Get down on all fours," he growls.

Oh. _Oh my_...

...

In the month that follows our shopping trip, I am more and more thankful for the connection with Marissa on Instagram. In person, she has been more… distant with all of us. I suppose that it's natural for pre-teens. They gravitate more toward their friends, spending hours - and hours - texting.

But a small, uncertain piece of me fears that it's my growing belly that's pushing her away. It's a constant reminder of her mother - of what she lost. And what she could lose again if she allows herself to get too close. Christian reassures me that it's normal, that she's going through a phase. But I can't shake the feeling that something's off with her.

On Monday, October 29th, I sit down at my desk with an audible "Oof." Thirty weeks… and I am feeling every bit of it. I have been running around all morning - chasing down lost books, leading story hour, covering the front desk - which means hopping up every few minutes to help someone. My feet hurt and I really need to drink some water… My phone pings - Instagram.

I sigh, put down my water cup, and pick up my phone. I have a new notification from Marissa, and there's a photo attached. "On the ferry with Riley… SUCH a nice day!" What in the… I open the photo and there's Marissa, smiling widely, in a selfie with a girl I don't recognize. She's about Marissa's age, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She has glasses and a smattering of freckles. Marissa's wearing her normal school uniform - a navy polo shirt and plaid skirt. But this girl is wearing a pink t-shirt and jeans.

And in the background is the distinctive bow of a Washington State Ferry… the sign on it clearly displaying its name - 'The Spokane.' Trying not to panic, I pull up the school calendar. Is there field trip today that I forgot about? Honestly my memory hasn't been the greatest lately… No, no field trips mentioned for today. And none this month at all that make any mention of a ferry passage.

 _Shit_. With shaking hands, I pull up the Washington State Ferries schedule. Starting in October, the ferries are on a Fall and Winter schedule, so they only sail every two or three hours. We dropped Marissa off at around 7:30 this morning, and the ferry terminal is maybe five blocks from the school… so… There it is. 'The Spokane' departed the Seattle Ferry Terminal at 7:55 for Bainbridge Island. The sailing time is only thirty-five minutes, so it arrived at around 8:30. No, no, no…

My heart is hammering, my blood pressure spiking. There has to be a reasonable explanation, right? I check the time… already 12:15! Nearly four hours since the ferry arrived on Bainbridge. With a bridge connecting to the mainland, it's one of the gateways to the expansive Olympic Peninsula. She could be anywhere by now…

NO. She and her friend probably skipped school, rode the ferry as so many tourists do - on the short passage to Bainbridge and back, the whole trip taking less than two hours. Oh, she is going to be in so much trouble… Did she think I wouldn't check her post? I will just call the school, confirm that she's in class after a late arrival. Then I will call Christian and see how we should deal with…

My phone pings with an incoming text message. I grab it and quickly open the message. It's from a blocked number, and the words make my blood run cold.

 _ **12:17 PM**_

 _ **Hope u enjoyed the pic!**_

 _ **M is so sweet.**_

 _ **Be on the 2:05 ferry.**_

 _ **Tell no one, come alone.**_

 _ **Bring $2 million. Cash.**_

With shaking hands, I try to reply to the text, ask who it is, ask if Marissa is okay… but it won't reply to the blocked number. I cover my face with my hands, put my head back, think… think… think… Don't panic. Never, ever panic. Just think. Who has her? Why?

And I come up with a plan.

I dig through my shoulder bag and find my keys - _Yes!_ I have a key fob for the silver SUV. It's supposed to be _my_ car after all. I take a deep breath, clutching my bag to steady my shaking hands.

"Sawyer," I say. He is so used to following me to the bathroom, that I don't need to say anything more. He simply gets up and follows me. I head to the back, and pretend to try the knob on the bathroom. "Occupied," I say, and shrug, trying to act casual. He follows me down the back stairs to my goal - the downstairs employee bathroom.

I give him a tight smile and go in. _I'm really, really sorry about this Sawyer_. I walk straight through the small, one person bathroom to the rear door. It opens into the loading area of the library, the wide opening to the dock straight in front of me.

Holding my head high, like I use this door all the time, I head out into the Seattle sunshine. I skirt around the edge of the employee parking lot, heading straight for the SUV. After programming the GPS for the nearest Seattle Nations Bank, I head out into the lunchtime traffic.

After managing to parallel park - perfectly - on Fourth Street, I pull out my purse-sized compact and get to work.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

I choose a violent shade of purple eyeshadow and start in on my left eye. Within a few minutes, an impressive shiner starts to take shape. Fortunately, having a plan and a task to complete calms my nerves and my shaking hands. I add some magenta, a little sickly green… a dab of charcoal eyeliner. Done. I look away while stowing my compact. When I look back up, at the woman in the mirror, her battered face makes me wince. _Good._

I slide on my sunglasses and check my reflection again, making sure that the dark lenses hide the bruising. I shudder to think about women who do this for real… hide their bruises from the world. But, I can't linger on this thought right now. I have my own set of problems.

Ping. I have a new text message and my heart thunks in my chest. This time it's from Christian.

 _ **12:40 PM**_

 _ **Hey baby, my Monday is boring without you…**_

Boring? Well, _my_ Monday isn't boring. And apparently Sawyer is still waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. What do I say? Best to keep it simple and stick to the truth.

 **Miss you too.**

 **Wish you were here.**

 **XO**

Oh this is the truth for sure, and tears threaten, my hands getting shaky again.

I can't go there. It won't be long now before they're on my trail, so I'd better get moving. I get out, manage to jaywalk safely across the busy street, and climb the short flight of stone steps into the bank. _Christian's bank_. Once the door closes behind me, all sounds of the traffic disappear. The lobby is marble and cavernous, a huge old-fashioned vault on one wall. Soft green carpets - the color of money - and live plants soften the atmosphere, making it feel both posh and understated.

I walk straight forward, my heels clicking on the polished floor, to the teller directly in front of me. "I'd like to make a large cash withdrawl, please." I say, trying to sound sure of myself.

"Of course," she says, not altering her friendly teller mask, "Do you have an account with us?"

"Yes," I say, "I'm Anastasia Grey… _Mrs. Christian Grey?"_

Her mask falters and her jaw drops for just an instant before she recovers. "Of course. Let me get the manager for you, _Mrs. Grey_." Now she's all fidgety, not meeting my eyes. _I know, Christian has that effect on people..._

She walks to a counter behind her, makes a phone call, and comes back. "Please follow me."

I follow her down a long hallway and into what must be the bank manager's office. It's not large, but the furnishings are meant to impress. Two large, leather, wingback chairs face a dark wood desk. An even larger chair is behind the desk. Two tall bookcases are filled with books and journals on finance. But, unlike my own dog-eared collection, they look brand-new and untouched.

Before I can sit, a mousy man with glasses and a thin mustache enters the room. He's wearing a dark, pin-striped suit and a gaudy tie. "Mrs. Grey, I presume." We shake hands, and his is fine-boned and moist. I see his beady eyes take me in, widening slightly when he notices my figure. "I'm Troy Wheelan, the general manager. Please, have a seat."

I do, and he settles in the seat behind the desk, unbuttoning his suit jacket and straightening his tie.

"How can I help you today, Mrs. Grey?"

"As I told the teller, I need to make a large cash withdrawl. And I need the money immediately. So just tell me what _you_ need to make that happen."

He considers me for a moment. "And what amount?"

"Two million dollars," I say as cooly and confidently as I can.

His eyes widen again, and he lets out a little nervous laugh. "That's a large amount of money. Mrs. Grey."

Does he think I'm stupid? Of course it's a large amount of money. It's obscene, _but it's not obscene for Christian Grey_. I don't say anything, just stare him down as best I can through my sunglasses.

He sighs. "I'll need to see some identification, of course. And I'll need to speak to Mr. Grey."

"Please don't do that," I say, and I remove my sunglasses. I allow my lower lip to tremble, tears to prick the corners of my eyes. Then I press my hand into my lower back, pushing my belly forward and putting on a show. "I… I'm afraid of what he'll do next and… I need to get away." _I'm sorry, Christian. Really, really sorry… This is for Marissa. This is for our daughter._

Wheelan visibly winces and jumps back a little. "I'm very sorry Mrs. Grey. I'll make sure that you get what you need. Now, some identification… and you'll need to write a check."

 _Shit!_ A check? I don't have a checkbook on me. Who writes checks anymore?! But then I remember - I do have one check tucked in my wallet. It was supposed to be for the girls' school fundraiser, but…

My phone starts vibrating, issuing an angry buzzing sound. It stops as the call goes to voicemail, then starts up again. _Uh oh._

I find the check and pull it out, smoothing out the folds on the desk. Then I take out my newly minted driver's license... Anastasia Rose Grey. My old one expired on my birthday, so the timing was perfect.

Using Wheelan's fountain pen, I quickly scrawl 'Cash' then 'Two million dollars… $2,000,000." _Wow… I can't even..._

"Did you bring a bag?" he asks, and then continues when I stare at him blankly. "For carrying the money? It won't fit in your purse, Mrs. Grey."

Oh! I shake my head.

"We have some… wheeled cases for transporting cash. I'm sure I can… Wait here, please."

At this point, I don't know who's more flustered - me or Wheelan. I pick up my phone. Two missed calls and one new voicemail from Christian. I don't even want to listen to it, as I know what it's about. _How could I disappear from work? What was I thinking? This isn't like you, Ana. What's happening?_ Oh Christian, if you only knew… _Tell no one._ I can't take the risk.

My phone starts vibrating - Christian again. I pick it up, whisper an apology to my husband, and select the option to 'send calls from this number directly to voicemail,' essentially blocking him. _I'm sorry, so so sorry, but I don't need the distraction right now._ I need to listen for calls or messages from the blocked caller, from Instagram.

I'll explain everything later… when this is over. _What if I don't get that chance? What if…_ NO.

I check my phone again. It's just past 1:00 - _One hour until I need to be on the ferry_. I sit back, trying to breathe deeply, and am surprised how calm I am. I know that I'm probably in shock. I allow myself to think of Marissa for just a moment - _Where is she? What is she feeling right now?_ NO. I have to concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Get the money and get on the ferry. Right now, that's all that matters.

Breathe in… breathe out… try not to think… don't think…

When the door opens again, I jerk upright, my eyes flying open. Wheelan comes in, pulling an industrial-looking, silver, hard-sided suitcase. "Your money, Mrs. Grey," he says, looking uncomfortable. "And we… we wish you the best."

I thank him, and grasping the handle, pull it out and down the hallway. I can tell that it's heavy, and I am thankful for the wheels. I walk straight out, not pausing to look at anyone. I reach the SUV and open the hatch, gauging the weight of the suitcase. How much does this thing weigh? Fifty pounds?

I hear a voice behind me. "Let me help you with that, ma'am."

Oh good. A nice-looking young Seattlite, complete with bicycle helmet, dreadlocks, and a tye-dyed t-shirt. "Thank you," I gush, as he hefts the suitcase into the cargo area. He gives me a broad smile - his even, white teeth betraying his middle-class upbringing - and takes off on his bike. _If he knew that he just had two million dollars in his hands…_

I smile and slide behind the wheel, heading in the direction of the ferry terminal. Time check: 1:35. Wheelan might be mousy, but he pulled the money together in just under thirty minutes. Impressive. Brown tourist signs point the way to the ferry terminal, and soon the expansive loading area is straight ahead. I pay the vehicle fare to Bainbridge Island, and pull into lane three behind several other cars. I made it!

Lane two is already full, and soon cars are lined up behind me. I hear the ferry's horn, and watch it pull in to dock. A minute later, I hear the distinctive sounds of cars offloading, whirring down the ramp and thunk-thunking off onto the pavement before speeding off into downtown Seattle. Soon, engines around me are roaring to life, ready to load. I check my phone one last time - no messages other than three new voicemails from Christian. I swallow the lump in my throat and start my own engine.

Once I have successfully maneuvered onto the ferry, parking in the long row of vehicles on the car deck, I get out, taking my shoulder bag and pressing the 'lock' button on the fob. _Yes, I'd better lock the car._

I take the narrow, metal stairs up to the passenger deck, and walk out to the bow of the ferry. And there it is - the distinctive, carved wooden sign telling the name of the ship - _The Spokane_. I run my fingers along it, feeling the grooves of the letters and letting myself think of Marissa. I walk over and stand next to the railing, in about the spot where they must have taken the selfie. Marissa and Riley… _Who is Riley? They were here. Right here._

I look around me at the smiling clumps of tourists taking their own selfies, the Seattle skyline behind them. Normally, I love the ferry. The fresh sea air, the feel of the engine rumbling deep within the ship, Seattle fading behind with the water all around. But now I just feel… alone. _So incredibly alone._

Suddenly, my phone pings with an incoming text message and I jump, digging my phone out of my bag. It's from the same blocked number…

 _ **2:15 PM**_

 _ **You made the ferry.**_

 _ **Well done.**_

 _ **Now figure out where to go next.**_

 _ **Marissa is waiting.**_

Ping. An Instagram update from Marissa. I quickly close the texting window and open the app. "Love the view from here. Having a great time!"

The attached photo shows the view from a small, four-paned window. The window has an unfinished, wooden frame and yellow curtains with little pink flowers. The view is of a green lawn sloping down to a creek.

I know this window, this view. _It's my old childhood bedroom at my great-aunt's house_. How in the… And I know where I'm heading. Forks.

Like before, my blood pressure spikes and I am light-headed with the rush of adrenaline. I grip the railing to steady myself, and I feel a tightening spread across my belly. The spasm clenches down for a few seconds, then recedes.

No, no, no… not now. _Shit._


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

 _Christian_

 _I smile when I get Ana's text. She misses me, she wishes I was with her. Believe me, I feel the same. And I know just what I'd like to do with her… Bind her up in those leather cuffs, watch her skin pink up under my flogger. I can see her hips rising up to meet me, her eyes sightless behind a blindfold, the dome of her belly..._

 _I never thought pregnancy would appeal to my - darker - tastes. But the rounder she gets, the more I want to fuck her. She's so vulnerable, but so strong at the same time. She takes whatever I can dish out, and that's a lot… And that smart mouth of hers. It's been awhile since I've fucked her mouth - maybe tonight… and my cock stirs. I reach down to adjust my pants, allowing myself just a couple of strokes…_

 _My phone rings and I bolt upright in my desk chair, back to reality. Damn, I'm supposed to be working here._

 _It's Sawyer. "Grey," I say, my voice clipped._

" _Sir," says Sawyer, out of breath, panicked, "she's gone."_

 _WHAT. THE. FUCK. Sawyer is telling me what happened, but I can't focus, there's a buzzing in my ears._

 _"She must have gone out the back door of the bathroom… or someone took her out that way… didn't know there was another door… loading dock… SUV gone… twenty minutes."_

 _"Wait, that doesn't make sense. She just texted me, like ten minutes ago. Said she missed me and wished I was there." Was she lying, sending a fake text? Or did someone else send it? My blood runs cold just thinking about it._

 _Sawyer is silent. I know he's thinking the same thing, that I don't know my own wife._

 _He's the one at fault here._ " _You waited TWENTY MINUTES for her to come out of the goddamned bathroom?" I growl._

" _I'm sorry sir… I thought maybe she wasn't well…"_

" _Do you have any more information?" I snap._

" _No sir," he says, "Sorry…"_

 _I hang up on him. Useless prick. I dial Ana, and it rings before going to voicemail. I hang up and call her again. Please, please, pick up, baby. And it goes to voicemail again. This time, I leave a message. "Ana, where are you? Did something happen to make you mad? Right now I hope so, because..." I cannot even voice the alternative. "Please let me know that you're okay. Please, baby... I love you."_

 _I dial Welch, and bark out orders. I want Ana's phone traced. NOW. I hang up and dial Detective Clarke, who apparently knows nothing… has heard nothing… the trail is cold…_

 _I call Ana again, and this time it goes straight to voicemail. Someone has blocked my calls. Is it her? Someone else? I call again and again, leaving messages - each one more desperate than the last._

 _I pace my office, raking my hands through my hair. My phone rings and I grab it. It's Taylor. "Sir, I just talked to Sawyer. I'm on my way to you."_

 _About twenty endless minutes pass. There's a pounding at the door - Taylor, thank God... and then it opens, revealing not Taylor but two Seattle Police officers. Their hands are on their weapons, their faces grim. "Christian Grey, you're under arrest for the battery of your wife, Anastasia Grey."_

 _I just stare at them._ What? What the fuck do they know? Is she hurt? _But most pressing of all…_ Do they have her? _I can only hope that they do, because they cuff me - rattling off my rights - and take my phone, turn it off, slide it into an evidence bag. I want to tell them that I'm waiting for a trace… but it's not technically legal, so I keep my mouth shut. I'll have to wait until I'm at the station - with my overpriced lawyer present - before I ask my questions. But it just might kill me._

Ana

I shut my eyes tight and grip the railing. Okay, here's how it's going to go. _When I open my eyes, I will wake up in bed next to Christian… I will wake up and laugh at my crazy nightmare. Ready? One… two… three… Wake up, Ana._

I open my eyes, and the dark waters of the Puget Sound are all around me. The Olympic Peninsula - with so many unknowns - is looming ahead. And the safety of Seattle - and Christian - is fading away with each passing second. Marissa has been kidnapped, I have taken two million dollars out of our account, and I am off - alone - to save her. Oh, and I'm thirty weeks pregnant and I just had what I think was a contraction. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Forks. I haven't been there in… something like twelve years. My first, horrible, four years were with my mother in Montesano. But when my great-aunt came to pick me up, we made the two-hour drive north to her little house on the creek. I can see the little town perched along the highway, logging trucks roaring through. Life was simple, even good, there. When my great-aunt grew too feeble, she went into a nursing home in Montesano. And I went into a foster home nearby. I visited her a few times, but she died within six months.

I loosen my grip on the rail and head inside. There should be about twenty minutes before I need to head back down to the car deck. I really should get some water and sit down somewhere. But, first things first…. I go into a tiny, one-person bathroom. After using the toilet, I remove my sunglasses and check out the bruise that's still blooming around my eye. Using a rough paper towel and some caustic yellow soap, I remove it. Then I wet another paper towel and wipe off the rest of my face and neck.

I peer at myself in the mirror - my skin is a little pink from where I rubbed it, but otherwise… okay. How can I look so normal when my insides are churning, my system in shock? I dig a hair tie out of my purse and put my hair up into a ponytail, off my damp neck. I'm wearing an ivory short-sleeved blouse, a short black skirt, black thigh-highs, and black pumps. Why didn't I wear flats today? Because I like to look professional and - let's face it - sexy for Christian. _I'd give anything for my jeans and Chucks right about now…_

Okay, enough. I unlock the door and leave the bathroom, heading for the galley. I grab a bottle of water, find an empty bench next to a window, and lower myself onto it. The bench faces another one, and there is an elderly lady perched on it. She is all in pink, down to her shoes and purse. I give her a tight smile and open my water, taking a sip.

"Oh my, sweetie," she coos, "When are you due?"

"January," I say. Oh, she is a sweet old lady, but I just cannot handle small-talk right now.

"Ohh... I have five children, all boys, and let me tell you…" And then she launches into telling me all about them, how her last one was oven ten pounds and she didn't think she would EVER get him out… "and my body hasn't been the same since!" And then she smiles widely as if that's the best thing ever, looking at me expectantly.

I just stare at her. Holy crap. I can't do this. Luckily, at this moment, the announcement for 'all drivers to return to the car deck' comes across the loudspeaker. Saved.

"Oh, what a wonderful story," I say, as I heft myself off the bench. "Better go… not moving too fast these days…"

She gives me a knowing smile, and I am out of there… Phew! I tuck my nearly-full water bottle into my bag, navigate the narrow stairs, and climb gratefully back into the SUV.

I program "Forks" into the GPS, but I already know what it's going to say. Yep, it's a long way from Bainbridge Island to Forks. Two hours and fifty minutes, according to the GPS, to be precise. Highway 305 heads straight north off the island travelling fourteen miles to Poulsbo. From there, it's 115 miles of the remote Highway 101, up and around Olympic National Park, then south again to Forks. And I am betting there's not much cell phone coverage past Poulsbo. And then I feel it again, the tightening in my belly… squeezing down for several seconds, then releasing. Mmmm… okay, that's two now, but they're pretty far apart. What, twenty minutes? But still, it's too soon… _way_ too soon for this. I will just drive straight there, exchange the cash for Marissa, and then we will both go get checked out... No problem, right?

I close my eyes and lean my head back, steeling myself for what lies ahead. When I hear engines starting up around me, I sit up and pull out my phone. No new notifications. I'm a little surprised that Christian hasn't called again. But he's probably barking out orders, making people look for me. And what about Marissa? Has he discovered that she's not at school yet? Aren't they supposed to check when a child is unexpectedly absent?

Maybe I should listen to just one of Christian's voice mails... I really want to hear his voice right no. No, the tone of his voice on these voicemails will _not_ be reassuring. Besides, it's time to go - cars further up the line are starting to move. So, I put my phone away and start the engine.

I reach Poulsbo at just after 3:00. Traffic has been light since leaving the congestion at the ferry terminal. I pull into a Phillips 76 station at the junction of highways 305 and 101 and check my phone. Nothing new. I use the bathroom and eye the rows of snacks, but they make my stomach turn. I haven't eaten since breakfast, but I just can't face food right now.

I get back in the SUV, turn onto 101, and drive out of civilization. Almost immediately, there are only lush evergreens all along the road. They curve toward each other overhead, creating the feeling of being in a tunnel. I glance down at my phone - no service. If Christian is tracking my cell, then it just cut out. I am on my own. I push down on the accelerator, bringing the SUV to 70 mph, then put it on cruise control and just drive.

...

As I drive south into Forks, my cell signal returns - finally! It has been the longest two-and-a-half hours of my life, nothing but the road and the radio to keep me company. And in that time I've had, what, eight or nine contractions? I've tried to keep track using the clock on the dashboard, and they're pretty irregular - Twelve minutes, then eight, then ten…

I pull over and check my phone. Nothing new, no new voicemails… Hmm… That doesn't seem like Christian. Maybe my phone still needs to update now that it's back in range.

I look up and scan my surroundings, trying to get my bearings. I was only ten the last time I was here, but… _there_. I spot the little gas station across the highway - its peeling white paint and neon sign advertising ice cream. Yes, ice cream… I used to ride my bike up here from my great-aunt's house, a damp dollar bill clenched tight against the handlebars. I close my eyes and try to remember… I would ride on the gravelly shoulder, and then turn right into the gas station. It was on the right… I open my eyes, start the car, and pull onto the highway, heading south out of town.

I scan the sides of the road, and then I see it. A dusty, green street sign marking "Mill Creek Road." That's it. I turn right onto the narrow, gravel lane and follow it as it winds around, following the creek. I can almost feel the freedom of my bicycle - the wind on my face, my hair flying out behind me, my hands sticky now with ice cream… And there it is. Home. My heart gives a little jolt when I see the rusted-out mailbox on it's red post. STEELE - 1675 Mill Ck Rd. It still says Steele? Hasn't anyone else lived here since we did? I take a deep breath and turn left into the driveway, toward the creek and - who knows what else. _Please, please let Marissa be here. Let her be safe. Let this just be about the money…_

I pull all the way in and park next to a battered green pick-up. I can see the house clearly off to the right, the creek sparkling behind it. I get out and take in my surroundings, my heart thudding in my chest, my senses on high alert. I can't see anyone or hear anything besides birds singing and the creek rushing by. The air is moist, smelling of earth and pines.

Then the screen door slams. And a woman walks onto the porch, through the shadows, down the steps, and into the sunlight. Now I can see her clearly… about my height, slightly built, long dark hair, dark eyes, wearing a gray hoodie and jeans. _Leila._ The submissive.

But she doesn't look submissive now. She raises her chin, crosses her arms, and says in a clear voice, "Well if it isn't little Anastasia Williams," she chuckles, looking me up and down. "Look at you. I can see that you certainly went all out to trap Christian."

What in the... and Anastasia Williams? That's not me. What is she talking about?

"You don't remember me? It's me, Leila." But the way she says it… not LEE-la, like Christian does. But LAY-la… and the memories flood in. Leila - a quiet girl, maybe ten years old, who came sometimes with my mother's pimp. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a shy smile. I would hide from him, back in my mother's closet. But Leila would crawl in, pushing the clothing aside, to find me. She would give me pieces of candy, sometimes a small toy - a plastic ring, a bouncy ball…

She's not… she can't be… But, deep down, I know who she is.

"That's right", she says, "Ellen Williams, the crack whore, was our mother. And I'm your sister."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

I just stare at her… _my sister._ I have a sister. I have a half-sister who kidnapped my daughter… I take a deep breath, and the tightening comes again… Mmmm… I breathe out slowly, square my shoulders.

"I don't have time for memory games, Leila," I say. "I did what you asked - all of the money is in the car. You can have it… just give me my daughter."

"I need you to understand… to know why I did this," she says. "And why you have to believe that you won't hear from me after this."

Ohh… At this point I don't even care. I just want to get Marissa and get out of here. I _need_ to get out of here.

And then I see him - just a glimpse of movement over Leila's right shoulder, back by the treeline. _A police officer_. A police officer with a bulletproof vest, weapon drawn. He holds one finger to his lips, then lowers it and circles his finger… and I understand. _Keep her talking_.

I move my eyes quickly away from him, glancing at several other spots in the yard, as if considering what she said. "Fine." I say, "Tell me."

"I owe a lot of money," she says, "mostly for drugs. Nick, my dealer, has a hold over me… and if I can't pay, he's going to…" She starts to cry.

I am too emotionally numb to even react to her tears. "Go on," I say.

"He's going to… use," she swallows, "Riley - my daughter - as payment and make her... She's almost ten, and that's when it starts with these - people. That's when it started with me."

And I see Riley - the sweet-looking girl in the photo with Marissa - nine years old and on the cusp of adolescence. And I see a young Leila - her dark eyes full of fear. And I know that it's not her fault - not really. Somehow the system - no matter how faulty - saved me, but it failed her.

"So you want the money to pay him off?" I ask.

She nods. "I was supposed to get Christian to trust me. I was going to get the money from him. You proved to be… a bit of a roadblock, but it all worked the same in the end."

"Did you love him?" I ask. "Were you going to stay with him? And where was Riley - _your daughter_ \- in all of this?"

"No, I didn't love him. Believe it or not, she stayed with her father, Charlie - my boyfriend. We're going to use the rest of the money for the three of us - to get away. And to start a new life."

My pulse quickens. _Her boyfriend? Is he my attacker? Is he here?_ "Did he attack me?" I ask. I can still see the police officer and he's standing completely still, listening, one finger on his earpiece.

"No. That was Joe… he was just supposed to scare you away from Christian." She looks embarrassed. "And I didn't know you were… you know, pregnant. He wasn't actually going to - you know…"

"He wasn't actually going to rape me?" I ask sharply. Oh, now I am just mad. _How dare she…_

"Is he the one who's been following me?"

She tries to hide small smile. She looks almost… proud. "No, that would be Charlie. He's a hacker, and… it turns out that CCTV and security cameras are his specialty."

So they were watching me. At the library… and on the ferry… and who knows where else.

I want to know her intentions. Is it really about the money? Or is it something more personal - a craving for a personal connection? "Why not just give Nick the money he wants... and come with me?" I ask. "We're family… and we could help you and Riley."

"I don't think so," she smirks. Nope, it's all about the money. And from behind her, I can see the officer give a small nod. _GO_.

"Well," I say, "I think you've answered all of my questions. Riley is welcome to come with us, because I think _you're_ going with _him."_ I look past her and she whips around, right into the path of the approaching officer. And then all hell breaks loose.

I hear commotion from inside the house. Several seconds pass, and then an officer bursts through the front door with a wiry-looking young man in handcuffs. _Where's Marissa? Is she okay?_ And then, finally - there she is. An officer is leading her and Riley - _my niece_ \- from around the back of the house. Marissa runs straight for me, wraps her arms around my waist, and sobs. For a moment, I just relish the feel of her. _She's okay… she's here… we're okay_.

And then I look at Riley, who's still standing by the corner of the house, the officer behind her. Her eyes widen and her lip trembles when she sees both of her parents in handcuffs. I wonder how much she knows. _How much innocence is left in this poor girl?_

I hear tires crunching on gravel, and turn to see a police cruiser pulling in. The officer gets out and opens the rear door. First, Taylor emerges and then… thank God… _Christian_. His face is white and taught, eyes wide, but it relaxes a little when he sees me and Marissa. He comes straight over to us, his long stride eating up the distance in what seems like a split second.

As soon as I feel his strong arms around us, my knees buckle. I am shaking again, but this time it's with relief. It's over… this long, horrible nightmare of a day is over. Marissa's safe, Leila and her boyfriend are in custody, and Christian's here. He found us. And then I feel it again… the tightening that spreads across my middle - its grip firm enough to make me inhale sharply. Christian pulls back, wiping the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. "You're okay, baby… it's all right now."

Then he is all business, speaking sharply to the officers, "I want these two hauled in and taken care of once and for all. And I need to get my daughter to a hospital to get checked out. God help me if they harmed one hair…" He can't even finish. His relief is quickly turning to anger.

"I don't want to alarm you," I say softly, rubbing my belly as the lingering spasm subsides. "But I think we should all go. Marissa, Riley, and me."

His eyes widen, and they flit from me to the blonde child who is still standing by the corner of the house, watching as her parents are loaded into a second cruiser that has just arrived.

"I think I'm okay," I say quickly, not wanting to pull attention away from the girls. "Just, you know, the stress... just to get checked out."

The officer from the first cruiser approaches us. He has dark hair and a trim mustache. His brown eyes are warm, but questioning. "Anastasia Grey?" When I nod, he chuckles softly and removes his hat, sliding his fingers back and forth across the brim. "I'm Chief Swan, Forks Police Department. Your husband and his team have had half the peninsula looking for you."

"I'm sure that's true," I say. "And I think all of us have some explaining to do. But right now, would you mind accompanying me - and my daughter and niece - to the hospital?"

I feel Christian tense at the word 'niece' and the three of us just look at each other for a moment - hundreds of unanswered questions buzzing between us.

Chief Swan recovers first, his professional duty overtaking his curiosity. "I'd be happy to, ma'am."

"Riley," I ask, holding out my hand. "Would you come with us to the hospital? Marissa's coming too."

She looks at me for a moment, then nods and comes over to us. "Can I call my grandma?" she asks, her voice soft and high-pitched.

...

Within minutes, we are on our way, leaving the little house on the creek behind. Taylor drives the SUV, with Christian in the front seat. The girls clamber into the back, Marissa sitting in the middle and clasping tight to Riley's hand. I climb in on the other side of Marissa and smile at the sight of the two girls. They really do seem to be friends, probably drawn closer together by today's trauma.

It's only a short drive to the tiny Forks Community Hospital, and everyone is quiet on the way. Several medical professionals are waiting for us inside the sliding doors, obviously having been alerted to our arrival. They are ready to escort us into exam rooms, the girls in one direction, and me in another. Christian is visibly torn - stay with me or go with Marissa? "Go with them," I say softly. "She needs her daddy and there'll be forms…"

He nods, reaches out, and squeezes my hand. Then he turns to go with the girls. A smiling nurse with blonde hair and pink scrubs leads me down a short hallway and through a doorway marked 'Maternity.' Oh boy.

"Chief Swan said that you needed to be checked out?" she asks in a chipper voice. "What can we do for you today?"

Where do I start? "Well" I say, "I've been having contractions - I think - since about two o'clock?" I glance at the clock on the wall and it's after six-thirty.

She nods. "And how far along are you?"

"Thirty weeks… or I will be on Friday," I say.

"Okay," she says, "I'd like for you to put this gown on and get into bed. And we'll see what's going on."

She bustles out and I grab the faded hospital gown and take it into the bathroom. I try and pee, but - surprisingly - I don't really have to go. So I strip to my underwear, put on the gown, and go climb into the bed. Ahh… even this hard bed feels heavenly. It's so nice to have my clothes and shoes off - my feet up. I peer down at my feet and they're tingly and a little swollen. Hmm… well it's been a very, very long day. And it's not over yet.

The nurse comes back in and pulls the bedding up over my legs. She informs me that she wants to put me on a monitor, and asks me questions as she gets it set up.

I tell her about the contractions - that they're tight but not really painful. And that they seem to be pretty irregular.

"Well," she says, "they sound like Braxton-Hicks contractions."

I make a face. What?

"Practice contractions," she clarifies. "Your body's preparing for the real thing. They're more common closer to your due date, which is maybe why no one's told you about them. They can also be brought on by stress and dehydration. Have you been drinking enough water today?"

Oh no. "No." I squeak. "I mean, I meant to, but…" I didn't get a chance to drink at work, and that water bottle from the ferry is still in my purse. _Shit_.

She pulls up my gown and and has me sit up, then puts a strap around my belly.

"And has the baby been moving well?"

I freeze. I don't know… I haven't been paying attention. How could I not notice? "I don't know," I admit. "I've been… overwhelmed today. I know he was kicking this morning when I was still in bed." _When I was relaxed and sated after Christian and I…_ No, don't tell her that! _How many hours has that been? Twelve? Oh no…_

She sees my face. "Okay, well let's just check on him. Sometimes with you being stressed and with all of the contractions - babies just kind of lie low."

I nod and shut my eyes, lean my head back. Okay, just breathe. My baby boy… He's okay. He has to be okay… Please…

And then I hear the most beautiful sound - the fast 'whoosh, whoosh, whoosh' of my baby boy's heartbeat. My eyes fly open. "Is that him?" I gasp.

She smiles. "Yes, that's him. Now, let's see if we can perk him up a little."

She starts some IV fluids - ouch - and gives me a giant cup of ice water, which I sip gratefully. Then she leaves and comes back with a carton of orange juice and a package of cookies. "This ought to get him moving."

I dutifully polish off the cookies and orange juice, and then the rest of the water. And then I wait. It doesn't take long before I feel him - before I feel my baby boy stirring, waking up from his long nap. Oh thank goodness… My body finally relaxes and I melt back onto the pillow, my eyelids heavy… and I'm gone.

I wake to a warm hand squeezing mine… _Christian_.

I open my eyes, and he's sitting by my bed. I search his face for clues about his mental state, but mostly he looks like I feel. Exhausted and just... emotionally drained.

"I can't believe my - shit - put you in the hospital again." He says, his eyes taking the monitor and the IV.

I squeeze his hand back. "Well it turns out that it's my shit too."

"Yeah," he says, "about that - I don't really understand..."

I shake my head. "Later," I say, "Marissa?"

"Taylor's with her," he says. "Both girls are fine. Unharmed and - he grimaces - intact."

"Did Riley's grandma come?" I ask.

"Yes, she took her home. From how they acted, I got the feeling that she's probably the primary caretaker. She rushed right here to be by her side."

"Good," I say. I have so many questions… _How did they find us? How did they get Marissa in the first place? When did Christian realize that she was missing too?_

"I know, baby," he says. "We all have a lot of explaining to do. And the police want to talk to you… but I told them not until tomorrow. Right now, you need to rest and take care of yourself and our baby boy." He puts a hand on my belly. "Wow, he's really moving around in there!"

I smile. Oh, it's a long story, but it can wait. And I drift...


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

I wake sometime before dawn with the overwhelming need to pee, but I am still hooked to the monitor and IV line. Christian is asleep in the chair, his hand clasping mine, his head resting on the bed. I don't want to wake him, but I cannot wait much longer. I search for the call button, and he raises his head, looking at me with sleep-blurred eyes.

"Okay?" He asks softly.

"No, I need to pee… like _now_ ," I say, "but I'm all hooked up…"

He smirks, "Well, I do like you all bound up, but I'll get the nurse."

I roll my eyes, "Please hurry!"

He returns with a pink-clad nurse who comes bustling in. "What can I do for you, Mrs. Grey?" I can tell that she's flustered from being beckoned by Christian.

"I need to use the bathroom," I plead, starting to get desperate. "Please."

"Well," she says, "you must be fairly well hydrated now, so I can unhook your IV. And… she lifts the print-out strip that's hanging from the monitor. No contractions in the last few hours, so we can take this off too."

I nod emphatically. _Please get on with it! I am going to burst here._

She unhooks the IV, leaving the port in my arm, and tapes it off. Then she has me sit up and she removes the monitor. "Okay, up you come. Can you walk on your own?"

I think so… yes, I'm okay. A little stiff and shaky, but I manage to make it to the bathroom - clutching my flimsy gown around me - and…. _ahhhh... thank goodness._

When I return, the nurse takes my vitals - trying to be discreet while checking out my husband. _Yes, he's pretty hot when he's all sleep-mussed and sexy, isn't he?_

I glance up at him, and his expression… isn't sleepy and sexy anymore. His mouth is a tight line and he's watching me, waiting for the nurse to finish. _Uh oh..._

After she leaves, giving one last glance over her shoulder, he asks, his voice low, "When were you going to tell me you were having contractions?"

Oh. "They weren't real - they were… Brax - something."

"Braxton-Hicks?" he asks, his body relaxing a little.

I hold out my hand, "Yes, so everything's fine. I was just stresses and dehydrated."

"But you were afraid it might not be." It's not a question this time. When I nod, he reaches out and grabs my hand again. "Oh Ana, I'm sorry… for how long?"

"Since around two o'clock yesterday," I admit. "And then last night when the nurse asked me if the baby had been moving… I didn't know. And I thought..." And then the tears that I had been holding in since last night start to flow. I put my hands over my eyes and cry, my whole body shaking.

"Oh baby," he says, and and stands up, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, letting me cry it out.

"Come into bed with me," I choke out. "Please, Christian, I need you."

He pauses for just a moment before releasing me, slipping off his shoes, and climbing in beside me. I shift over, rolling onto my side to make room for him. He pulls me close, stroking my hair.

Finally, my tears dry up and the shaking subsides. I sigh deeply, releasing the built-up tension, relaxing in his arms.

He kisses me softly on the back of the head, then whispers "He's fine. Our baby boy's fine. And so is Marissa… and so are you."

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

"Yes, at both you and Marissa… and myself. We all have some explaining to do tomorrow."

"Christian, I couldn't… she had Marissa. And she said not to tell anyone… and I was afraid if I didn't do what she said…"

"Shhh, I know baby. Sleep now. Just breathe."

And I do. I match my breaths to Christian's... and...

…

A knock at the door wakes me. I open my eyes and it's bright in the room.

Taylor comes in, carrying a large shopping bag. He smiles - blushing a little - when he sees us curled together in the narrow bed. "Good morning Mrs. Grey… Sir," he says. "I have a little girl down the hall who wants to talk to you, Mrs. Grey. But first, I thought you might like to get dressed? I had some clothes brought over for all of you."

I smile. Of course he did. Only Taylor would find a place - in Forks - to have clothes magicked here first thing in the morning. Also, I know that it has more to do with money than magic.

Christian intercedes, "Marissa's already told me and Officer Swan what happened. Surely we shouldn't make her…" he grimaces.

"Miss Marissa was very clear that she wanted to talk to Ana herself," says Taylor firmly.

"Thank you, Taylor," I say quickly, "Can you give us... thirty minutes to get cleaned up? And then I'd love to talk to Marissa."

"Very well," he says, then clears his throat, glancing at Christian before looking back at me. "And she's not the only one… Chief Swan is already here. And Detective Clarke is coming in by helicopter, arriving within the next hour."

"Of course," I manage. I look at the clock and ohh, it's only seven-thirty in the morning… it's going to be a very long day. Again.

I shower quickly, using the toiletry kit provided by the hospital, and Christian does the same. I inspect the contents of the shopping bag, and - of course - everything is my size and taste. A long, white v-neck t-shirt, light-blue hoodie, and soft grey yoga pants for me. There's also undergarments, socks and - yes! - a pair of black Converse shoes. Christian has a similar wardrobe, but with a gray t-shirt and jeans.

I pull on the clothes and immediately feel more like myself. There. I am clean, clothed, and comfortable. I find my bag and - thankfully - my brush and hair ties.

Taylor returns just as I'm finishing up, a sheepish-looking Marissa trailing behind him. Behind her is Chief Swan, a styrofoam cup of coffee in hand. I wonder what time he got here this morning? It's just now eight o'clock.

Christian emerges from the bathroom, towel-drying his hair. Chief Swan greets us and suggests that we move to a conference room down the hall.

We settle around the large, rectangular conference table, and I gesture for Marissa to sit next to me. Christian takes the chair on my other side. Chief Swan sits at the head of the table, Taylor next to him, and asks for our permission to record the conversation.

"That's fine," I say, "But first, I believe that my daughter would like to speak to me."

Marissa nods, her eyes wide as she looks around the table.

"Marissa," I say. "You're just talking to me, okay? Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?"

She nods again, and then begins to speak - softly at first - and tell me her story. "Riley sent me a message - um - Sunday night? She said that she had the a new Raina Telgemeier graphic novel? And - um - she said it wasn't even available in stores yet. And she said she could bring it to me. And I really, really wanted to read it, so I said I would meet her at the gate - at school." She pauses to catch her breath, looking up at me.

"You're doing great, Marissa," I say, "Go on."

"So," she continues, her voice more confident, "after you and daddy dropped me off… I didn't go right into school. After you left, I went over to the gate to wait for Riley." She pauses, swallowing, "And then, she and her mom came, but Riley was upset and crying. She said that she was in trouble because she left the book on the ferry. And then her mom said that if I walked down to the ferry with them to get it, that I could still have it."

"Oh Marissa… and you went with them?"

She nods. "I thought it would be okay, since it was with her mom. And she said that it wasn't far, that I would be back in ten minutes. But that they had to go, because the ferry was about to leave." She lowers her eyes again, her voice soft, "So I did." She starts to cry and I know she's had enough.

"So she paid for you all to get on the ferry… and while you were looking for the book, it left?"

She nods, sniffling, "And then her mom kind of… changed. She wasn't talking very nice anymore. She told me to give her my phone, and that she was going to make you come after me, and that I better do what she said and not make a scene or…" She starts to cry again.

"Or she would hurt me?"

She nods emphatically, now sobbing into my lap.

"Okay," I say, looking up around around the table. "That's enough for now." I smooth her hair until she calms down, then say. "You know that it's not really your fault, right? You did some things that you shouldn't have done, but you didn't do it to hurt anyone." She nods and wipes her eyes, and then I ask Taylor to take her to find some breakfast.

As Marissa and Taylor are leaving, Detective Clarke arrives, and he and Chief Swan make their introductions.

Chief Swan brings Detective Clarke up to date on the conversation, and then Detective Clarke addresses me.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, we are certainly getting to know each other. I'm sorry that it hasn't been under the best circumstances. But if could continue on from that point, where you received the message from your daughter's phone?"

I give him a tight smile. "Yes, of course." And I tell my side of the story, watching Christian wince when I describe giving myself a black eye. I walk them through what happened, all the way up to when Chief Swan approached us.

They both nod, then shuffle through some paperwork, comparing notes. "Yes," says Detective Clarke, I believe that all lines up… We have transcripts from your cellular phone activity, which were provided by Mr. Welch."

"Is that who figured it out?" I ask, looking at Christian. "Did you and Taylor and Welch track my phone?"

"Well…" says Christian, "Welch and Taylor figured it out. Welch also ran a background check on you and found your birth name and your aunt's address in Forks. With the possible connection with Leila," he shrugs. "They acted on a hunch. When your cell phone lost coverage, they knew you were heading up and around the park. And the logical place for you to be heading was Forks. While they were doing that, I was sitting in a holding cell at the Seattle Police Department."

My jaw drops, and I can't speak for several moments. "You were arrested? Why? They thought you kidnapped your own daughter and wife?"

"No," he smirks, "because they thought I gave you the black eye."

 _Ohh…_ _oh shit_. "Wheelan?" I squeak. "Oh Christian… I'm sorry… I didn't think it through."

"Yep," he says. "At first, I was furious at the little weasel, but then I realized that I would have done the same. If a client's wife showed up in my office with a shiner, needing money to get away." He sighs. "And I understand why you did it, that you needed an excuse to get the money quickly." He sighs. "But it sure did slow me down a little. Luckily, I had already contacted Welch about the trace. And by the time I got out, he and Taylor knew where we were headed."

I nod. "So how did they figure out that it wasn't you? That you didn't hit me?"

Detective Clarke cuts in, "There are security cameras at different locations on the ferry, including the stairwells. When we examined the footage, we could see that you were wearing sunglasses as you went up the stairs to the passenger deck. When you descended, they - and the reported black eye - were gone."

Aha. "That's very good detective work, um, Detective," I say. "So what time was that? That Christian was released? I still didn't see how they made it to Forks before I did."

Christian grins, "Well I had Welch… and Charlie Tango."

"Charlie Tango?" I ask, confused. "Who is Charlie Tango? Is that Leila's boyfriend?" Now I am really confused.

"No," he laughs. "Charlie Tango is my helicopter."

"Helicopter?!" I accuse. "You never told me you had a helicopter!"

He laughs again. "Later, Ana… So we were all waiting when you arrived in Forks. We were further down Mill Creek Road. I wanted to intercept you, not allow you to arrive alone."

I nod, certain that was the case and wondering how they convinced Christian otherwise.

"But, considering that Welch's actions were… somewhat illegal, and I had just gotten out of jail, I decided to play along. The fine officers of the Forks Police Department promised to stay close, to protect you. And they did."

I nod again. "Well to be honest, I don't think Leila was out to hurt me - or Marissa. I think she was just using Marissa to prove a point. To make us understand how important her daughter was to her. And it was about the money, of course. They wanted to start a new life."

I look up and their faces are tight, wary. They're holding something back.

"What?" I ask.

Detective Swan shifts in his seat, suddenly looking very uncomfortable.

"What?" I ask more firmly. "Tell me."

He sighs and then says, "When we drove on down Mill Creek Road, we came across a silver sedan parked on the shoulder. And the driver… matched the description of the man who attacked you.

My breath catches and my heart accelerates. I taste bile in the back of my throat. _My attacker_.

"At least finding him confirmed our hunch," he continues. "Upon taking him into custody and searching his vehicle, we found items of… interest. Weapons, duct tape, cable ties, horse tranquilizer…"

I break out in a cold sweat. "They were going to…" I can't even finish. They wanted to kidnap me? What would have happened to Marissa?

"We believe that was a real possibility," he says, "especially if you had resisted, or hadn't followed directions. And when we searched the house, we found similar items - a whole arsenal of weapons, gasoline..."

I shudder, thinking of what could have happened, and bury my face in my hands. "And they didn't… do anything to the girls? They must have been there for… what, at least three hours!"

"It doesn't seem so. From what the girls are saying, they were locked in the bedroom where the photo was taken. And they were left alone until the officers came and broke through the door."

I sigh, "And I don't think they would have hurt Riley, and Marissa was with her."

He shakes his head. "I don't think so. It seems that they weren't the most upstanding parents, but she was generally well cared-for. She lived mostly with her paternal grandmother, with both her father and Leila staying there on occasion. Yesterday, Leila showed up before dawn and promised her a fun day in Seattle… and that's where it started."

We all sigh and look at each other. It's a lot of information to take in. "Wait," I say, a question forming, the same one I had yesterday. "When did you figure out that Marissa wasn't in school? Aren't they supposed to call right away? If a parent hasn't reported a child absent?"

Christian lets out a slow breath. "It turns out that a 'parent' did call the school right after drop-off," he says. "Right after I was released, I called my mom and asked her to pick up the girls. I told her it was a long story, that I would fill her in later."

Oh no. Oh, poor Grace…

"We were already airborne by the time I heard from her, saying that Marissa wasn't at school. Wanting to know where the two of you were… Saying that you had called Marissa in sick." His face is tight. "And that's when my whole world stopped. Not just one of my girls... but two."

"Oh Christian," I say, rubbing his shoulder.

"The only thing I want is to keep you all safe," he says, "and I keep failing at it…" and he begins to cry. I wrap my arms around him and pull his head into my lap. Detective Clarke and Chief Swan give me a nod and leave the room.

It was a living nightmare, but it's over now. And I hold my sweet, overprotective, exhausted, emotionally-spent husband while he sobs.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's note: After a few intense chapters, this one is just some fun "fluff" that transitions us into the last part of the story.**

 **Thank you again for reading. It's fun to watch my following grow every day!**

 **Chapter Twenty-Nine**

I run my fingers through Christian's hair, telling him "It'll be okay… We'll be safe… It's over…" but they sound like empty promises. What can I say to bring him back to me?

"Christian," I say sharply, "I'm hungry. So let's go get some breakfast."

That does it. He sits up, pulling away from my lap and looking at me. "You are?"

"Yes," I say, "I'm starving. I haven't had a real meal since breakfast yesterday."

With that, he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room and down the hall to the cafeteria. When the smell of food hits me, I realize that I really am starving… ravenous. I can smell coffee and eggs and… mmmm, pancakes.

We order two plates of pancakes and bacon, orange juice, and coffee. We sit at a little formica table by the window and there's a view of a pond with ducks. Marissa and Taylor aren't here in the cafeteria anymore, so maybe they went for a walk. Taylor has a daughter, Sophie, who's about her age, and he's always been good with the girls.

The arrival of our food snaps me out of my reverie. I take a big bite of pancakes and ohh… they are delicious. They might be hospital food, but they are fresh and fluffy and might just be one of the best things I have ever tasted.

"So," says Christian, "you and Leila are half-sisters." He shakes his head, still in disbelief of the whole situation.

"I know," I say, "I can't believe it myself. Your submissive is _my sister!"_

He nods. And then I am not sure which one of us starts it, but we begin to giggle. And then we start to laugh, and we can't stop. I am sure we are quite the sight with our half-eaten plates of pancakes, Christian with his face still puffy from crying. And we are carrying on like a couple of loons in the hospital cafeteria.

We laugh until our sides hurt, until I can't take anymore. "Okay, okay…" I say, grabbing my belly, trying to gain control. "I'm going to either explode or pee my pants!"

And this makes us laugh even harder until I hear a familiar voice cut in, "Ana?"

I look up and it's my parents… they're here - in Forks! I jump up and go to them, hugging them both tightly. "You drove up here?" I ask, "How did you know we were here?"

"You've been all over the news, darling," says my mom, cupping my face as if to decide for herself if I'm really all right. "I have to say, the last thing I expected to find was the two of you laughing…" and she looks at me expectantly.

Oh my. "It's a long story," I say, "A very, very long story. Why don't you get some coffee and come sit…"

By noon, we are finally ready to leave the small hospital in Forks. I have been examined one last time and discharged. And my parents, after meeting and fussing over Marissa, have left for home. And we've promised to bring both girls to Thanksgiving at their house.

"Taylor's pulling around to the back entrance," says Christian.

"Why?" I ask.

"Have you looked outside?" He asks. Then he smiles and leads me down the hall. The front doors are just around the corner. "Don't go out there," he warns. "Just peek."

I stick my head around the corner, and there is a crowd of reporters, cameras ready. Ohh, it looks like the paparazzi from the entire Pacific Northwest have descended on Forks.

I pull my head back and stare at Christian. "Looks like you're famous, Mrs. Grey," he says. "Everyone wants a glimpse at the brave young mother who took off - alone - in pursuit of kidnappers."

"Do you think I'm brave?" I ask, searching his face. "Or stupid?"

He laughs, "A little of both. I'll go with... foolhardy."

We are whisked through town to a small airstrip, where Christian's helicopter, Charlie Tango, is waiting. Taylor will take the SUV back to Seattle on the ferry. "Wait," I say, as we're getting out of the car. "Is the money still in there?"

Christian laughs. "It's been taken care of. There's a branch of my bank here in Forks. They were surprised when Taylor went in to make a - very large - deposit. But it's back where it belongs."

Marissa and I grin as we take our seats in the helicopter. I ask her if she's ever flown in it before, and she shakes her head, eyes wide. She's clutching her school backpack, which Chief Swan collected from the house and brought to her. He also brought back her phone, which we're hanging on to - for now.

We watch as the Olympic Peninsula - full of lush evergreens - appears below us, and soon we are flying over the Sound, toward home. I can see a ferry chugging its way across the dark water. "Now _this_ is the way to travel," I say through my headpiece. "And you can fly this, Christian?"

"Not today," he says, gesturing to the pilot who is at the impressive bank of controls. "I only fly when my head is completely clear. And that's _definitely_ not today." And we laugh.

We land on top of Escala, where Sawyer is waiting with the black SUV in the secure parking garage. I smile when I spot him, glad to see that he still has a job. "I'm sorry, Sawyer." I say.

He gives me a tight smile in return, "Ma'am."

I suspect that it'll be awhile before we are back on good terms. And I know that he's not the only one who's angry with me. Grace will be waiting for us at home. And then there will be Kate and Connie and Molly… and I am tired just thinking about it.

We are met at the door by an Ellie-cannonball. She is half excited to see us, half indignant that she wasn't included in our trip. Her disappointment with us is short-lived, as Christian produces a stuffed bear that he picked up in the hospital gift shop. She runs off with it, intent on finding a home for it in her room. "Never return from a trip without a gift," Christian jokes.

Grace is waiting for us by the breakfast bar, and Marissa runs to her, squeezing her tightly before running after Ellie. Grace takes us in for a few moments, then pulls us both in for hugs. "You two owe me the full story," she warns. "But I suppose seeing you all in one piece will do for now."

"Thanks for looking after Ellie," says Christian. "Let us settle in for a minute, get some drinks, and we'll talk."

Christian gets white wine for Grace, a beer for himself, and a large ice water for me and we sit on the big, cream-colored couch. Christian gestures for me to take the corner spot. "Put your feet up," he urges, "and I'll rub them for you while we talk."

"Christian," I hiss, "if I sit there, I won't be able to get up again."

"No worries, baby," he grins. "I'll pry you out of there."

I roll my eyes and settle in, and ooh… the soft couch and the foot rub… I hear Christian start to relate the story to Grace. And I listen, but soon the exhaustion catches up with me and the words are blurring together… and I'm out.

Excited, girly chatter wakes me up, and I open my eyes to see… a fairy and little Wonder Woman dancing in front of me. What in the… "What's going on?" I manage to stammer.

"Tomorrow's Halloween, Ana!" squeals Ellie, turning around to show me her wings. "What are you going to be?"

Ohh… I sit up partway and look at Christian. "Welcome to parenthood," he says. "The fun never ends."

We pull together a quick dinner of frozen pizza and salad, and then I go in search of something for a Halloween costume. I've emailed Gail and confirmed that I will be at work tomorrow, and dressing up is part of working in the children's department.

I borrow some black cat ears from Marissa, and find clothing to go with it. I'll add a nose and ears - using eyeliner - tomorrow morning. Not too original, but it will have to do. Christian comes up as I'm examining myself in the mirror. "Mama cat?" he jokes, and then whispers, "I like these ears."

Hmmm… Maybe I can work with this. Christian goes to put the girls to bed, and I go in search of a different kind of costume. This time it's definitely not going to be work-appropriate. I find a black, see-through, lace teddy. It's a complete outfit with black fishnet stockings, garters, and - oh - crotchless panties. I had dismissed it earlier, shoving it aside with the intention of returning it. But, it might be just the thing to take Christian's mind off... everything else. And, it will look fabulous with my cat ears.

I put it all on and then go lie across the bed to wait for Christian. I keep my eyes downcast when I hear him coming, and I hear his sharp intake of breath. "Christ, Ana," he says, and I look up at him. His eyes are darkening, but he looks unsure. "You just got out of the hospital."

"I know," I whisper, "but I'm fine. And I've been a bad kitty." And then I stick my lower lip out just a teeny bit, knowing he can't resist my pout. "Please, Christian. This is what we do."

"Fuck," he says, but he's decided. He removes his clothes quickly and crawls onto the bed, his erection growing with every second. He examines my outfit, sliding a finger under a garter, then up… finding the opening in my panties. I gasp and spread my legs, instantly wet and ready. "You are a bad, bad, mama cat." Then he starts to kiss me and the humor is gone, replaced by intensity.

He lies on his back, and I climb on top. "I'm gonna sink my claws in you," I purr and I feel him pushing up from beneath me. Mmmm… I want him inside me _now_. Ah! He flexes his hips and reaches in, finds my opening, positions himself, and I slide down. Ohh… it's so full, more than ever before. Is there enough room? I can feel him pushing up, the weight of the baby pushing down… and I moan. Oh yes, there's just enough room, and I push up and back down… riding him, and it's exquisite… pressure and friction… and Christian is supporting me, helping me move. Oh it's...mmm...I grind my hips on and on until I am building… and then I detonate on top of him. He thrusts twice more before I hear him groan and come inside me. Ahhhh... I come back down and feel him lift me, slide out. I kind of sink down and roll off, onto my side. _Ohh… I needed that._

I return to work the next day, and life returns to normal. Sawyer is my shadow, expertly deflecting the paparazzi until they finally give up. In exchange, by unspoken agreement, I behave myself and stay away from the bathroom with the back door.

The bright October weather fades into a gloomy November and it's the day before Thanksgiving. We are at my family's for the long weekend, and have decided to scout out the local grocery store. We're going to get some things to grill out for the family, since they are providing the "big meal" tomorrow.

I am scoping out the produce while Christian is off searching for some decent beer. I grab some new potatoes, turn around, and am face-to-face with Marilyn Sanders. She owns the local bookstore where I worked - _lived_ \- for three years plus two summers in college. And I haven't seen her since then.

Our eyes meet and it takes us a second to connect, for her to recognize me, and then we both grin.

"Ana!" she exclaims. "Oh my gosh..."

"Marilyn! Oh it's so good to see you!"

She looks just the same. Warm smile, curly blonde hair, flannel shirt... killer curves. And I see her take me in, head to toe... to big belly. I know I look different otherwise too - more grown-up. Heck, I look more grown-up than I did six months ago. Glossy, well-cut hair, tasteful make-up, French manicure, designer clothes - dark blue cashmere sweater, jeans and glossy boots, thigh-length trench coat. The girls are with me also - hanging off the shopping cart.

"Wow, Ana... you look..." And she looks from me to the girls.

I laugh. "I know. Um, it's a long story. These are my girls - my step-daughters - Marissa and Ellie." They are saying hello when Christian comes up with a box of microbrews. "And this is my husband, Christian... Christian, this is Marilyn - she owns the bookstore where I used to work."

He smiles his most charming smile, holds out his hand, "Christian Grey. Nice to meet you."

Oh now Marilyn's eyes are twinkling, "Marilyn Sanders. Nice to meet _you._." I have seen Marilyn chase her share of men over the years and mine is… definitely eye candy. _I know_.

I roll my eyes. "Um, baby, can you go see if you can find some fresh salmon steaks?"

He smirks and heads off again. I turn to Marilyn and we giggle. "He loves it..." I say, and we giggle some more.

"Oh my." she says, and gives me a look.

"I know, I know..." I say, "I owe you the full story. Maybe I can bring the girls in on Saturday? We can catch up? What time is good?"

"That would be wonderful." she gushes, "Around 2:00? I'll make some tea."

I agree and she leans in, gives me a squeeze, and she's off.

Thanksgiving is a blur of family activity and way, way too much food. Thankfully, Liz is also sporting her cute little baby bump, so I am not the complete center of attention. As usual, Ellie manages to make everyone laugh. We are all in the kitchen, the turkey just out of the oven, when she comes hopping in. She eyes the turkey, then me in my brown satin shirt. "You look just like the turkey!" she exclaims. "And look," she says, examining me. "Your button has popped out too!" We all laugh as I pretend to be offended and chase her out of the room.

At 2:00 on Saturday, the girls and I walk into 'Montesano Reads,' jingling the bell on the door. Oh, it's like a time warp... it looks the same, smells the same. _Home!  
_  
The girls squeal and head straight for the children's corner. I helped Marilyn re-design it two years ago - during my last summer - and it looks like a little castle. There are toys and a puppet theater, and plenty of books of course.

Marilyn comes out of the back room, teapot in hand, and grins. She takes it to the central table and chairs, then comes to give me a hug.

"Oh, it's so good to have you back here!" She says.

"It's great to be back!" I say, "Oh I have missed this place." I turn and walk behind the familiar counter, running my hands along it... the old-fashioned cash register... the glass jars of candy... And I grin. I'm dressed for the part too. Hair in a ponytail, flannel shirt over a ribbed tank, jeans, and my Chucks... my old work 'uniform.' I feel young again, like the old me.

"You look more like 'my Ana' today," she smiles. "Well... almost!"

I laugh. "I tried!"

We settle in at the antique pine table and Marilyn pours our tea. It's steamy and fragrant... Mmm. How many times did we take a tea break together at this table? Hundreds?

"So," she says, "the full story?"

I glance over at the girls, who are totally engrossed with the puppets.

I take a sip of tea, a deep breath. "Well, it's kind of a long story... but it moves quickly. Christian and I met in April and it's been... intense, but wonderful. We found out," I gesture to my belly, "in May, got engaged in July, married in September..." I shrug. "And here we are... um, I'm due in January, and it's a boy."

I pause... let her process for a minute. "Wow, Ana... that's..."

"Quick. And a lot. Yes, I know... and he's..."

"Christian Grey." She finishes.

"Yes!" I exclaim... "and we have these wonderful girls, a whole... life." I shrug. "It's been so fast, it's made my head spin."

"It suits you." She says, "I can tell you're happy, and you look amazing."

"Thank you," I say, "so do you. So what's been happening? How's Kaitlin? The store?" We slip into an easy conversation about her daughter, who just started college. Marilyn's a single mother, so Kaitlin spent a lot of time at the store with us. And she fills me in on the daily trials of a small bookstore... but she's doing well.

I finish my tea, sit back, and baby boy shifts and rolls, settling right under my left ribcage. Oof. I stretch and push back against my side.

"I saw that baby moving right through your shirt!" She laughs. "You are just all baby belly... nothing else to you! So how long left?"

"About six weeks." I grimace. "I know. It's getting... real."

"Are you ready?"

"No!" I laugh and rub my belly. "But that doesn't really seem to matter!" And she laughs with me.

We head over to see what the girls are doing. I let them each pick a couple of books, and we choose some board books for their baby brother.

I pay for them with my shiny Platinum card and too soon, it's time to go. She hugs me again, and I promise to come again soon and bring the baby. The baby… _our baby_. He's coming soon and life's going to change. Again.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

On the Monday after Thanksgiving, Kate texts and asks if we can get together. She and Elliot took advantage of the long weekend, flying to Aspen to spend Thanksgiving with Grace. So, I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks. She came by to scold me shortly after my… recent adventure. But after telling me off and giving me a hug, she snapped out of it, going on and on about Elliot. Usually, Kate's flings burn hot and then fizzle out, so it's nice to see this change in her.

I invite her and Elliot over for dinner, as the girls will be home tonight. And anyway, they love their 'Uncle Lelliot' and don't see enough of him.

Kate and Elliot arrive around six o'clock, and I am just finishing up dinner - a taco bar with all the fixings. It's quick and easy, and plenty for everyone - even with Elliot, the bottomless pit.

The girls attack Elliot as soon as they walk in the door, demanding piggy-back rides and wrestling matches. He's much more physically affectionate - and less cautious - than Christian, and it's fun to watch. Christian just looks on, a bemused expression on his face, interjecting the occasional "Okay, take it easy," and "Hey, be careful..."

Kate joins me, on the pretext of helping to finish up dinner, but we both know she's useless in the kitchen. She leans against the counter - all blonde curves - and she's grinning, practically glowing. She's wearing a short, sexy red dress and matching stilettos. _Ohh, it's not fair…_ I'm still in my work clothes, sweating - I am _always_ warm - hair in a ponytail.

"Look at you, girl," she says, as I walk over to give her a squeeze. "Just when I think you can't get any bigger…" she jokes.

"I know," I say. "It's getting close, and I still can't quite believe it's really going to happen. Is it still possible to be in denial after eight months?"

We laugh and then she asks, "Well, would you recommend it? You know, marriage, babies… the whole deal?"

"Of course," I say, "Although I'm not sure my body's ever going to be the same... Why, are you thinking of giving up the single life?"

She rummages in her purse, and when she pulls her hands back out, there's a diamond sparkling on her left hand.

 _Holy shit._ "Kate!" I squeal, and we hug and dance around the kitchen like a couple of idiots. Kate and Elliot are getting married! "Way to go, sister-in-law!" _We're going to be sister-in-laws!_

I look over and Christian and Elliot are watching us, then Christian gives Elliot a high-five. But they're _too_ casual about it... "You knew?" I accuse Christian.

"Yes," he admits, coming over to us. "Elliot told me before they left for Aspen. But I knew Kate would want to tell you herself." He pulls a bottle of Bollinger and a bottle of Martinelli's out of the wine cooler, then pulls me in for a kiss. "Time to toast the happy couple. May they be as content and in love as we are."

...

132 pounds... Ugh! I step off the scale. Alice and Christian look thrilled. It's fine for _them_ if I look and feel like a whale. None of my pants want to stay up anymore, and I think - okay I _know_ \- that I am starting to waddle.

36 weeks down... four to go. I can do this! We head into the exam room and Megan measures my belly. She records the results, frowns a little, measures me again. "What is it?" I ask.

"Well, you've been tracking along the same rate of growth - about a centimeter a week - until now. But you've jumped up a bit from two weeks ago. So either he's on the bigger side, or you've got some excess fluid."

Hmm... I don't like the sound of this. "So how can you tell?"

"I'm going to do an ultrasound - check your fluid, make some measurements."

Okay, well she didn't mention a needle... I was imagining her draining fluid or something. Ack. _Don't think about it!_

She starts up the machine, squirts the gel, and places the wand on my belly. There's definitely no searching needed... he doesn't even fit in the screen! There's his face... one little fist tucked by his chin. _Oh, baby boy!_ She moves the wand to get a profile shot and makes some measurements. Then she works her way down - chest, abdomen... and she zooms in on one of his legs, measuring a femur. Finally, she checks around the periphery, making a few more measurements.

"Well, she says, it's definitely all him - no extra fluid that I can see. He's measuring... top ten percent... around seven pounds right now." Whoa... I was expecting that at birth. I still have four weeks to go! "They gain about a half pound a week, so he's likely to be at least nine pounds by 40 weeks." _Oh no..._

I look at Christian. He doesn't look happy... he looks worried.

"Ana, you have a pretty slim pelvis and hips..." she says. "An OB would probably recommend an early induction - like at 37 weeks - or a c-section."

Oh no. _No, no, no. This is not the plan..._

"Well if that's safest..." Christian begins.

"Well I'm not saying that would be my recommendation," says Megan. "I just want to inform you of what I see and let you know the options. If she wants to try... and if we reach - you know - that point, we'll put her in an ambulance."

"I want to try." I say firmly.

Oh, now Christian is really not happy. His mouth is set in a thin line, his face is red, and that vein in his temple is throbbing.

"Okay. Well, think it over..." she says. "We have a little time to decide. I want to see you weekly at this point, so next week? Unless you decide on an early induction..."

We make an appointment and head out. Christian is silent the whole way home. Oh, I can feel a fight coming. Finally we are at a crossroads where he feels like he has to make the 'safe' decision.

I cross my arms and sink back in my seat. I know he's stewing and won't be ready to talk - I mean argue - until we're home.

He pulls into the garage, then comes to help me out, leading me out and down the steps. He's squeezing my arm just a little too tight. "Ow!" I say, pulling away. "I've got it. I can walk by myself."

He lets us into the house and his eyes are blazing. Well, fine... so much for a nice evening on our own. "Ana... you know this is hard for me... I can't let it go." He takes a step toward me.

"We'll you're going to have to," I snap, and step back. "Stop smothering me... I need some space. I would love to run out of this room right now, but I can't move that fast. And it's not fair... so DON'T. FOLLOW. ME."

With as much speed as I can muster, I turn on my heel and head downstairs, slamming the door behind me.

 _Crap_. I'm hungry and I have just skipped dinner. I should have told him to GO AWAY and stayed on the floor with the food. I wonder if the pizza guy will deliver down here? I sigh and wander over to the bar. I've never really explored it before, never even seen Christian use it...

I rummage around and find - among the many types of alcohol - a few cans of Sprite, a tin of mixed nuts, a bag of pretzels, and a couple of Hershey bars. Perfect. I take it all back and dump it on the coffee table by the couch. I change into yoga pants and a sweatshirt, then - taking the food and a blanket with me - I curl up on the couch. I flip the TV on to Nick at Nite and just zone out. Ah, it feels so good... I haven't done this in forever. But, hmmm... I don't think I will be able to get out of this couch. Better go easy on the Sprite.

Three shows, one Sprite, and way too much junk food later, I hear Christian on the stairs. He stops in the doorway. "Can I come in?"

"Fine," I say.

He comes and perches next to me on the couch. "What are you doing?"

"Drinking warm Sprite, eating junk, and watching crap TV. What have you been doing?"

He smirks. "Pretty much the same. Except for it was a ball game and a couple of beers."

We're silent for a few minutes. Then he says, "Ana, I wish you would at least consider the options... we could go talk to an OB..."

"Christian, you know what he - or she - will say. And that's not what I want. The c-section rates in hospitals are sky-high. Megan has a plan and we have to trust her. And you have to trust me. And I have to trust my body. It hasn't failed me yet."

Christian doesn't say anything, but he sits back... arms folded. _Oh, he is pouting._

"I'm sorry you don't get to decide this," I hiss. "But the ONE MINUTE of sex we _had_ to have did this to MY BODY. And no, it's not fair. But I have to deal with it, and so do you."

"Fine." He says, and gets up to leave. "Would you please come upstairs so we can have dinner?"

"I can't." I say.

He whirls around, his face hurt. "Baby, please…"

"I can't because I can't get out of this couch."

He comes over and towers over me, smirking, then reaches down to help me up. "Come on, Shamu, you've gotten yourself beached again."

"Rude!" I say, but I let him pry me out of the couch... not too gracefully, either. After all, I have to pee...

After we finish a light dinner of spinach salad with tuna and strawberries - no time to cook, and I was pretty full of junk food - it's nearly 10:00. Fighting and pouting sucked up our evening. Dinner was quiet, just some mindless small talk. Ugh, we are off... disconnected.

I'm suddenly sleepy... it's been a long day - again - and I am spent, both physically and emotionally. Christian is checking something on his laptop, and I sidle up beside him. "I'm going to bed, okay?"

"Sure," he says absently, not looking up at me. "I'll be down in a minute."

I head down and start to pull on my standard t-shirt and panties, but then spot one of the newer items in my drawer. It's a light pink maternity and nursing camisole with matching panties. Hmm... it's pretty and would be comfy to sleep in. I slip it and the matching panties on. The camisole has a wide band at the bottom and it's flattering - not too fitted, but not too baggy. Both pieces have some lace trim. If I squint a little and just look at myself from the front, it kind of looks like lingerie. But maybe I don't want... I am still a little mad.

But it's too late. I can hear him moving around upstairs... checking the locks, turning off lights. I dash into the bathroom and start casually brushing my teeth.

Christian comes in and I hear him freeze at the doorway before coming up behind me. "What's this?" He runs a finger under one of the spaghetti straps.

I shrug, "Just a camisole. For now... and later." I point to the little plastic clips that allow the bodice to flip up and down.

"Mmmm..." he says softly. Then he grabs his toothbrush and we both finish up.

He takes my hand and leads me to the bed. Again, he slips a finger under one of the spaghetti straps and then he kisses me along the line of the bodice to the clip. He unclips it and draws down one side. Then his mouth is on my breast, pulling my nipple gently into his mouth. Oh!

Ohh... _make-up sex_. It was almost worth the fight!


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

The weeks leading up to Christmas are a flurry of activity and two very excited little girls. And I am finding out that the Greys and the Campbells go all out for the season. They don't mess around. Also, it turns out that our house is ground zero for the festivities. Everyone wants to let the girls be home for Christmas, but no one wants to miss out. Our main living area has been transformed into a winter wonderland complete with a fragrant, nine-foot Douglas Fir, an antique wooden sleigh filled with presents, and eight - EIGHT! - stockings. They've added one for me and one for baby boy this year. When I saw them hanging from the mantle, the sweet gesture made me cry.

Detective Clarke and Chief Swan have been in touch, keeping us informed of developments. My conversation with Leila - overheard and recorded by the Forks Police Department - resulted in exposure of a whole crime ring of drugs and prostitution. Leila and her associates are being held as they await their trials, which won't begin until the new year.

Christian and I sat down with Marissa, and the three of us worked out a new cell phone policy. No more Instagram, but she can still text and call her network of friends. Those friends include Riley, whose grandma is keeping a watchful eye on her. We hope to have Riley visit us in the spring, as a small part of me regrets that I don't get to have my sister in my life.. And I have every intention of letting the girls grow up as cousins.

Since the kidnapping, we haven't been back to Escala. I think we've had our fill of adventure for awhile. Plus, the mechanics are… limited. And lately, I've been so tired by the end of the day. Often, I am asleep before Christian can even get his teeth brushed and come to bed. But usually, sometime before dawn, Christian will nudge between my legs and slip inside me. Sometimes we just lie still, half asleep, satisfied by the intimate connection. Other times, he will rock gently and then slowly increase the intensity until we both tip over the edge. It's gentle and sweet, and every bit as satisfying as anything we've done in the playroom.

On Christian's birthday, I have to work until 5:00. Luckily, it's the Friday before Christmas, so I won't have to work again until the 26th. Christian comes to pick me up himself instead of having Sawyer drive me home. When we walk out, he's waiting right outside the main doors. "It's a little slick," he warns, "want me to carry you?"

I laugh, "Um, NO, I will take my chances..." Wouldn't that be a scene? My husband staggering under my weight, slipping and sliding on the ice. No thank you! He takes my arm and we make our way to the SUV. It's not that bad... oh my sweet, overprotective Christian.

Once he has me safely in the car, he leans over and gives me a deep kiss and I answer back. Mmmmm.. "How are you, baby? And how's my baby boy?"

"We're fine... how are you, birthday boy?"

"Better now," he says. "Five days of birthday and Christmas fun, coming up!" And he pulls into traffic.

We arrive home, walk in, and there is a baking explosion in my kitchen. _Oh my_. There is a huge, sloppy cake with the chocolate showing through the light blue frosting. There are also batches of cookies spread around and flour - lots of flour - everywhere, including two giggling girls. Marissa and Ellie are wearing red aprons and elf hats. Grace, Connie, and Molly are wearing dark green aprons and Santa hats. Christmas music is blaring in the background. Wow.

"Ana!" yells Marissa, who spots me first, standing there with my mouth open. "Aunt Molly, get her costume!"

Molly laughs and comes over with a dark green apron and Santa hat. "I know... it can be a little overwhelming," she says. I nod and finally close my mouth. She helps me off with my coat and on with the apron and hat. The apron hangs at a ridiculous angle, of course. "Well... she says, it's definitely not going to wrap around and tie in front..." and we giggle. She's able to tie it in the back, but makes a show of it being a struggle.

"I look like a Christmas tree!" I say, and we giggle some more. "This all looks amazing! I want to help."

"Ana, are you sure? Maybe you should sit down for a bit," says Christian.

"Yes! I've been sitting all day..." I pout.

He rolls his eyes, resigned, and goes to get a beer.

There's already a lasagna in the oven and a salad made. The cake is done, so we are all set for the celebration. I help the girls cut out and decorate a couple of batches of cookies. They are _serious_ about the sprinkles.

Finally, everyone seems satisfied that we have enough. How many cookies does one family need, after all? We serve up dinner and sit down. All of the other adults are sharing a bottle of wine, of course. Boo. I treat myself to a grape sparkling water in a wine glass.

We serve the birthday cake, all singing obnoxiously to Christian. Afterwards, we send the girls to watch a show upstairs. The adults head into the living room and I curl up next to Christian. As soon as I start to relax, baby boy slides into his favorite position - right up under my rib cage. Oof. I push back against him, but - as usual - he doesn't budge.

"Okay, Ana?" asks Grace. "Getting close now... three weeks?"

"Yes... and I'm fine. He just likes to wedge himself right - here - and, ohh, it's not comfortable."

"Christian did the same thing!" says Grace. Hmmm... interesting. I wonder what else they'll have in common? "Of course he got so big at the end, he didn't fit. And he would thrash around having a little tantrum..." She laughs.

"How big was Christian when he was born?" I ask. I have never thought to ask about it before.

"He was a little over nine pounds," she says. "In the end, they had to do a c-section."

Oh no. I look at Christian and his mouth is a thin line. No, no... we are not going there tonight.

"What is it, Christian?" asks Molly.

He sighs. "The baby's big, will probably be around nine pounds at forty weeks... and with this being her first, and her NOT being that big..." He sighs again. "The midwife says that an OB would probably want to either induce early or go straight to a c-section. And I think it would be safer to go ahead..."

"And..." asks Molly.

"And the midwife and I disagree," I shrug. "It's my body, I'm the one doing this, and I want to try. And we've been fighting about it ever since."

"We haven't been fighting... you're getting your way," he growls.

"Fine. Disagreeing, then." I say sweetly.

Connie looks thoughtful. "May I suggest a compromise?"

We nod. Of course…

"As long as the midwives are licensed nurses, we can get them clearance to use one of our private suites for delivery. That way, when patients are more high-risk, they don't have to switch providers," she says. "If everything goes smoothly, then your experience shouldn't be too different than if you were at the birthing center. And if you need… a different approach, then help is just down the hallway."

I look up at Christian and he's smiling. "Yes!" We say together. We'll have to talk to Megan, but it seems like this is just what we need.

After everyone has left and the girls are in bed, we head downstairs. "I haven't given you your present yet," I say, and push him toward the bed. "Stay here." His eyes widen. It's been a few days since we were intimate and we are both craving it.

I go into the closet and pull out what I've been saving for tonight. The main body of the lingerie - and there's a lot of it - is sheer and white. But the bodice is, quite literally, the icing on the cake. It's covered with blue rosettes on a white satin background.

I slip it on… it's not so big and ridiculous-looking when it's on. I actually fill it out. I brush out my hair, leaving it loose, and go to find my birthday boy. He's undressed, sitting primly under the sheets, like a good little boy waiting for his present. But his eyes are dark, hungry. I grin and walk over, and he reaches up, strokes my belly, and pulls me to the side of the bed. I climb up - not too gracefully - pushing the sheet down his legs, and sit astride him. "Your birthday cake," I say, pointing to the rosettes.

"Oh baby… thank you," he says. "Best birthday ever. I get to have my cake and eat it too."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

On Thursday, January 3rd, I make my way up the stairs - _Whew, I am winded_ \- and sit down at my computer after lunch. I have been working on the Spring calendar for the children's department, and I feel a pressing need to finish it up. It just needs some graphics and a few quotes and it will be done.

My back twinges on my left side. _Ooh, baby boy… why do you always like to settle there?_ I push into my belly with my hand, trying to relieve the pressure and encourage him to reposition a bit. He doesn't budge, but the twinge goes away after several seconds.

I decide to find some quotes and graphics online and get absorbed in my task, formatting it until I am satisfied. My back continues to twinge off and on, but I ignore it. After I'm finally satisfied with my work, I proof it and upload it to Google Docs. Done. I check the time - 4:17. My back twinges again, a little more insistently. Okay, I need to get up and move. I hoist myself out of my chair. _Oof... come on, baby boy, you need to move too._

I walk to the kitchen - and oh I know I am waddling. I feel like I have a bowling ball between my legs. After I fill my cup with fresh ice and water, I feel restless and I don't want to sit back down again. I stroll over to Gail's office - she's peering at her computer, frowning slightly. I knock softly and lean against the door frame.

She looks up, "Oh hello… Come in." I go in and perch on one of the chairs in her office. If I sit back, I will not be able to get up again. My back twinges again, and I reflexively arch it and push in on my side. _Ahh_ … "How are you doing, Ana?" Her voice is sympathetic. "Getting close now."

"Yes," I say. "One more week. I can't decide if I want it to go by fast or slow, but I _do_ know that I'm ready to get my body back."

She chuckles. "Getting real now, isn't it?"

"Yes, very." I answer. "I just finished the Spring calendar. It's in Google Docs for you."

We start chatting about work details, and I am grateful for the change of subject and the distraction. I sip my water and try to stretch out my back. _Please, baby boy... just move over a tiny bit for me_. He shifts just a little, but then re-settles.

Gail checks her watch. "It's a quarter 'til, Ana. Are you off at five?" I nod. "Why don't you go pack it in for the day. Get some rest, okay?" Her voice is kind, concerned.

"Okay, thanks," I am ready to go home... maybe lie down and stretch out my back.

I manage to get up and moving - somewhat gracefully anyway. We say our goodbyes and I am out the door. I go back to my desk, shut down my computer, and gather my things. 4:55. I take in my surroundings, with a vague sense that maybe I won't be back tomorrow. I shrug it off... S _urely I will be_. I smile and nod to a few people as I walk out, again trying to keep my waddle to a minimum.

Sawyer still takes me to work, but Christian has been picking me up every day. Security has been lifted a bit, and he and Taylor depart in the other SUV for their living quarters and security base at Escala. Christian hops out to greet me. "Hello, baby." He gives me a quick peck on the cheek, and he helps me into the car. "You look tired, Ana."

My back twinges again, and I push against it, "Mmm..." I say, "I'm okay, just ready to get home."

I lean back and close my eyes as he pulls into traffic, and I'm drifting...

I feel the car stop and turn off, and I open my eyes. "Be right back," he says. We're at the girls' daycare. Soon, all three of them are coming back to the car. Marissa is checking for something in her backpack, her brow furrowed. She must find what she's looking for, because she looks up - satisfied - and spins around in a slow circle, swinging her backpack. Ellie is hanging on Christian's arm, chatting away, her dimples flashing and her ponytail swinging. _Oh, I love these girls... and this man, so much._

They pile into the car and suddenly it's filled with noise and energy. "Hi, Ana! We have a frog now... and it's got BABIES! Like a jillion of 'em." She looks at me like I'm slacking - only having one. Everyone laughs and she scoots into her pink booster seat. Marissa leans forward, "Hi, Ana." And she gives me a soft kiss on the cheek before settling in.

We head home and they scatter when we arrive. Marissa heads upstairs and Ellie rummages in the pantry for a snack. She's such a chatterbox that she rarely eats all of her lunch. Oh well...

I lean against the breakfast bar for a second. _Ooh, my back... if it would just..._

"All right?" Christian asks.

"I think so... it's just my back keeps twinging... and he Won't. Move. Over." I jab at my side with a flash of irritation. _Sorry, baby boy, but we are just running out of room here._

He moves up behind me, placing a hand on each side of my belly. "Is your back, um, twinging... regularly? I noticed you rubbing it a few times in the car."

Oh! Um, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. "I'm not sure," I say.

"Remember how Megan said that labor can start in your back and move forward? Is your belly tightening at all? On the sides?"

Labor?! Hmmm... maybe... "I'm not sure," I say again. "I just feel kind of uncomfortable, agitated. Earlier, I felt great - really focused - but now, I'm just... restless."

"Why don't you go lie down for a bit? I'll come check on you in a little while." He pauses, "and maybe... time the twinges?"

Oh no. I know where this is going. I still have a week. I am not...

He turns me to face him. "Ana, she said anytime, especially since he's on the bigger side..."

Nope. No, thank you. I don't want to go there. We are not talking about his size again. "Okay, yes... I think I'll go lie down. Maybe if I can just stretch my back…" I grab my phone and head downstairs "and I will time the twinges!" I call over my shoulder.

I lie down on my left side and pull my knees up. Oh yes, that's better. I bring up the timer on my phone, shut my eyes, and wait. Nothing. See? I just needed to stretch... change positions. I will just lie here a bit, then I can get up and make dinner. We will have a nice, normal evening as a family and tomorrow I will...

Then my back twinges again - hard - on the left side. Ooh... and I hit the start button on my phone. And then... mmm... I feel it radiate through left side of my belly and it's tight - squeezing so that I can't catch my breath - all the way across my belly. Then there's just a brief twinge of burning before it recedes. Oh no... that was... _shit_. So much for a normal evening. I know this is it... _I'm in labor._

Okay, just relax... breathe. I shut my eyes and just breathe in and out, trying to block everything else out. _Don't panic_. In... out. Then the twinge comes again - Ahh - and I arch my back, managing to hit the button. And there's the tightening, then the burn, and it recedes. I check the 'lap' time - 8:37.

I repeat my breathing routine and it starts all over, recedes. 8:46... then 8:23...

A few minutes later, I hear Christian coming down the stairs. He stops, and I know he's gauging whether or not I'm awake. I open my eyes. "I'm awake. Here…" I hold out my phone.

He takes it, checks the numbers, and comes to sit by me on the bed. "And what do they feel like?"

I take his hand and place it on the side of my belly. "Just wait," I say.

We sit quietly and then it starts again. This one is a little more intense. I inhale sharply and curl a little tighter. _Oof_.

"Oh yes, oh baby... I can feel that. 8:20. Does it hurt?"

"Mmm... Yes, some... not like a stabbing pain - more like a burning."

He lets out a slow breath, then snaps to life. "Okay. Well, I think we're on our way. It's still early labor until we get closer to five minutes apart."

Yes, five minutes. And then we're supposed to go. I nod.

"Are you comfortable here? I'm going to give Megan a heads up and call my mom. She can come over to handle the girls."

I nod again and he hands me back my phone. "Keep timing them, baby. I'll be right back."

He heads upstairs and I hear a flutter of activity, but then I am back in my rhythm. Breathe... tightening... pain... breathe. 8:35, 8:12...

He comes back down. "My mom's on her way. Megan's on alert, but she says it could be awhile... maybe even until morning."

He comes over, sits down, takes my phone, puts one hand on my belly. "I love you, Ana. You are doing so well... being so brave."

Brave? _Hmm...yes, I'm okay, calmer than I thought I would be._ Surely we should both be in a panic! "I love you too," I murmur. "What are the girls doing?"

"iPad time." He shrugs. "On a school night. They're thrilled."

"Do they know..."

"I told them you were resting, that we were all having quiet time. I'll talk to them when my mom gets here, when there's someone to be with them. Marissa..."

"I know," I say, and then I can't talk anymore. The tightening is back. "Mmmmm..."

I doze on and off in between, hearing sounds from up above as my evening routine happens without me. Grace makes the dinner I had planned and Christian brings down a plate for us.

"You should eat a little, Ana." He feeds me bites of chicken, mashed potatoes, some bread, sips of water. I don't have an appetite, but I know I need to eat something. Once we get to five minutes apart, it's going to be ice chips for me. _Oh goody!_

"Okay if the girls come in to say goodnight?" I nod and he brings them in right after the next wave recedes. I sit up and smile. "Goodnight, sweeties. Come give me hugs." They do, and Marissa is quiet and cautious - squeezing me lightly on the shoulders. I hug her tight and pat her back, then she lets go and backs up quickly.

Ellie bounces up and gives me an enthusiastic squeeze around the neck. "Ooh, are you going to have the baby? I want to hold him!"

I laugh and squeeze her right back. "Yes, big sister," I say.

Grace comes up and gives me a hug too, rubbing my back. "You'll be great" she says, "and we will see you BOTH tomorrow - you and my grandson." She stands up and gives me a warm smile. Christian ushers then back out. Leave it to Ellie to light up any room. We chat and laugh a bit, pausing as the waves come and go... again and again and again.

Christian helps me to the bathroom and back. I am moving on auto-pilot, trying to be efficient before the next contraction hits. I doze again, this time on my back, not really even waking up all the way when they come. I am so tired. He lies down beside me, his hand on my belly. I don't even fully wake as the waves come and go.

"Ana?" He wakes me from my fog. "The last three have all been at just under six minutes. Let's take a warm shower, and then we should get ready to go."

"What time is it?"

"Just after 1:30."

He washes me gently, but quickly, shampooing and conditioning my hair. Then he does himself in double time. Oh, the shower feels nice. I have one contraction while we're in the shower. He holds me close and we sway gently - back and forth. We get out and he dries me quickly, helping me into gray yoga pants and a long, white t-shirt. He's timing them again - 5:35, 5:20... In between, I comb out my hair, put it in a ponytail. We head back to the bedroom and I sit on the edge of the bed. I want to lie back down...

"Hold on Ana." He says, "I'm going to call Megan."

Christian goes over by the glass doors and I hear the brief, one-sided conversation. "Yes... the last one was 5:20... Okay, yes, see you there."

With a bit of planning, paperwork, and - I suspect - a sizable donation, we have a private suite at Northwest Hospital waiting for us. I know that Connie is on shift tonight, in the nursery, and the thought is comforting.

He comes and sits down by me and says, "After the next one, we're going to get up and go."

The contraction comes barreling through this time and I grab Christian's hand. It's so tight - like a band circling my whole belly and squeezing. There's also downward pressure that I feel in my groin, and pain that burns brightly, then recedes. "Ahh!" That was intense and I know what it means - _Active labor. Here we go._

"Can you text Kate?" I squeak. "I want her to know. And Gail… since I won't be at work tomorrow."

"Sure baby," he says, "When we get to the car, okay? Let's move while we can."

He grabs my bag from beside the bed and we're off - his arm around my waist. Up the stairs, across the living area, the kitchen... and out. He locks the door behind us and we start up the stairs. "Ooh..." We were not fast enough. I grab onto the railing, willing my knees not to crumple. Christian grabs onto me while I ride it out. Then we are up into the garage, and in the SUV.

I get my belt clicked, he sends the quick texts, and we are off. The clock on the dash says 2:17.

I put my head back and close my eyes, waiting for the next one. It comes for me with a vengeance and Christian reaches over and grabs my hand. So, so tight and ahh... the burn and pressure. _Someone wants_ _out_.

When it lets up, I can speak. "How close are they now?"

"I haven't been timing them exactly, but I think they're under five minutes. Just breathe, baby. We'll be there soon."

One more blazes through, and when it lets up, we're turning into the hospital. Christian parks in a designated space for the birthing center, comes around to help me out.

"Okay, a little further and you can rest again." Good. I really want to lie down, curl up... _try to hide._

We make our way inside, give my name, and make our way to the third floor birthing center. Megan greets us at the doorway of our suite. And another one hits. Christian wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, not letting me sink to the floor.

When it passes, Megan takes my arm and leads me into the room. "Well done, Ana," she chirps. "Are they getting more intense?"

"Yes," I say, "the last few have been different, lots of... pressure."

I smile when I see the room. It's arranged just like the one at Ravenswood, where I had been set on delivering. The homey atmosphere has been closely replicated here, down to the double bed and the potted palm tree.

"I haven't been able to time the last few, but I think they're well under five minutes," I hear Christian say.

"Okay, Ana... let's time a couple and see where we are. We'll let you rest a bit, and then I want to check you."

I sink gratefully onto the bed, curling up on my right side. The waves come and go... tightening, pain, pressure. Then a break - I drift - then another...

I hear her like she's in a fog, just catching part of what she's saying. "Just over four minutes apart... get her changed... come on Ana, sit up... lift your arms... there you are... okay, now down and on your back... knees up..."

I feel a cool rush of air as my pants are removed. I don't even care... I am a puppet and there is only black and white... only pain, no pain. The wave comes again and I ride it up... and down.

"Okay, Ana," I'm going to check you. I feel her push my knees apart, and a prodding, pressure in my groin. "All right... well done... SIX centimeters! You are doing so well. Just keep doing what you're doing... if you want to get up and walk, you can. Or get on the ball..."

I shake my head, roll on my side. Mmmmm... up and down, tighten and release. I hear voices, but I only understand some of the words. "Ice... Ana... doing great..." Cool hands on mine, ice chips in my mouth, down my throat, a cool cloth on my forehead. I don't know how much time passes... it has no meaning. Just wave after wave. I sleep in impossibly small snatches. Pain, pressure, relief... pain, pressure, relief...

I start to shake, my teeth chattering. Suddenly I feel a wave of nausea. Oh, I am going to... and I vomit into the basin that has appeared at my chin. _Ugh_.

I am rolled onto my back, prodded again. "She's complete! Ten centimeters." I open my eyes and Christian and Megan are there. The lights are dimmed. I feel a break in the fog, the world sharpens and rights itself again. "There you are," says Christian. "You're so close, baby. This is it."

"Okay Ana," says Megan. "Your body's waking you up because it's time. Time to see this little guy. You should start feeling the urge to push. On your next contraction, I want you to push through your bottom."

The next wave hits - _Ahh! It's going to rip me apart!_ \- "Ahh!" It passes. I don't want to do this anymore. Christian squeezes my shoulder but I pull away, rolling back onto my side. I don't want to be touched. "No, please…" And I start to panic. "I changed my mind," I say.

"About what, baby?" Christian murmurs.

"All of it." I snap. "I shouldn't have let you touch me. Ever. Mmmmm…. I want to go home."

Another ripping sensation, pulling me in opposite directions. I see stars... nooooo...

"Ana!" Megan says sharply, "Do you feel like you want to push?" _Noooo... I just want to go away._ I am being squeezed to death from the inside out.

"No," I say "I can't... breathe... too tight."

I feel an oxygen mask on my face. "Breathe, Ana… too big… not a good position… get her up, gravity… break her water… five minutes and then we should take her..."

Take me where? _Oh no… no, no, no…_ _Not after all this!_ I feel hands pulling me up and onto my knees. More prodding, and then there is a gush of fluid down my thighs. Hands pushing to the side and down...

Then I feel pressure... lots of downward pressure. Oh! It feels different... my body is clenching, _I am pushing_. I let up and push again. It hurts, but feels so good! It's a relief.

I open my eyes, and things are back in focus. I pull down the mask, and reach for my husband. "Come into bed with me."

He slides in behind me, and I lean back onto his firm body. _Ohh, this is nice_ … He hooks his legs through mine and pulls them apart, then slides his arms up and under mine.

I hear Megan's voice again. "Good! Oh Ana... he's coming... I can feel..."

Then Christian's voice from behind me... "I love you so much… so close now." And with Christian behind me and Megan in front, I feel ready to push our baby boy into the world.

Ahh! There's a burning in my groin. "Hold it Ana... don't push now..." Hands prodding again... pushing back. "Okay... push... hard NOW!" Ahh! My body pushes on it's own and I bear down. Ahhhhhh... so much pressure, and then - a release. "The head is out! Good, Ana. Hold on, let me suction... Okay, one more big one... and there's a slippery rush between my legs. _He's out... our baby boy is here!_

Ahh... the relief. I sink back, back onto Christian's chest. I open my eyes and there he is - our baby... pink hands flailing. Megan flips him over, rubbing his back... and "Waa-AAAHHHH." an angry cry fills the air. _Oh baby boy..._

Then he's on my chest. I bring my hands up and rest them on his back. He feels slippery, warm, solid... He quiets, but he's not totally still. His little head - a swirl of dark hair - moves back and forth, nuzzling, settling in under my chin. I shut my eyes and feel his chest pushing against mine as he finds his own breath. I can feel his little heart fluttering... _So fast_.

"Ana," Megan's voice says, "a little push, the placenta..." I push and feel a pulling, a sliding as it slips out.

"I'm going to give you a shot... you'll feel a little pinch... some stitches... he came fast."

I keep my eyes shut, drifting... but it's blissful now. There's some pain, but it's dull. Some pinching and tugging in my groin. I pat my baby boy's back, and I feel a sudden tug in my chest, a swell of pride... something in me shifts and re-aligns. _I'm a mother. And I'm falling... falling in love with my baby boy... our son._

I feel Christian at my shoulder and I look back at him. He's grinning, crying... at the same time. He leans downs and kisses my forehead. "Thank you, Ana," he whispers. "Well done, baby."

After a few minutes, Christian slips out from behind me and Megan takes the baby to weigh him and clean him up. Another midwife, who must have arrived at some point, gives me a sponge bath. She changes me into a fresh gown and some large mesh panties with a thick pad. _Oh, these are sexy._ Finally, she is done and I lay back carefully. Ooh, I am tender down there. Christian gets in bed and lays his head down next to mine and I think we both doze for a bit.

I wake to hear Megan exclaiming, "8 pounds, 9 ounces!" as she's bringing him back to me. _Whoa_. "And he's 21 inches long... and he's perfect!" He's wrapped up like a burrito in a mint green blanket. She hands him to Christian, who hasn't had a turn with him yet. Christian holds him close, kissing his forehead tenderly.

I haven't had a long nap, but it feels like I am back in the present. Now the labor and delivery are the part that seem foggy. I can only remember bits and pieces... _and maybe that's for the best._

"Hey little boy," Christian says, "You are just perfect. What are we going to call you?" He looks at me, eyebrows raised.

We have a name picked out, but I wanted to see him first. I had a hard time naming an abstract baby. What it it doesn't fit him?

"Let me see him," I say and Christian cradles him next to me, where I can see his face clearly. I didn't get a good look before... _Oh baby boy, you are very handsome_. _I can't believe it's you who was kicking me and refusing to move when I wanted you to. You have a straight nose and a strong chin with a dimple like your daddy's._ He has Christian's coloring I think, but my dark hair and lashes.

I consider him for a minute, taking him in… _Yes_. I look up at Christian and we smile. The name is perfect, and it's something from both of us - carrying the strength of Christian's grandfather and my father.

" _Theodore Raymond Grey."_

"I love it," he says. "Marissa, Ellie... and baby Teddy." And we grin. It's perfect, just like our baby boy.

Teddy starts to wrinkle his little nose, move his head side to side. Megan comes back over to us. She strokes his cheek, and he turns toward her hand, opening his mouth wide. "Someone's hungry," she says. "Ready to try feeding him?"

Oh my. _Breastfeeding_. Well, my body has gotten us this far...

My gown unties and opens in the front, and I can lift one side while leaving the other one covered. Megan positions a pillow just below my chest and lays Teddy across it, tucking him in close to me. My left arm is under him and his head is at my left breast - _Eek!_ \- Here we go.

Teddy is really thrashing around now, letting out little squeaks and grunts. Megan lifts the side of my gown, folding it to the side. "Okay, Ana, try brushing his cheek with your finger to get him to turn his head in."

I reach up with my right hand and stroke his cheek... _it's so soft_! He immediately turns toward me - Oh, brilliant boy! His eyes are shut tight, but his little mouth opens and closes - searching. Then it opens wide and clamps down _hard_ on my nipple, pulling it way back in his mouth. _Ooh!_ It pinches and I feel the pull all the way down in my belly. He starts sucking earnestly, his little brows furrowed. _Oh, my little man... you look just like your daddy. And you already have a favorite thing in common._ Ha!

Teddy sucks away for about a minute, then stops. I think he's asleep.

Megan switches him - reminding me that it's important to stimulate both sides - and Teddy is amazing again. _Of course he is!_

"January 4th. It's a good birthday." Then I frown. "What time was he born?"

Megan checks her clipboard. "Time of birth... 7:42 AM."

 _Whoa!_ "I was here for FIVE HOURS?" I scowl. "It seemed like just an hour or two..."

"Ana," Christian takes my hand, kisses it. "You went through a lot, baby. How much do you remember?"

I tell him what I can remember, but it's pretty foggy and fading fast. "Did they really say something about a c-section?"

"Um... yes," he begins. "It was close, maybe within a minute or two. They were ready to take you. But then Megan got you up, broke your water, and tried to reposition him one last time. And then... you just... he came." He shrugs. "It was so quick... and amazing." He kisses my hand again.

Oh... _W_ _ow_. I take a minute to process this. "Well," I say, "I'm glad we had the option, but didn't need it. It was perfect. We're definitely having the next one here too." I grin, and he rolls his eyes.

"One at a time, baby," he says. And we laugh.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

I stir and wake from my nap, opening my eyes. I'm curled on my left side and I see Christian in the chair next to the bed, holding Teddy on his shoulder.

He notices me and looks up. "How are you feeling, baby?"

I stretch and consider this… How _do_ I feel? Not too bad. A little stiff and _very_ tender down below. "Pretty good," I say. "You look mighty fine with that baby."

Christian chuckles and lays Teddy gently on the bed next to me. He's fast asleep - eyes squeezed shut, mouth slightly open... just like his daddy. I feel a new burst of joy in my chest. _Oh baby boy._ He has one tiny fist tucked under his chin and I can see the blanket moving up and down as he breathes.

"You got him?" Christian asks?

"Yes, as long as I don't actually have to do anything," I joke. "What time is it?"

"About ten-thirty. Hungry for breakfast?"

My stomach grumbles at the thought of food. "Yes, very."

He grins and addresses someone on my other side, in the seating area by the door. "What's good for breakfast around here?"

I hear a cheerful voice. Not Megan - another midwife? "The food here is okay, but there's a great food truck outside. Want me to get you something?"

"Yes… whatever looks good. Thank you."

Mmm... Food sounds good, maybe even a little COFFEE...

Christian helps me to sit up, stacking pillows behind me, and we just stare at our baby boy. Our perfect little creation. Christian lightly strokes his tiny, fuzzy brow. "He's so... just... amazing. Mmmm..." he reaches up and kisses me on the temple. "... just like his mommy." And there is goes again... a bright surge of joy in my chest. _Oh, I am going to burst!_

A petite young woman with a dark pixie cut and brilliant hazel eyes comes bustling in a few minutes later. She's carrying a large, white take-out bag and a cardboard drink carrier - COFFEE!

"Hello, Ana," she chirps, "I'm Alice...I haven't gotten to meet you yet." She moves around efficiently, setting up the food, opening the blinds. "But I hear you did fantastic... and this little boy is... yummy!" We all laugh. Her good humor is infectious. This woman could be Ellie in twenty years.

Alice moves Teddy over to a little bassinet in the corner, and Christian takes his place on the bed. We dig into the breakfast. Egg and cheese quesadillas and little, round crispy hash browns - perfect for munching in bed. Cold orange juice and - of course - COFFEE! I try to hold back and only drink half, but it's impossible... _Oh well, I've earned it!_

Alice sits in a chair in the corner and tucks into her own portion. She shrugs. "Midwives NEVER say 'it's quiet,' but..."

We laugh again and slip into an easy conversation. She's twenty-five and she's been a midwife since Megan recruited her right out of nursing school.

"Shouldn't he," I gesture over to Teddy, "be hungry?"

"Yes," she answers. "He probably is, but they tend to be very sleepy the first twenty-four hours or so. We usually have to wake them. I'll change him in minute... that should do it." She winks and smiles, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

After we finish eating, she puts Teddy on the bed to change him, and as soon as he's unwrapped, he flails his little arms and tips his head back, turning it back & forth - his mouth opening and closing. And as soon as the air hits his impossibly tiny butt, he really lets us have it. _Our little man has a temper!_

Alice works quickly and hands him to me. We repeat the same routine that Megan showed me, and once again he is a star and is soon fast asleep again. I marvel in his perfect features and how solid he feels in my arms.

"Okay, Ana," says Alice. "Time for a shower?"

 _Ooh, yes please..._

"Well, I think we are safe to remove your IV and catheter and we can do that!"

Catheter?! _Oh! Gross._ I had no idea... When did that happen? And no wonder if haven't had to pee...

She sees my face. "Oh, Megan put it in after she stitched you up. To let your body rest for a bit. If Christian wants to head out to the lobby and maybe make some phone calls...?" She looks at him pointedly.

He smirks and heads out "I'll call my mom."

Alice deftly removes my IV and - _ooh_ \- catheter. It's not pleasant, but quick and pretty painless.

She helps me up and out of bed. Ah! I am stiff, but I'm able to stand and shuffle to the en-suite bathroom.

Alice removes my gown and the mesh panties and pad... yuck. I look in the mirror - ohhhh... and then down at my belly. My nice, round dome of a belly is gone and it's been replaced by a saggy pooch. _Ack, I have a pooch!_

"Don't worry about it, Ana..." says Alice. "You're young and it'll snap back into shape. Mine did."

I look up in surprise, our eyes meeting in the mirror.

She laughs. "Yep. I have a little boy... he's two. I was twenty-two, just finishing up my training and... Whoops!" She shrugs, "My little guy was born at Ravenswood, five months after I started work. He's the love of my life. His dad and I..." she holds up her ring-less hand. "We're on and off, but we make the best of it. He's a good dad."

"Wow," I say, "Well you look amazing... that really makes me feel better. It's just," I shrug, "we haven't had a lot of time, so if I could get back to what I was - even close - that would be GREAT!" We laugh.

"So you hadn't been together very long?" asked Alice. "I wouldn't have guessed. You two seem very... bonded."

"No, it's a good thing it was instant chemistry because it… um, happened right away. We only had three weeks before I realized..."

"Wow," says Alice. "Well I don't think you have anything to worry about. He's totally smitten with you."

"Yep," I grin. "He is."

While chatting, she has removed my hair tie and helped me into the shower. She starts to wash me with the warm water and some fragrant shower gel, then washes my hair. Mmmm... I could get used to this. After a few minutes, though, my legs start to shake.

"Hold on, Ana, we're just about done. I know, first time up can be hard. You went through a lot this morning..." She takes the detachable shower wand and rinses between my legs, then turns off the water. "Okay, all done. Here we go." She grabs two towels and then leads me all the way back to the bed. Whew! I sit down quickly but carefully on the towel that she spreads on the bed.

Alice dries me off, helps me into a fresh gown and sexy pad and panties, and then back into bed. _Ahhh... that's better_ , but I'm definitely tender. Alice notices my grimace. "I know... the IV meds are going to wear off. I'll get you something."

She pops out for a second, then returns with water and pills in a white paper cup. I take them and then lay my head back. _My eyes are so heavy.._. and I'm gone.

After awhile, I feel Christian climb into bed beside me. We doze on and off - feeding Teddy, chatting more with Alice.

I'm drifting back into sleep when I hear Christian's phone buzz. He shifts to check it. "Ana?" He nuzzles me. "You awake?"

"Mmm," I respond.

"My mom wants to know if she can bring the girls over... to meet their brother?"

"Mmm," I say again and yawn, "Of course."

He texts back to give us about an half hour, then Alice helps me to the bathroom again. I wash my face and comb through my hair, putting it back in a ponytail. "Should I get dressed?" I ask her.

"Ana," she says "You just had a baby like six hours ago. They're your family... I wouldn't worry about it."

She's right. I smile and she helps me back in bed, sitting up, with the blankets pulled up neatly to my waist. "There. All pretty and presentable," she jokes and then in a stage whisper "They're just coming to see the baby anyway." And she gives me a grin and winks.

They come in, spot Christian in the chair with Teddy, and make a beeline for them. Alice was right! Grace takes a quick peek and then comes over, takes my hand. "Well," she says, "the other side. How does it feel?"

I grin. "Sore, but pretty great."

Everyone takes turns with Teddy - holding him, getting the first 'big sister' photos. They come over to me, giving me shy hugs. Even Ellie is quiet, wide-eyed.

Grace holds Teddy, pats his little back. "Oh", she says… "I forgot how baby boys feel," and she smiles. "So warm and solid... just like his daddy." And then her smile turns a little misty. Oh, this is a relief for all of us. I can't even imagine what they all went through after Ellie was born. _We made it!_

Too soon, they're leaving, and we promise to see them tomorrow - at home! Teddy has started to squeak and fuss, so I feed him... drifting off...

I wake to a new, cooler hand on my brow, playing with my hair. I open my eyes. Kate!

She's grinning at me. "Oh Ana, I just had to come... I can't believe it!"

"Kate," I croak, then clear my throat, "Oh it's so good to see you. I missed your face." _Oh, my best friend!_

"So," she says, "How was it? I asked you before and I'll ask you again... Do you recommend it?"

I giggle. Oh Kate, always inquisitive...

Hmm... I look down at Teddy, who's asleep on my chest. "Yes." I say, "Although if you had asked me about 8 hours ago..." I look over at Christian who rolls his eyes. And I shrug, "I was grouchy." And we all laugh.

Connie comes in at a little before she starts her overnight shift at seven o'clock. She had peeked in before leaving this morning, but that was just before Teddy made his debut. She admires him for a few minutes, then promises to come and take him for his first bath. Evidently all the nurses have been saving that privilege for her. It's not every day that you have a grandson in the nursery!

...

After we get home, Christian helps me downstairs. I am feeling pretty good. A little sore and shaky, but okay. And I am so ready to crawl into my own bed.

"Want to take a shower, baby?" He asks. "Teddy will be fine with my mom and his sisters for a bit. I'll help you."

A rush of emotion overtakes me, and I start to shake, tears welling up in my eyes.

"What is it?" He pulls me close.

"It's just... Oh, I don't even know." I sniff, "It's just a relief to be home, but I just feel... deflated. Like all this build-up and now," I shrug. "And my beautiful belly is gone and I just..."

"You're worried about your body? How you look?"

I nod and start to cry again. "I feel like it'll never be the same. And I don't want you to..."

"You don't want me to see?" He asks softly.

I shake my head.

"Ana, you just gave me a healthy, 8 pound 9 ounce, baby boy yesterday. You think I care that your body isn't perfect? It's beautiful to me. It gave me my son."

I smile, wiping my tears. "Okay."

After I use the toilet he comes in, helps me stand, then takes the hem of my t-shirt, looks into my eyes. "Okay?" He asks.

I nod and raise my arms, and he pulls it slowly off, then leads me to the shower. He turns it on and we get in. Mmm... the warm water feels amazing, and I relax. He washes me gently, including my squishy belly. He kisses me softly. "Feel better?"

I nod and deepen the kiss, just a bit. Oh this feels so... Oh! I feel a burning surge from my belly, up through my breasts. And suddenly they feel full - very full. Oh my... I look down and there's a stream of milk trickling out of each nipple. I gasp and look up at Christian, who's wide-eyed too. "My milk!" I shriek. And we laugh and kiss again.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four (Last chapter!)**

Six weeks. I can't believe it's been SIX WEEKS already. Baby Teddy is tipping the scales at twelve pounds and starting to smile for real. He's happy and charming... he's everyone's baby. But what's really on my mind today is the fact that I should be clear for intimacy - _for doing it_ \- with Christian again.

As part of their post-natal services, the midwives at Ravenswood provide in-home visits at one week and six weeks after delivery. Megan is on vacation this week, so Alice is coming to examine me and - fingers crossed - clear me.

I hear the doorbell and hurry excitedly answer the door. "Alice! Come in... It's so good to see you again."

"Ana! You too...and you look fantastic!" We hug and then she holds me at arm's length. "I told you! How are you feeling?"

"Good!" I say, but then I feel the butterflies in my belly. "Well, to be totally honest... a little nervous?"

"Like it's the first time all over again?"

"Yes!" And we laugh.

"Okay, well let me peek at that gorgeous baby. And then I'll examine you and let _you_ decide whether or not you're cleared." And we laugh again.

Teddy is awake and chilling out in his bouncy seat, one very wet fist in his mouth. Alice scoops him up, cooing over him and tickling his belly. We _ooh_ and _ah_ over him for a few minutes, then take him downstairs to the bedroom. Alice puts him in his bassinet, then lays a padded blanket out on the bed. She puts a folded sheet on top of it.

She glances around the room and notices the wedding pictures on our dresser. "Wow," she says. "These are HOT."

I blush. I know... During the reception, the photographer took us out into the hallway for some more intimate photos. She had us facing each other, but had me kind of tuck my belly behind Christian so it didn't show. And she had Christian take off his tie and open his shirt. In one of the photos, I am reaching up to kiss him, one hand on the nape of his neck and the other on his bare chest. In the other, he has one hand on my chin and his mouth is enveloping mine.

"I know," I say, "I love these, but they're definitely - um - rated for the bedroom." And we giggle.

"Okay," she says, back to business. "I know that it seems a little weird to do this here, but go ahead and strip below your waist and cover up with the sheet. I'll be back in a minute." And she ducks out into the adjoining living area.

I quickly do as she says and lie back with my knees up. She knocks softly and comes in. "So," she says, "Megan gave you a shot of Depo when she came to see you?"

I nod. "Yep, I love Teddy, but I'm not ready for an encore yet. And I'd like to reclaim my body for awhile." We giggle.

"Okay, we'll make this quick and easy." She puts on gloves and kneels at the foot of the bed. "Just scoot toward me a little. That's good."

Just as she's done everything else, Alice quickly and deftly examines me. Like Megan, she knows her way around a vagina. "Everything looks good... any discomfort if I press here? Here?" She pushes up into my gut, then back down firmly against my pelvic area."

"No... and no." I say.

"Okay, she says, standing up and removing her gloves. "I say you're clear. What do you say?"

I let out a slow breath, then smile and give her a thumbs up.

I grab Teddy and we head back upstairs. "Well, I guess you're officially discharged, Ana... until next time anyway!" She grins and I roll my eyes, but smile back.

"Thank you so much," I say. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"So we'll see you _every twelve weeks_ for your shots…" and she glances around, taking in the house - our lifestyle - and I know she wants to say something, but she doesn't.

"I know," I say, "It's a lot... and it's been a huge adjustment - for all of us - but," I shrug. "We're happy."

"I can see that," she says, "and I'm glad. Don't hesitate to call..." she shrugs, "if - you know - you need anything."

"How are things going with you?" I ask. "With your son and your..."

She shrugs. "We're on again. He... wants to have another baby."

My jaw drops. "Really? So what did you say?"

"I told him I'd think about it, but I'm probably going to cave."

"Girl," I say, channeling my inner Kate. "He needs to put a ring on it!"

And we laugh.

"Thanks so much, Alice," I say, and then I have a thought. She's in the same boat as me. "Maybe we could do coffee? Or a play date? I mean... it's not like I'm swimming in twenty-something mom friends!"

"That'd be great, she says, "My cell number is on your Ravenswood paperwork. Text me?"

"Yes!" I say. "And thanks for coming..."

I show her out, and she waves - smiling broadly - and she's gone.

Teddy and I have a quiet afternoon. He eats and dozes, and I work on a few 'new acquisition' book reviews for the library. It's hard to believe that I'll be back to work full-time in six more weeks.

Finally, it's 5:45 and Christian and the girls burst through the door. And suddenly it's all chatter and noise and activity. I whip up a quick chicken stir fry while Christian hangs out with Teddy and Ellie. Marissa works on her homework at the breakfast bar. She's much more relaxed with me now, and we enjoy each other's company.

After dinner, I'm putting away the leftovers when Christian sidles up to me and wraps his arms around my waist. "So?" He whispers.

 _Oh, no he doesn't..._ I know that he's dying to know. And I'm sure he expects the answer to be 'yes.' A girl's entitled to a little mystery, right?

"Let's talk about it after bedtime," I say softly. "Okay?"

I can feel him tense just a little, but then he gives me a quick squeeze and goes to round up the girls for bedtime. Right now, with breastfeeding, I get Teddy by default.

I finish cleaning up - Christian's already loaded the dishwasher, so it's just a quick wipe-down - and get Teddy from his bouncy seat. He's awake, but he looks drowsy. _Perfect._

I take him downstairs, get him changed for bed and nurse him, thankful that he stays awake just long enough to drain both sides. If 'the girls' are going to get any attention tonight, then I want them empty. I lay Teddy in his bassinet carefully. "Okay little man... going to give Mommy and Daddy a little adult time? We need it!"

Teddy seems down for the count, so I scurry into our walk-in closet and grab what I picked out earlier. It's a sheer, charcoal gray camisole with a lacy bodice and matching thong. I slip it on and, honestly, it flatters me and I think I look pretty good. The camisole reaches to just below the thong. I know it's not perfect - I have a little loose skin and a few stubborn stretch marks - but my belly looks flat and smooth through the fine mesh fabric.

I've been living in yoga pants, baggy shirts, and nursing camisoles. And I've just been showering during the day, whenever I get a chance. Christian's caught some glimpses - a boob here, a bare leg there. We've kissed and cuddled, of course, but he really hasn't _seen_ me since that first day home.

I hear Christian coming down the stairs and the butterflies in my belly are back. I know he can see the closet door ajar with the light on. "Ana?" He asks softly from just outside the door.

"In here," I say. "Come in."

He comes in and I peek over my shoulder at him. He freezes and his eyes darken, suddenly deep pools of desire. "I hope," he begins in a husky voice, "this means that we're good to go?"

"Yes," I say, and turn around to meet him as he strides over to me. He means business and he grabs onto me, shoving his tongue in my mouth, and pressing his growing erection into me. _Ohhhh... I almost forgot what this was all about._ My butterflies are a distant memory as desire pools deep in my belly and my groin begins to swell and pulse.

Christian picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me into the bedroom and we are a tangle of lips, tongues, hands, and surging electricity... greedy to be joined as one again.

He sets me down next to the bed and I start to crawl onto it, but he stops me and stands me up in front of him - my backside to his front. "Wait," he says, "just let me appreciate this for a minute. Your ass looks mighty fine in this."

He rubs me up and down... up and down, his erection straining at the fabric of his dress pants. I feel him fumble around, tearing off his clothing. Then there's the smooth hardness of him rubbing against my bare skin - first one cheek, then the other.

Suddenly, he grabs my shoulders and flips me around, pushing me onto the bed so that I'm face-up. He climbs on top of me, holding himself up with his arms, afraid to give me his full weight.

"Okay?" He asks.

"Yes," I say. "Just be gentle... here." And I gesture to my chest. "But otherwise... I'm all yours."

He nods and smiles, giving his attention to my groin area instead. He slips a finger under my thong and I hear him moan as he finds my slick opening. _Ahh... oh yes... mmmmm_. Then he starts in on my belly, kissing me softly through the fabric before lifting it and repeating the process.

Meanwhile, he has not let up down below, pushing and pulling with one - then two - fingers. Abruptly, he stops and yanks off my thong, flinging it to the floor. He positions himself - prodding against me - seeking his entrance, and then with one thrust he is fully inside me. He begins to move and ahh - it's powerful and a relief. _It's just as good as before!_ Christian moves more and more forcefully - relieving himself of months of fear - of being cautious - followed by weeks of abstinence. I meet him thrust for thrust, arching my back, my own desperation and relief spilling out. And I start to climb quickly, my core pulsing and surging - and my thighs start to quiver and stiffen... _Oh this is going to be quick..._ And it is.

I explode, without any more warning, into an intense, all-consuming, orgasm. I feel Christian reach his peak and echo me, thrusting deeply twice more - before we collapse onto the bed. I melt into a puddle while Christian rolls off, careful not to smash my chest under his weight.

"Oh _fuck_ Ana..." he gasps, "I got carried away. That was... Oh, I needed that. Are you all right?"

"Yes," I whisper, "I'm perfect. I needed that too."

He chuckles softly and then pulls me close to spoon me. "Oh baby..."

I feel sated, but still a little unsure. "So, how was it? I mean... was it... the same?"

"Yes," he says. "Absolutely perfect. My favorite place... inside my wife."

I relax and snuggle into him, letting go of my uncertainties. I am secure in my favorite place - my husband's arms. I can't help but grin, and then I drift...

It seems like only minutes before I hear Teddy, starting to stir and grunt in his bassinet. I peer at the clock - 3:15. _Oh good baby boy._ He's slept a solid six hours. I start to get up and ooh, I am full and very tender, and I am leaking right through my sexy camisole onto the waterproof pad I keep on the bed. I am soaked on top and... very messy down below. Ugghh...

Teddy's building up, starting to waken fully and fuss in earnest. I feel Christian stir awake and he blinks sleepily. He sees my face and takes in my soaking top and otherwise undressed and messy state. "Ohh... You change. I'll get him."

"Thank you," I squeak, and scoot out of bed, holding my chest. Ahh... it was nice to - you know - and get some good sleep, but now I am paying for it.

I grab a cotton nursing gown and panties and dash - quickly but carefully - into the bathroom where I clean myself and dress quickly. I can hear Teddy go into full steam-engine mode as Christian changes him. I tie my hair back into a quick ponytail and go back into the bedroom, headed for my glider. Christian brings me a thrashing, wailing Teddy - red face, arms flailing - along with a nursing pillow and a burp rag.

Oh Teddy, my sweet boy... we overslept! I push open my gown and pull him close at the same time. He stiffens and arches his back - searching - and latches on immediately, fiercely tugging and sucking with all his might. Ohh... it's painful and a relief at the same time. Mmmm... I put my head back and squeeze my eyes shut, just riding it out. Teddy makes quick work of the first side and pops off, still looking for more. I grab him up and switch him quickly - my other breast is leaking into my clean gown. There was no time for a bra or nursing pads. He latches again, but not so desperately. Then he sighs deeply and shudders, settling into comfort-nursing mode. Okay, this is better... I lay my head back and close my eyes. Just relax... breathe.

I know Christian has been cleaning up - gathering my lingerie and towel, changing the pad on the bed. But now he's quiet. I open my eyes and he's perched on the end of the bed, wearing only boxer briefs, watching us. He smiles a slow smile.

"What?" I ask, finally coming out of my fog of panic.

"You are one sexy mama, Ana," he says. "You're amazing." He gets up and comes over, kissing me and then Teddy softly on our foreheads. Teddy grimaces and waves him off - he's in the zone and doesn't want to be messed with. I sigh happily... _Oh these Grey men._ And we laugh.

I go change my gown - again - while Christian tucks a milk-drunk Teddy into his bassinet. We climb back in bed, facing each other this time, and just look at each other. This is bliss... and I am floating... gone again.

When I wake, it's daylight - barely. I stir and Christian's hands move to my butt. He grasps it, pulling me in close. Ooh... he's fully awake, and his erection digs into my belly. He moves one hand to my nape, pulling my mouth to his. And we begin to kiss, slowly and deeply... desire building and coursing through us. _Mmm… wake-up sex._ And unlike last night, it's slow and sensual. Christian tugs off his boxer briefs, then my cotton panties, and I feel him lifting and bunching my gown. And then he's pushing inside me, filling me deeply and then sliding out - slowly. Ooh... I am so instantly wet and ready, and we start to move, to climb, and to discover each other all over again.

 **The End**

 **Thank you SO much for reading! I have truly had a fabulous time with my first FanFiction experience.**

 **Stay tuned for the epilogue!**


	35. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The days pass… the weeks, the months… Teddy is an infant, then he has his first birthday, begins to toddle. The first weeks back to work were horrible, but slowly it became routine to drop Teddy off at daycare with his sisters. A few months after returning to work, I was promoted to a full-fledged librarian position. Gail and I are a team, and together we have brought more programming and technology to the children's department.

It's the end of June, and the fabulous Seattle summer weather has finally come. Marissa is ten - entering her pre-teen years - Ellie is seven, and Teddy is seventeen months old. We just finished dinner on the deck, and the girls are playing with Teddy. They have some plastic cars and trucks, and they are racing them around the deck. He is very into 'motor' sounds now, which involve a lot of noise and a _lot_ of spit. I smile and lean back in my chair, sip my wine… _Yes_! It's heaven.

Leila and her associates are in prison. She is serving a minimum of three years, so she's safely out of our lives for the time-being. Riley and Marissa continue to be friends, and she spent a few days with us over spring break this year. Maybe we'll spend a week on the peninsula later this summer. Better yet, we'll send the kids to my parents' and Christian and I can...

"So," says Christian, interrupting my thoughts. "I got you a birthday and anniversary present."

What? "But that's not for months…"

"Well I thought the anticipation, and the planning, would be fun for you." He pauses, pulls some papers out of his pocket, hands them to me. I take them and unfold them and… _Holy shit._

It's an itinerary and two first-class plane to Europe!

Grey, Christian & Grey, Anastasia

12 Sept...

I look up and Christian's grinning - a huge, face-splitting grin. Oh, he's been working on this for awhile. I can't help but match his grin. "We're going to Europe?" I squeak.

He gets up, walks over, pulls me up and into his arms. "A two-week hiking trip, through Europe… backpacking, overnight trains, youth hostels. A trip suitable for a young woman in her twenties. And her middle-aged husband."

I wrap my arms around his neck, bouncing with joy. "I hope you can keep up, old man!" And we laugh.

That night, Christian puts the kids to bed while I start researching our trip. Christian has bought us open Eurail passes and made a few reservations - for things that fill up early - but a lot of it is still unplanned. He shows me the document he's started, and leaves me to it. I start at the beginning - Marsailles, France - and look into hiking trails in the area, youth hostels… It's overwhelming! After about half an hour, I take a break and pull up my Outlook calendar.

Christian has cleared the dates with Gail, but I want to look for myself and see what needs to be rescheduled. I had my Depo shot in April, so… July will be next and then October, so there are no issues there.

Christian comes up behind me. "Has your research been productive?"

"Yes, and overwhelming... I was just checking my calendar for those dates. I'm good on my shot, so that's not a problem."

He's quiet. I frown and turn around and look at him. "What?

He looks sheepish. "I was just thinking… maybe you shouldn't."

"Shouldn't what? Look at dates? I thought you wanted me to help plan…"

"I mean," he pauses. "Maybe you shouldn't get your shot."

Oh! _Oh… oh this is news._ We haven't discussed this, not at all. Sure, it's always been a vague idea… the idea of a second - um, fourth - child. But with Christian's past and the fact that I know he lived in fear for months... I never thought he would be the one to bring it up.

I thought maybe I would broach the subject sometime after Teddy turns two. _He's barely one!_ I can't speak. I'm sure I'm just opening and closing my mouth, like a fish.

He looks puzzled. "You don't want to…"

"Um, it's not that…" I pause. "I want to. I just thought, you know… later. Like after Teddy's two."

"Well," he says, "he _will_ be two. He'll be well over two by the time… I mean, it takes a bit for the shot to wear off, and for you to get back on track. And who knows? It might not even happen right away. It could take some time…"

I smirk. "You think it won't happen right away?"

Now he's grinning. Oh, I can't help it… I grin back. Another baby! He wants another baby. I spring up and jump him and we kiss, and then he scoops me up and carries me downstairs. _Well, practice makes perfect…_

The next day, I call Megan to cancel my July appointment. First, I ask her how Alice is doing. She took my advice, and got her boyfriend to put a ring on it. _And_ she's six months pregnant. Megan says she's doing great and having a girl this time.

I exclaim over this, excited for her and vowing to call her myself. It's been awhile since we caught up. Then I get down to business. "So, I need to cancel my July appointment…"

Megan squeals. "Uh oh," she says, but I can hear the smile in her voice.

"I know," I say, "and it was Christian's idea, if you can believe it. Anyway, so what can I expect… I mean, I know what to _expect_ …" We giggle.

"Well," she says, "let me check the calendar. You had your last shot in April, so it should wear off in mid-July. You should get your period… say, as early as late July, but likely it will take longer. And two weeks after that, you can go for it!" We laugh.

…

Day 2 of our trip: It's my birthday! I'm twenty-four… getting up there! Christian and I take a day hike to some ruins above a small town in the French countryside. We have local security assigned to us, but they stay in the parking lot by the vehicle. We have the castle to ourselves, and take some worn stone steps that spiral up to a turret. I grab onto the bars in the ancient window, peering out. "Wow, look at the view!" I say.

Christian comes up behind me. "I see it, birthday girl," he growls, his voice husky. He strokes my ass, which - thanks to my thong - is bare beneath my short, linen sundress. "Keep hold of those bars, baby." _Oh!_

...

Day 4: We're in Geneva, Switzerland. We took an overnight train from Marseilles, and arrived early this morning. We spent the day hiking the hills around the city, and now we're ready to collapse in a youth hostel for the night.

We eye the rows of single bunks, then take our packs into the common room. There are small bunches of young people scattered around the room - talking, poring over maps. _It's great!_

We slide our packs to the floor and sink down into a pair of dilapidated armchairs. _Ahh…_ Across from us is a group of three young women about my age. They are talking and laughing, sharing a bottle of wine and drinking it out of tin mugs.

They greet us and introduce themselves. They are all twenty-four and have just finished up graduate school at Boston College. We tell them where we're from, that I'm twenty-four also. We skip over Christian's age. Old man!

We talk about where we've been, where we're going. They're touring Europe for a month - _a month!_ \- before starting 'real adult' life. Then they start in on all the men they've encountered on their travels. They offer us some of their wine, which I gladly accept but Christian refuses.

"I think I'll turn in..." He kisses me softly behind the ear, squeezes my shoulder. "I'll let you have your girl time."

He leaves, taking his pack, and the girls giggle. They continue on about whether French or Italian men are sexier, and I smile and sip my wine, relaxing and listening to their chatter.

I pull off my hiking boots and thick wool socks. That's better. I look down at myself, and I look young… I _feel_ young. My hair is in braids, I have a slight sunburn and skinned knees. I'm wearing a tank top with a flannel shirt tied around my waist, hiking shorts... and yep, I can catch a whiff of B.O. I feel my age... _finally!_

"So, your husband is... HOT," one of them says and eyes my ring. "Are you here on your honeymoon?"

"No, we've been married for two years. This is a trip for our anniversary and my birthday." Maybe I'll leave it at that. It's nice to just be one of the girls, to feel normal. On the other hand, this could be fun... "We have three kids," I say flippantly.

Their eyes widen and one of them gasps.

I laugh and take a sip of wine. That one gets people every time. "Well, the older two are his - they're ten and seven - but I can't deny the third one. He'll be two in January."

"Holy crap," one of them says. "You don't look…"

"I know," I shrug, "It's the mountain air." And with that, I grab my pack and head for my bunk. "Goodnight!"

...

Day 12: We're in a little hotel in Vienna, Austria. I wake up to bright sunshine and head for the bathroom. I feel bloated and _yuck_. The scenery in Austria is amazing, but the food is all sausages and onions. I use the bathroom, then brush my teeth. I get a little too far back with my toothbrush and gag myself.

Christian comes up behind me. "Okay?" he asks.

"Mmmm..." I spit and rinse and stand back up. "I cannot eat any more sausages. I feel all... bloated and yucky."

"Ana," he says tentatively, skimming his thumb across my bare breasts "are these... tender?"

 _Ah! A little..._ I shrug. "My sports bras are so tight, and I've been wearing them every day."

"Hmm..." He says. "Maybe that's it, but do you think you could be, you know… pregnant?"

Pregnant?! No... "No, Megan said that it could take awhile for the Depo to wear off. We're supposed to try two weeks after I get my period, and I haven't gotten it yet."

"Well," he shrugs, "maybe you're not going to get your period. I mean, you would have to ovulate before you get it. People don't usually rely on that first cycle because it varies so much, but…"

 _Oh shit._ I didn't think it through. I could be pregnant. Holy... I look up and our eyes meet and we grin. Oh my, we could be having another baby! I put a hand on my stomach. I have _no idea_ how many weeks. And all the wine... I pale. "How far... Oh, the wine..."

He thinks for a minute. "Well you tend to only drink a glass of wine with dinner, so I think you're okay. And I don't know... you could be as much as six or seven weeks. If you're already having symptoms..."

Okay. I take a deep breath. "Let's go get a test. I need to know for sure. Maybe it's just the sausages... And we need to get some bread or something. I _cannot_ eat any more of those things."

He grins, puts a hand on my belly, "Yes... um, sausages. They'll get you into trouble."

We laugh, get dressed, and head out into the Vienna sunshine. We find a market and purchase a loaf of whole grain bread, a brick of cheese, apples, some sparkling water, and an early pregnancy test.

We go back to the hotel and rip the thing open. It's a different brand than the one I used before, but the same basic principle. If a minus sign appears, then it's negative. If a plus sign appears... Okay, we get it.

I pee on the stick - with Christian watching, of course. He didn't get to be there last time, so I can't blame him. I lay it on the counter while I wash my hands, asking Christian to set a timer for three minutes.

"Um, Ana," he says. I look up and he's pointing to the test.

 _Holy crap._ The thing is already done... and already showing a definite + in the window. _Positive!  
_  
We hug and jump around like idiots. _A baby, a baby... oh another baby!_ Even though it caught me a little off guard, the shock is nothing compared to last time. It's fun to be pregnant when you want to be!

We feast on our collection of goodies from the store, then we shower. _Mmm... celebratory shower sex!_ And we get dressed for the day, deciding what to do. I am not in the mood to put on my too-tight sports bra again, so we wander the shops in town. It's bliss.

At four o'clock PM, nine AM in Seattle, I call Megan to let her know and to schedule a first appointment. I tell her we're not sure on the timing, but she reassures me that she can get a fairly accurate date of conception with an ultrasound.

We arrive at Ravenswood the following week and it's like deja vu, but without the major nerves. I am so much more relaxed, more sure of myself. I ask about Alice and she says, "She's getting huge - and grumpy - so hopefully soon!"

We laugh and sit down to talk, she asks how I've been feeling. I admit to being a little nauseous, that I feel bloated. "I feel like I'm showing already, that my pants are tight. But I think that I can't be more than eight weeks?"

She writes it all down, then brandishes the needle... _Oh, fun times!_ Then it's time for the ultrasound. This time - although it's still not a pleasant thought - I'm ready.

I strip off my jeans and panties and climb up on the table, covering myself with the sheet. Megan comes in and starts to examine me. "Well," she says, "you feel like more than eight weeks to me... more like eleven or twelve. Sometimes the Depo wears off early."

Eleven or twelve weeks?! That's impossible! How could I have been pregnant that long and not known? Oh my... no wonder the test developed so quickly.

"I'm going to go ahead with the trans-vaginal. Your pelvis is… full, but you're not really above it yet."

She has me take a breath, inserts the probe. Christian squeezes my hand tighter. "Just breathe," he whispers.

I can feel Megan searching, and then - uh oh - there are TWO ovals on the screen. What?! I can't... I look at Megan, then Christian. Megan is grinning but Christian is ashen. "TWINS!" they say in unison.

 _Holy shit.  
_  
Oh, Megan is in her element. She is chirping away, making measurements like crazy. "Oh... see? They're both right on track... about seven weeks. No wonder you felt bigger. They each have their own sac. That's good, but they're sharing the placenta. See?" She points to their individual ovals, then to the faint outline surrounding them. "They're identical... and just perfect!"

I am in shock. Everything's blurring together... this was supposed to be easier! I knew what to expect. And now I'm expecting all right - expecting TWINS! I watch the screen - two heads, two torsos, EIGHT arm and leg buds, two heartbeats... blinking away... _so fast._

I look back up at Christian. I think he's in shock too. He's still gripping my hand, but he hasn't moved. _Oh Christian, I know...  
_  
Megan finishes up, prints off photos for us. "We'll have to monitor you more carefully later on, but for now..." She schedules an appointment, gives us the card, "I'll see you in four weeks!"

We leave, walk to the SUV, get in. But then we just sit for a minute, letting it sink in.

I speak first. "I thought I knew what to expect this time. It was supposed to be easy... no surprises."

He looks and me and smiles - _finally! "_ Well that's not how we roll, baby."

We both laugh and head out. We are on our way again.


	36. Outtake 1

**Author's note: Welcome back! I wrote this little part about Ana returning to work after having Teddy, but decided that I was happy with my original ending.**

 **But now I am going to share it and use it to shamelessly plug my new sequel to this story, 'County Line Road.' It picks up right where 'Crossroads' ends, so if you haven't already done so… check it out! It's full of good fluff, but is just now starting to reveal it's darker underbelly.**

 **Enjoy and, as always, thanks for reading!**

 **xoxoxo**

 **Outtake #1 (Teddy is three months old)**

I wake up my alarm - ugh, 6:00 - to what feels like my first 'real Monday morning' in forever. I get up and peek cautiously at Teddy, trying to stay out of his line of sight. He's awake, but quiet. _Good._ I scurry into the bathroom and take a shower. _Ohh... I could linger in here. NO. This is a big day and it's time to get moving!  
_  
I get out and dry off, comb out my hair, slip on a robe and panties. Thankfully, I am not leaking too much anymore... as long as I stay in our routine.

I go over to Teddy, who sees me and starts waving his arms and kicking. Oh sweet boy... I scoop him up, change his diaper, dress him in a cute dump truck one-piece, and take him to the rocker to feed him. He's efficient, and we're finished inside of ten minutes. Oh, my good boy!

I know he won't want to go back in his bassinet, so I grab a quilted blanket and lay it out on the closet floor. I put him on his back, give him a rattly toy... he's happy and should be good for a few minutes anyway. I'm just finishing getting dressed - my regular dress pants fit - yay! I've been holding on to some maternity pants, just in case. I put on black pants, an ivory blouse, a cropped black blazer... yes, very professional. And the blazer will protect me from... anything embarrassing. I hear Christian coming down just as I'm finishing. He walks in, "Well good morning, Mrs. Grey. I just came down to make sure you were up."

"I have showered, fed Teddy, and gotten dressed in," I check the time. "Forty minutes." I say proudly. _Yes!  
_  
He grins, gives me a quick kiss, then heads off to shower. Teddy seems content, so I follow Christian into the bathroom and dry my hair and put on some makeup, earrings... _Done!_ And it's only 7:15.

I head back out, gather up Teddy, and take him upstairs. Marissa and Ellie are dressed and ready... eating breakfast at the counter with _My Little Pony_ playing on the little kitchen TV. I kiss them each on the head, but they are zoned out. I put Teddy in his bouncy seat and grab coffee and one of the muffins I made last night. I am on top of it... _Wonder how long it will last?_

Christian has the girls' lunches ready, so I just have to pack up Teddy. His bag is mostly ready, but I add four bottles of pumped milk in their cooler bag. I am proud of my little stash. I have been feeding and pumping like a mad woman these past few weeks. My pumping gear is packed and ready to go, sitting next to my work bag. _That's it!_

Christian comes up and we are ready to go. 7:30 on the dot. We head out for our first morning on-the-go as a family of five. Marissa has graduated to having the third row to herself. Ellie and Teddy share the second row - she in a backless booster now and Teddy is in his infant car seat.

The school and daycare are on the same property and they share a parking lot. The girls are at the daycare for about 30 minutes before school, and for about two hours after school. And today is Teddy's first day and… _I am not going to cry!_ Ellie distracts me by giving Teddy 'the tour...' "And this is the office... the bathrooms... where me and Marissa go... and this is YOUR room." We all go in and of course it's vaguely familiar... smiling faces, a few other babies, bright colors. Soon I am handing him off to the very capable Sally and Bonnie. We kiss everyone goodbye and head out... empty-handed. _Just me and Christian. Wait, hold on..._ Tears start to slide down my cheeks. He gives me a squeeze on the way to the car. "The first day is the hardest. It'll be routine soon."

We get in the car and I can't help it... I am crying for real now. And I cry all the way to the library. Then I force myself to stop, dry my eyes. So much for looking professional... Christian squeezes my hand, gives me a soft kiss. "Try and have a good day, baby." Then, "And if you hate it, you know..."

Yes, I know... I don't have to work. And right now I just want to go snatch Teddy back and go home. I nod. "I know. I want to try." And I get out, grab my stuff, give him a wave and a brave face, and turn to head into work.

I go set my stuff down, adding a framed photo of Teddy to my collection. Oh that sweet face... _Don't look!_ Not a lot of people are around yet... it's only 8:20. I head to Gail's office to check in. I haven't seen her in... six weeks? Since she came bearing gifts for Teddy. But we've been emailing regularly, and she's generously offered up her office to me for pumping. I will need to pump two or three times a day for about 20 minutes each.

I pause in the doorway and she looks up, her face lighting up in a welcoming smile. "Ana!" And she comes to give me a big hug. "Come, sit down. I already got us coffee... let's catch up. How are you?"

 _Oh no. Nope, I cannot go there._ Tears prick my eyes and I sigh, "Well... I thought being pregnant was hard... but this..." She gives me a sympathetic smile and a reassuring squeeze.

We sit and talk and talk... catching up on work - my schedule and what's on the docket - and life. Oh, maybe it's good to be back! She sends me off with a list of busy work and yes, this is good.

The office is full and bustling when I return to my desk. Several people come up to greet me, offering their congratulations and welcoming me back. They admire Teddy's photo, say I look great. Hannah, of course, is genuine and we hug each other warmly. She tells me to let her know if I need anything... I just shake my head, give her a stiff smile. She understands. _Don't give me sympathy, just keep me busy and distracted.  
_  
Finally, I am left to my work. I dig in and let the busy work take over. And before I know it, it's 11:30. Time for lunch... and to make Teddy's lunch for another day. I grab my lunch bag and pumping gear and head to Gail's office. She's on the phone, but gestures me in. I shut the door behind me and settle in. I cover up - it's a little awkward - but I finally get it all adjusted and going. I have a pumping bra, so I can be hands-free to work or eat. I dig into my chicken salad sandwich... _Mmm... I am starving. I am always starving these days._

We settle into a new routine... at work, in the evenings, on the weekends. And it's good. I miss Teddy during the day, but I know Sally and Bonnie dote on him, just as they did with his older sisters.

One bright, May afternoon as I'm pumping in Gail's office, I note the date... May 14th. _What is it about that date?_ "Oh!" I say out loud and Gail looks up. "One year ago today, I interviewed for this job." I say, "If someone told me _this_ would be happening," I gesture down at myself, "and seem totally normal just one year later" I shrug. "I had just found out... six days before, and I was so nervous... and nauseous..."

"And you survived... you _thrived_ , Ana. Which is why - with your first anniversary coming up, I am recommending you for a permanent position - as a full-fledged children's librarian."

I grin. _Yes!_


End file.
